Be honest… what sort of response do you think this prospective employer will give me?

[Uniffe]

I’ve got myself into a bit of a tangle. I’m due to start a new job at the end of sept. I desperately want the job but they will not agree to more flexible working. I am used to 80% working from home and they want 80% in the office. DD is 3 and will be four in May. I was offered the job in June and I am still in my notice period from my other job. The new job encouraged me to take time off in between… I have been reflecting and I actually don’t want to start this new job until DD is 4 in May. I feel she will be a little more independent and that I can build up to going from fully working from home to barely working at all. I also don’t want to jump into committing in winter (I’ve worked from home since 2019!).

If I ask this do you think I will get a pissed response back? I know nobody can say for sure but I feel I have to ask the question as I just can’t contemplate starting the role so soon. I have some work I can do over the next few months (self employed) to keep me going. Thoughts welcome…

Have you specifically asked them if they would be prepared to be more flexible over wfh for a very limited period, until May, when you would revert to their normal working pattern? Is it going to impact your efficiency or ability to do the job, if you’re not in the office 80% of the time, or are they just digging their heels in as a matter of principle?They don’t sound very family friendly to work for!

typo

I would withdraw the offer because you sound like a problem.
You are contracted to start in September and suggesting May is taking the massive piss.

I can't see them going along with this for the reasons pointed out by PPs.

In the real world, pre Covid almost everyone - even single parents as I was and am - went to the office 5 days a week come rain or shine, and both parents and children managed.

I'm grateful we now have hybrid working and wouldn't want to go back to 5 days in the office, but you're not being asked to go in every day and, more importantly, you agreed to it all when you accepted the job.

If it's going to be good for your career and earning potential, just do it. As a single parenr, I value the security of being employed versus self-employed.

You can ask. It is likely you’ll be labelled ‘potentially awkward newbie’ right from the start though… depends if you care really. I can’t see them saying yes, because presumably they need the role. You knew the T&Cs when you applied so it’s just cheeky of you really - again, depends if you care about that.

I wouldn’t even ask because you’re going to look like a CF and taking the piss, could easily spoil any chance you have of ever being employed by them in future as it’s a mark against your name.

You knew what you were applying for in the new job.

YABVU to think that any employerwill accept a delay of 8+ months from your proposed starting date of September to may next year.

Recruitment is expensive & time consuming, they have already spent a lot of money to get your this point & now you're having second thoughts!

When I moved jobs I had a 6 month notice period. New employer knew this before they offered me the job. They still got narked that my old job made me work my whole notice period (old job was publicly reducing staffing levels and had a recruitment freeze so new job thought they might let me go earlier.
I don't think your new job would be at all happy about you postponing starting until May. They probably meant to take a week or two between jobs...

You accepted the role at 80% on site. You already knew how old your child was.

As an employer, if you came to me and asked me to delay it by EIGHT months because your kid is small and you don’t want to travel in winter I would withdraw the offer immediately. You’re not demonstrating any engagement whatsoever.

And I say this as a mother of three who’s always worked and travelled full time.

Turning up for the minimum of what you agreed to is a basic ask.

I've just withdrawn an offer because the candidate said they could start 1st Sept but contacted us this week to say they had to change that to end October.
It really doesn't give a good first impression so you can ask but be prepared to lose the offer.

I agree with pretty much everyone else has said. I would withdraw the offer and hire someone else.

I also don't understand how you need time, when you also say the recruitment process was long. So you've already had 5 months to process what the job would involve, and now you want to delay it further?
That's over a year between applying, and actually starting.

I would be extremely annoyed if I was recruiting someone and they did this.

If they did go for May, you'll feel under pressure to ensure your child is absolutely ready. Give up the new job

Sounds like you’re getting cold feet which is understandable after so long WFH and a big change. In the nicest way, you’ve subconsciously (or consciously?) plucked the age of 4 being ok to go into office from your mind as a barrier. You’re doing the same with the weather too.

I get it because I’ve been there and made minor things seem significant in life choices as a coping mechanism with change, instead of saying ‘this is daunting but I’m going to take the risk anyway because I think it will benefit me and DD due to X Y and Z’.

