Be honest… what sort of response do you think this prospective employer will give me?

[Uniffe]

I’ve got myself into a bit of a tangle. I’m due to start a new job at the end of sept. I desperately want the job but they will not agree to more flexible working. I am used to 80% working from home and they want 80% in the office. DD is 3 and will be four in May. I was offered the job in June and I am still in my notice period from my other job. The new job encouraged me to take time off in between… I have been reflecting and I actually don’t want to start this new job until DD is 4 in May. I feel she will be a little more independent and that I can build up to going from fully working from home to barely working at all. I also don’t want to jump into committing in winter (I’ve worked from home since 2019!).

If I ask this do you think I will get a pissed response back? I know nobody can say for sure but I feel I have to ask the question as I just can’t contemplate starting the role so soon. I have some work I can do over the next few months (self employed) to keep me going. Thoughts welcome…

Another point you need to consider is if this new role is in the same industry - people talk and if you mess them around you can be sure it will get mentioned at the next get together / industry event etc. Could you suggest that you start in September but do a phase into the office so you start at 3 days WFH 2 in the office then after 1 month move to 2 days WFH and 3 days in the office and then in the new year move to the 80 / 20 split. They might be amenable to that rather than a deferral until May. The current job market is really tough at the moment and I suspect they will be able to find another candidate who is willing to do it on the terms you were originally offered. It’s very much an employers market rather than employee and you knew what the terms were when you accepted the role.

I would say suck it up

Unless it's a tiny employer it's unlikely to be the first time they've encountered something like this ... all part of life's rich tapestry as they say

Shame, though, that folk don't always consider how it can reflect on all working mums - as if there aren't enough barriers already

I can't imagine they'd be happy holding the role that long. If it's a needed role then they'll probably recruit elsewhere. Or if they can manage without for 8 months, they'll probably realise they can manage without it altogether.

If that’s the case, why did you even apply for the job, or was it with the hope you could wfh some of it? It sounds like the recruitment process has been long enough that you’ve had plenty of time to consider this.

Are you looking after your daughter currently whilst working from home?

What you are feeling is entirely reasonable. My kids are much older and I feel exactly the same - it's about work life balance and for some people that's more valuable than the alternative role. I wouldn't however have accepted the offer (and have withdrawn from processes for that very reason), but you are where you are.

What will you do if they decline the change? Can you stay in your existing role?

I would probably ask for a gradual increase in office ours within your timeframe. I'd be really upfront and just say logistically and practically you are really struggling with the big jump, but really want it to work and think that would be the solution. I would though be fully prepared for them to turn you down, so that's the risk.

I think you should withdraw from the position and allow them to find someone who meets the terms they want. It doesn’t sound as though you’re the right person for the job.

What has the age of your child to do with it, unless you’re thinking that when she’s four, she may be able to entertain herself more, whilst you’re working. Are you hoping to persuade them about hybrid working too?

What was your reason for wanting to leave your current job? Have they already hired someone to fill your role?

Also, the suggestion of "taking some time off in between", I would interpret that to mean take some time off when you finish your current job before you start the new job aka have a holiday or have a break and be ready to start fresh! I think they would still be expecting you to start at the end of September, I don't think they intended for you to interpret it as "take a couple months to yourself, we'll wait".
They absolutely won't wait until May for you to start, and almost certainly won't wait until January either. Even suggesting it will make the runner up candidate very happy when they withdraw your offer and offer it to them instead

I’d say no outright if you requested this and would be seriously annoyed that I’d even hired you in the first place as it’s a ridiculous request and shows a complete lack of judgement and self awareness. So no, if you actually intend to start rather than walk away assuming they say no, don’t even ask in the first place. And I think they meant two weeks or so re the time off in between not a month or more unless that was agreed upfront. Certainly not 6 months.

Why did you apply, go for interview and then accept the job if you can't face the commute and the more demanding role?

Honestly, working FT is easier when DC are in nursery/ child minder. Once school starts, it's a different ball game....
So either start in September to get yourself settled or stay put in your current job.

I can't see any employer agreeing to a May start date unless you got the job because of some very unique skill set or nepotism.

Did you say you're working your notice from your job so now you'll be unemployed,?

This! It's only reading mumsnet that makes me realise how disadvantaged working mums are as a direct result of working mums. The entitled attitude is appalling. Thank god for EDI because if people weren't checking, I reckon an awful lot of employers would preference men.

Presumably you’ve got full time childcare for your daughter so what difference does it make to her?