Torn on attending a wedding with a positive covid test

[Raveien]

Hello All,

Just looking for advice really, I've been feeling under the weather with cold symptoms after going to a festival and I did a covid test today and its positive. My partner has done a test and is negative. We're both due to travel up country tomorrow, for a wedding on Saturday. I don't know the couple, I am meant to be meeting them for the first time during this wedding. My partner has another covid test that he'll take tomorrow.

I had my partner message the groom to let him know, and he's said for both of us to come anyways, and to just not make a big song and dance for testing positive, he's said about 90 people are going and the chances of someone else having it, irregardless of me, is quite high. My partner will still go without me, I think, but has said he'll be sad without me there, and is of the opinion that if the groom is fine with it, I should still go. But of course, there could be people in attendance who are vulnerable.

However I feel really torn, because my best friend has said she'll be really disappointed in me if I go, and that I don't know these people, so technically I won't be missing out on much - which is true. She said if I was asymptomatic that would be different, but I do have common cold symptoms, but they are manageable with cold and flu medicine.

Just seeking some advice really, if the groom had of said 'she can't come with covid' it would have been so much easier, but now I'm torn between my partner and the groom saying to come, and my best friend saying it would be the wrong thing to do. Would it be unreasonable for me to still go?

Obviously, it's not the common cold, or even the flu. It has definitely mutated, but I had Covid twice - despite being 3 x vaxxed and will never get another vaxx for it but that's another story. Both times I was very ill for a month, the first time I should have been hospitalised as I could not breathe properly and had to sit up in a chair to sleep, but at that point the hospitals were literally queuing people up outside and I was too ill to wait for hours on a deck chair outside a hospital. The second time, I lost my sense of smell completely and it took a year to come back.

So no, it's not and never has been the common cold.

However, it is unlikely to make anybody as sick as that now. But you have tested, and told other people you have tested so if anybody becomes really ill you will get the blame and you will never know if it was your fault.

I'd stay home.

You are frankly an idiot to think that nobody cares. At all.

A lot of people do care. Considerate people, like the OP care or they wouldn't test.

If I had tested positive I wouldn't go to a large gathering in case some of the guests were vulnerable. Covid might be just a cold for most of us, but it isn't for everyone.

Of course you can't go. You've no idea what health issues others have and it's completely wrong to risk they're health. I think you know that already though, the groom is being wreckless

Inaccurate, irresponsible and downright stupid and dangerous post!

Look, I personally don't test now if I have a cold. There was one occasion in the last year I tested when I had a cold right before my loved one's major surgery & I'd been around them a lot. Thankfully negative but covid entered my mind then.

So I wouldn't have tested in your situation. HOWEVER, people are saying covid is a cold and it isn't. It is a cold for a lot of people, yes. But for anyone with any other health issues (diabetes, autoimmune, asthma, blood clotting issues, anyone receiving immunosuppresants... the list goes on) covid is not a cold. Covid can cause inflammation in the entire body & still be dangerous for anyone vulnerable. It also spreads much easier than colds (depending on strain, but generally much easier).

So, would I have tested: no. Could I go knowing I was covid positive: no way.

I would feel terrible guilty all evening. Imagine you're seated near elderly people or you're talking to someone who is telling you about their recent cancer treatment and you know you have covid right now. Whereas, if I was ignorant to whether I had covid & thought I just a cold I wouldn't feel guilty. I'd also probably say to someone vulnerable 'oh I've got a touch of a cold, so don't come too close' but you can't confess you've got covid, it could cause chaos!

And if I'm honest - (does this make me hypocrite with saying I wouldn't have tested?) - I'd be very angry with someone knowingly covid positive mixing with me or my loved ones if they had vulnerability.

Don't go, but also don't test in future unless a genuine situation arises that covid's relevant. Sounds a bit bizarre really "don't go but don't test next time" - but that's my opinion!

Some people do care because they have to. I have chronic asthma, my friend has recently been having cancer treatment. Attending an event with these people would put us both at risk of ending up in hospital. Don't be so blase about other people's health.

No. Knowingly passing on a virus to various people when you don't have to is selfish. It could make other people really ill.

I think this is the most eloquent & intelligent post on this entire thread. I both agree & sigh about most being in camp 1. I'm not even vulnerable but I just do despair at the lack of community sentiment and mass individualism covid has laid bare. I naively assumed most people thought like me before covid & I've been continually surprised & saddened ever since.

It's even made me more selfish really, I find myself thinking 'well if most people won't put themselves out for me why would I for them'. But I wouldn't act on the bitter thoughts, I'd much prefer to do what I'm comfortable with regardless of it being reciprocated. So yes, no way would I go.

