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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

First World Problem Jealous of Brother’s Inheritance.

90 replies

DaphneCrane · 13/08/2025 19:30

This is a first world problem. Late last year, about a year after my mother’s cousin died, my brother relocated. It never occurred to me that the two events were in any way related. I didn’t think anything about it.

A few weeks ago my husband was on holiday and texted my brother that he was in the area, he wasn’t invited to the house but one thing led to another and they ended up at the house the following day. My husband, who never notices anything commented about how amazing the house was and he had googled how much it was worth. I was almost taking the piss out of my husband to my mother when she completely broke down. Her cousin was brother’s Godmother and he had had a massive inheritance.

I can’t articulate just how jealous I am. Apparently she wanted her to be my Godmother as well but Dad insisted on one of his lot.

Now my two sons have different Godparents with eldest’s Godfather being very generous, while ignoring his Godchild’s sibling. There are days out, because of his job and a few photos with celebrities. My husband had to ask that younger son was also invited to this man’s wedding while eldest was an usher.

I can see the same scenario playing out with my two children and I feel stupid. I know these things aren’t important but I just can’t stop thinking about it and I hate myself.

OP posts:
OtterlyMad · 13/08/2025 19:54

I find the concept of godparents for non-religious people silly. But what’s done is done; you need to find a way to move forward and not dwell on something which may or may not happen.

1AngelicFruitCake · 13/08/2025 20:11

I find godparents ridiculous unless you are truly religious.

Bathingforest · 13/08/2025 20:14

I thought your parents did something evil. That's not the case , be happy

In my case, my brother took everything from my parents

DaphneCrane · 13/08/2025 20:14

We are culturally Christian, DH is the grandson of a vicar. I am a believer.

I want advice on how to deal with my jealousy.

I feel so guilty and terrified about this playing out with my sons.

OP posts:
PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 13/08/2025 20:15

DaphneCrane · 13/08/2025 20:14

We are culturally Christian, DH is the grandson of a vicar. I am a believer.

I want advice on how to deal with my jealousy.

I feel so guilty and terrified about this playing out with my sons.

Thems the breaks though? Your ds may not be left lots of money?

Bathingforest · 13/08/2025 20:16

Look. As a Christian I know what truly matters is what's inside of people....not what surrounds them, God wise

We all will be giving an account. Jealousy is forbidden in the 10 commandments, especially about houses

Mayflower282 · 13/08/2025 20:18

Why didn’t your child share it with their sibling? I think the fault lies there tbh.

Bathingforest · 13/08/2025 20:18

Nobody knows what's inside us....we know what surrounds people but this doesn't guarantee life in Heaven. Quite the opposite....the rich young man.

Changingplace · 13/08/2025 20:19

DaphneCrane · 13/08/2025 20:14

We are culturally Christian, DH is the grandson of a vicar. I am a believer.

I want advice on how to deal with my jealousy.

I feel so guilty and terrified about this playing out with my sons.

Terrified is a but melodramatic.

Your kids god parents might lose interest in a few years, most do tbh, I don’t really know anyone who take it this seriously.

And if they do, they’ll deal with it like you have, such is life.

Changingplace · 13/08/2025 20:20

Mayflower282 · 13/08/2025 20:18

Why didn’t your child share it with their sibling? I think the fault lies there tbh.

It’s OP and her brother, the situation with her kids is entirely hypothetical.

LeedsZebra90 · 13/08/2025 20:21

Surely your children's godparents are very close friends, can't you just speak to them about it?

Confabulations · 13/08/2025 20:27

Sorry, but a godparent relationship is up to the individuals you choose. It was not fair that your DH insisted that your younger son received an invitation to a wedding for his older brother's godfather.
It sounds as if your brother (and mother) tried to be discreet until you started on the piss taking. Clearly, his godfather took his commitment seriously and make sure his godson was looked after. This is not a Bad Thing. Be happy for him instead of making it about you and your children and some hypothetical future that may not happen.