Surely deep down you know they probably won’t wait for you until next May? And then you’ll loose the opportunity. Children are so resilient. Plus by the time May rolls around and she’s 4, don’t you think you’ll feel you may as well have summer with her and start going into office when she is in school?

I think you either need to sit tight until next September when she is in school and politely decline the role due to ‘a change in circumstance’ so you could maybe apply again with them in future, or seize the opportunity that past you thought it was going to be when you applied and start at the end of September! That way DD has a full year before school to adjust to however you being in office will change things.

When you wfh now is your child in nursery the whole time you are wfh or do you wfh with you child there ?

Id definitely think you would lose the job and Make a terrible impression. I think it probably seems worse in your mind than it will be in reality, and you and your daughter will manage it t just fine.

security services ?

This is what I would do (and have)

Unless this is all some kind of joke I'm mainly flummoxed as to why OP would accept the job knowing it's 80% in the office when she really wants mostly WFH, and even more so about expecting them to wait nearly a year for her to start

In the current cliimate working parents have struggles enough, OP, so please don't disadvantage them any further ... just withdraw gracefully, saying you made a mistake

I agree with all the comments. As an employer I would have no confidence that you would actually start in May. With the summer holidays looming transition to school, the need for wrap around childcare. I could see the can being kicked down the road again I would mark you as not committed to the job and move on to someone else who is
If you want this job you need to recognise the employers needs and offer something. As previous posters have suggested maybe a phased build up to 80% working in the office could be proposed from September or some other form of flexibility. You need to look like you actually want the job and are keen to start in some form

My friend works in recruitment, and she said that the biggest problem now is people accepting a job, knowing the terms, then expecting them to be changed for them once they start.

If you know a job is 80% office and you don't want that, then don't apply for it and certainly don't accept it..

You need to decide whether you want the job on their terms, or if you want to back out now, rescind your notice, or look for another job asap.

They will look for someone else if you’re flaky

Thanks for the replies. I feel so stressed and don’t know what to do. I do want the job but I’ve worked ten years in my current role and honestly feel utterly exhausted and the idea of jumping into a more demanding role and commuting when I’ve not commuted in years …I can’t face it. I know it’s weak and I know people have managed with more but it’s just how I feel. May probably is a bit far off, perhaps I will ask if I can move to the new year and if they don’t like it I will have to accept its not going to work for me for now.

Certain industries have been seeing 500+ applicants per role for several years now, particularly remote roles. It might not be the case here I appreciate, especially as you said it took them a long while to decide, but even if it took them another five months to hire again, that’s quicker than the eight months you’d be off for. Presumably they’d put the offer out to their runner-up candidates too. It sounds awful but you aren’t special to a company. You are special to your daughter, so take the time off if you think it’s right, but I truly don’t think it’d work on your favour, and then you might not be able to get another job come May.

But be honest is it going to work in January. You have already cited the winter as an issue the commuting is too demanding.
I don't think you want the job on their terms ultimately. Let it go, move on and find something better suited to your preferred work life balance

You seem to be saying the start date wasn't fixed, which seems odd, if they know you have DC and have been working from home, they may have been being nice giving the summer holidays for you to organise a routine for childcare. But you don't want to work the hours you will be contracted to work in the office and now you don't want to start until May, do you really want this job? As an employer I would be beginning to wonder if I had made a mistake in offering the job at all. Is it a role that would be difficult to fill if they give up on you?

💯 don’t ask. They will almost certainly withdraw the offer, not just say no. Then you’ve no choice at all.

I’m a single parent to three DC, no support from ex, no family. Since they were small. I work fullltime in a senior-ish professional role. It has been very very hard over the years to juggle childcare and work commitments. I sympathise with your situation, truly, but bluntly, you need to get on with it, and make this work for you & DC; it’s not fair you’re doing it alone, the commute isn’t ideal but plenty of people do it.

Start the job, do your best and once settled, you may have more flexibility that isn’t apparent now.

Good luck.

if you're tired working 80% from home, i can't see you lasting 6 months in a more demanding role with 80% in office and a commute...