It's also often not just a cold for people without any of those comorbidities, my husband is the healthiest man imaginable on zero medications and works out every day and he was felled badly with Covid. Neither of us had ever experienced anything like it.

I do wish I could make the person who is pretending it's just a cold feel precisely what we felt. Doesn't have to be for the full month of torture, just a few days would do. Perhaps then they wouldn't run their mouth talking dangerous nonsense.

You know you have Covid so you don’t go. Why on earth would you accept someone’s invitation to spread Covid around their wedding guests? He can’t speak for everyone in attendance.

It’s NOT just a cold. How are some people so stupid as to think this?

Yes, a very good point of course. I admit I have come to brush it off sometimes in my mind about being like a cold because I was very anxious during the pandemic. It's a bit of a coping mechanism & perhaps is for many, I do think we have collective trauma from the pandemic personally. I do completely recognise the false sense of security I've made up there about assuming I'd be fine if I caught it because I'm not in the vulnerable group.

Long covid sounds beyond torturous for many. So, of course, a very good point you make. I hope your husband will recover with time and wish him the very best.

The nhs no longer test staff! I'm a nurse in the NHS, and the nhs staff are no longer off work with covid. The guidelines are that we do not take tests and we attend work. Unless we are too unwell to attend. So if you were a patient in hospital, you could be being looked after by any number of staff with covid.

NHS staff does say it all. Female health workers are much more likely to develop long covid, I did . The Covid infection was years after 2020, I was fit and healthy , now I have permanent neurological damage and long covid.

I hope the person I caught it from did so unknowingly rather than selfishly deciding to carry on as normal.

Thank you, this was a while back and he did make a recovery, I should have made that clear, but it was a bad and scary time. It really is a lottery, unfortunately, you just cannot predict who will get really sick and who won't. I do think it is less likely now that we've all been exposed to it for years and it does seem to have mutated - but I still wouldn't go to a wedding in the full knowledge I had Covid. And this narrative that Covid is just a cold is ill educated and dangerous nonsense, I wish that myth would just go away

There's always one attempting to legitimize inconsiderate actions . 🙄

The NHS is a train wreck so it doesn't surprise me that staff with covid could be wandering about a workplace filled with vulnerable people.

My mum caught covid from someone hacking away without covering their mouth, was hospitalised with it, and then lost the ability to walk for the last two years of her life as a result.

I despise people who say it's just a cold and nobody cares. They're selfish and moronic.

I wouldn't go...but then again I know someone currently on a long hospital stay who had covid and got very sick. They have become partially blind and a few other things that won't ever go now. His lung problems are Especially bad .
They are late 60s and quite active working full time still.

Covid is everywhere, there's no escaping it. And as pps have said, not many test for it anymore. Some people show no symptoms and are as much a risk of spreading it as you are. If you feel up to it I'd go.

And spread it without a care.... 🤦‍♀️

I am not attempting to legitimise anything. I’m just giving the viewpoint of someone who is immunocompromised. You have to accept that Covid is in circulation. If you don’t want to catch it, you need to take steps to protect yourself. Personally, I’d rather take my chances and enjoy my life.

I had Covid at the beginning of July, the only reason I tested was I was going to a lunch with 20 other people, most of them quite elderly and one recently had undergone a major heart operation. I actually thought I had a summer cold but obviously I didn't.

I also was not very well with it and I am pretty sure that I would not have gone even if I hadn't tested. No way would I have put other more vulnerable people at risk.

I think the groom is right … they’ll be others there who have Covid, either knowingly or not.

Unless vulnerable people don’t leave the house, they are going to come into contact with it.

Those days are over, if you feel well enough OP then go.

Totally wrong, different viruses completely.

One can have the flu and have no symptoms, no two people are the same.

Those who are vulnerable are more than aware there is risk everywhere. It’s not a fun way to have to live.

But those who selfishly go about their business as normal, especially going to places they know will be busy, with no consideration for those they are passing things onto don’t help.

If people on the whole were a bit more considerate then the spread of things could be slowed.

I hope people can see, from the amount of people purely just on this thread, healthy people, who now have long Covid - that it’s not ‘just a cold’

Colds don’t render 10% of those that catch them (of all ages and being healthy is no protection) ill for one year plus with such debilitating symptoms that they can’t leave the house.

I know all of you spouting ‘oh it’s just a cold’ think it won’t happen to you. But it’s happening to perfectly healthy people at an alarmingly high rate.

I was in the ‘it’s just a cold brigade’ a few years ago. My second Covid infection I barely felt! I was just a bit tired for a few days. I thought I had Covid nailed and that I had built immunity. But no. This latest strain has evolved and I’m sure future ones
do. Unfortunately Covid is not just a cold, it can turn very nasty for lots of people.