Ooodelally · 13/08/2025 20:30

I don’t even know who my godparents are. I asked my mum, she can’t remember all of them. At least one is dead. I really wouldn’t give this any more thought at all! The chances of this very unusual occurrence happening all over again for your children is miniscule.

ForWarmPeachBird · 13/08/2025 20:32

Try not to think about your DC and their God parents.

Perhaps a few counselling sessions to talk through your jealousy rather than it eats you up.

Laura95167 · 13/08/2025 20:36

I think its odd she wanted to be your Godmother too, but then why not split the inheritance? Im assuming as children she saw you both together. I think its odd

Confabulations · 13/08/2025 20:38

Laura95167 · 13/08/2025 20:36

I think its odd she wanted to be your Godmother too, but then why not split the inheritance? Im assuming as children she saw you both together. I think its odd

She didn't want to be. It was OP's mum who wanted the same person for both kids and their dad vetoed it.

GodSavetheJean · 13/08/2025 20:39

Laura95167 · 13/08/2025 20:36

I think its odd she wanted to be your Godmother too, but then why not split the inheritance? Im assuming as children she saw you both together. I think its odd

OPs mom wanted the rich cousin to be OPs godmother as well but OPs dad insisted it be someone from his family.

declutteringmymind · 13/08/2025 20:40

It’s galling. Of course it is. Try to unpick your feelings a bit.
you could be partlyfeeling resentful because it was kept a secret.

try and think of how life was before you knew about the inheritance and try and get back to that space in your mind.

SnackAckerTack · 13/08/2025 20:42

So you haven't visited your brother or seen photos of his new house? Do you even talk?

FancyNewt · 13/08/2025 20:45

That sucks OP. It's a shame your brother didn't share with you. All I can say is envy is waste of energy and be grateful for what you have. There's always someone worse off than you etc.

ForWarmPeachBird · 13/08/2025 20:48

FancyNewt · 13/08/2025 20:45

That sucks OP. It's a shame your brother didn't share with you. All I can say is envy is waste of energy and be grateful for what you have. There's always someone worse off than you etc.

If the godmother wanted the OP to have a share of her money she would have put that in her will.

strawlight · 13/08/2025 20:49

One of my godmothers is minted but it’s never occurred to me that she’d leave me anything -I assume it’ll all go to her own kids and children.

@DaphneCrane did this godmother have her own kids? Because if not I think it’s reasonable to expect that she’d share her legacy between her nieces/nephews/godchildren.

OtterlyMad · 13/08/2025 20:51

DaphneCrane · 13/08/2025 20:14

We are culturally Christian, DH is the grandson of a vicar. I am a believer.

I want advice on how to deal with my jealousy.

I feel so guilty and terrified about this playing out with my sons.

… pray for guidance?

Honestly I find it quite baffling that someone who claims to be Christian is so focused on money. Stop obsessing about ‘what ifs’ and concentrate on raising your sons to be kind, generous and unmaterialistic - that way, even if history repeats itself, it won’t come between them.

FancyNewt · 13/08/2025 20:54

ForWarmPeachBird · 13/08/2025 20:48

If the godmother wanted the OP to have a share of her money she would have put that in her will.

And the brother could have shared his good fortune if he wanted to. The godmother is hardly in a position to object.

Nomorecoconutboosts · 13/08/2025 20:55

I’ve recently had a similar experience but the ‘benefactor’ was a very close family member.
in my case it wasn’t unexpected that I would be ‘disinherited’
I try and reframe this type of disappointment/situation.
I am fortunate to have a perfectly adequate home, healthy children, paid employment. I am not rich but I want for nothing and have also been lucky enough to process some of my past trauma (related to the family member who died)
I focus on what I actually have rather than what someone else inherited and what I was ‘morally’ entitled to. Genuinely I think this is the only way forward for me.