First World Problem Jealous of Brother’s Inheritance.

[DaphneCrane]

This is a first world problem. Late last year, about a year after my mother’s cousin died, my brother relocated. It never occurred to me that the two events were in any way related. I didn’t think anything about it.

A few weeks ago my husband was on holiday and texted my brother that he was in the area, he wasn’t invited to the house but one thing led to another and they ended up at the house the following day. My husband, who never notices anything commented about how amazing the house was and he had googled how much it was worth. I was almost taking the piss out of my husband to my mother when she completely broke down. Her cousin was brother’s Godmother and he had had a massive inheritance.

I can’t articulate just how jealous I am. Apparently she wanted her to be my Godmother as well but Dad insisted on one of his lot.

Now my two sons have different Godparents with eldest’s Godfather being very generous, while ignoring his Godchild’s sibling. There are days out, because of his job and a few photos with celebrities. My husband had to ask that younger son was also invited to this man’s wedding while eldest was an usher.

I can see the same scenario playing out with my two children and I feel stupid. I know these things aren’t important but I just can’t stop thinking about it and I hate myself.

If you’re worried about inequality between your two kids then I can see two solutions

1. ask the godparents not to leave any inheritance to your kids. Ok may mean they miss out but ensures equality

2. ask your kids, once they are old enough, to agree to share any inheritances. Hopefully they will recognise the fairness of this.

I seriously think you are overthinking and your jealousy is clouding your judgement. I am Irish Catholic, my godfather is wealthy and the chance of me being left a penny in his will is zero. My God mother does well for herself, I won't get anything in her inheritance either. As much as I would love to be left some money! I don't think its a common thing at all, especially if you have your own actual children to leave your inheritance to. I have a godchild and she won't be in my will either! It wouldn't have even crossed my mind.

I understand your jealousy, I would be too in this situation to be honest, I don't have advice to give for this unfortunately, but regarding your children's Godparents and inheritance I really don't think its going to even be an issue worth worrying about

This is a good suggestion for future worries but with money, there is always the risk that it will cause jealousy & division but at least this approach would try to address that!

Op, regarding your brother, there is nothing you can do other than try to be happy for him & forget about it. Your jealousy is understandable though so don’t beat yourself up too much!

Well the OP, who the message was aimed at, appreciated what was said

I am deeply ashamed of how I feel.

You need to be kind to yourself. Accept yourself. Shame is not good.

Okay so you are jealous. Nobody is perfect. It is alright.

Just get over yourself. Jealousy is an ugly emotion. Be happy for your brother.

If he'd won the lottery would you be as jealous?

I agree with this.

Its normal to feel jealous. Most people would on this situation. You need to just work through your feelings and come out the other side. But there's nothing wrong with the feelings.

I think I would feel some jealousy and a lot of shock, people have feelings, don’t be ashamed.

I think it is probably rare for a godparent to leave their estate to a godchild - most would probably go on to have their own partner / children who would inherit.

On the last point:
Who leaves a ton of money to a Godchild? someone rich and childless with no close relatives/friends.
What are the chances of that happening again and does this describe any of your DC's Godparents?

I think you are using the 'concern' for this happening to your children (and God knows there are worse things than inheriting a load of cash!) to mask your jealousy of your brother's windfall.
Think of it like a lotto win, extremely fortunate and unlikely to be repeated.
Be happy for your brother and think of all you have to be grateful for.

I guess this is why it was kept for you but that doesn't make it any easier. Id be more pissed at your parents & siblings for basically cutting ties with you rather then the money as that's a pretty poor attitude to just buy & a house & avoid any personal contact from there on

I think your brother just got a huge blessing whether he deserves it or not and since there's nothing you can do, you should let it go. It is not good to hold resentment over anything, but even more when your brother didn't do anything wrong.

Regarding your children, well, they already have their own godparents so can't change them. It is also not very fair to ask a Godparent to care for both your kids when maybe they just want a relationship with their own godson.

In your type of religion, do you have another ceremony where you need another Godparent? Such as First Communion? If so, you can swap godparents so they have both your kids at different stage.

Ignore those people telling you that your jealousy of someone else’s financial windfall is un-Christian. Religion- and indeed life regardless of what you choose to believe about gods - is not about refusing to feel things, it’s about allowing yourself to feel them and then processing those feelings and dealing with them in the best way you can. You have repeatedly said that you do not expect him to share it, that you don’t really begrudge him and that you are just processing an envy which you feel rather ashamed of. These are all good things to be thinking and processing and are entirely natural and normal. Of course you feel envious, in all honesty how could you not. But at the same time life is not fair and we all at times find ourselves pulled apart by -what we know is unjustified and silly - jealousy and envy. Working that through, as you are, is great.

BUT do not pass those fears that this may happen to your children. It might, but so might many things. There is enough in the world to worry about and a possible future inheritance from a god parent shouldn’t be one. After all, an inheritance from a god parent isn’t the norm, and certainly not such a windfall. Most God Parents will have others (children, spouses, close family) they will leave their money to. Unless one of your children’s god parents is an unmarried, childless, millionaire I think it’s not something you need to even think about!

It sucks, but nothing you can do. IMO not a first world problem but a timeless universal, because it’s about perceived fairness.