First World Problem Jealous of Brother’s Inheritance.

[DaphneCrane]

This is a first world problem. Late last year, about a year after my mother’s cousin died, my brother relocated. It never occurred to me that the two events were in any way related. I didn’t think anything about it.

A few weeks ago my husband was on holiday and texted my brother that he was in the area, he wasn’t invited to the house but one thing led to another and they ended up at the house the following day. My husband, who never notices anything commented about how amazing the house was and he had googled how much it was worth. I was almost taking the piss out of my husband to my mother when she completely broke down. Her cousin was brother’s Godmother and he had had a massive inheritance.

I can’t articulate just how jealous I am. Apparently she wanted her to be my Godmother as well but Dad insisted on one of his lot.

Now my two sons have different Godparents with eldest’s Godfather being very generous, while ignoring his Godchild’s sibling. There are days out, because of his job and a few photos with celebrities. My husband had to ask that younger son was also invited to this man’s wedding while eldest was an usher.

I can see the same scenario playing out with my two children and I feel stupid. I know these things aren’t important but I just can’t stop thinking about it and I hate myself.

I do agree her mum should not have let on that she wanted OP to have the same godparent. However, her parents would have had no way to know when they chose godparents for their children that the cousin in question would leave such an enormous sum to their son decades later. That wasn't playing favourites.

Plenty of lottery winners prefer to keep their good fortune quiet because of jealous, greedy people holding their hands out. Maybe brother knew this is how OP would react.

Why do you allow any .unfairness with your children. That's on you and you have every means to stop it while they are children

Does the Bible not have quite a few tips on jealousy?

Doesn't sound as though they're that close if she didn't know where her brother lived or about the inheritance for years.

How is your relationship with your brother? Something similar happened to me and my brother (he inherited from his godmother) but he gave me half (it wasn’t a great deal of money, about 25k each). I’m surprised he didn’t at least give a bit to be honest (out of acknowledgment of how arbitrary the choice of godparent is)

You need to let go. Comparison to others is always going to leave you feeling down. There will always be people who are worse off than you and people who are better off. As you progress through life some people have a lot of luck and others do not. Your brother’s circumstances are quite unusual. It is much more usual to receive a modest keep sake or small amount of money from a Godparent and I do not think the chances of this kind of inheritance repeating itself is high.

I think it a normal reaction to feel envious but you need to separate this from you son. I don't think it would be appropriate to for brother to share his inheritance as the money was clearly left to him - if the god parent wanted you to have money, they would have given you money.

You don't know how it's going to play out with you sons. You have no control over it anyway. Arguably it's not even your business. Put it out of your mind.

As for your jealousy, I do sympathise. I think that's a very natural response to the situation. Ultimately though, them's the breaks. It's not anyone's fault or any kind of attempt to screw you over. Your brother got lucky and his godmother was exceptionally generous.

I know it's hard, but try to count your own blessings. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who would be jealous of what you have.

I didn’t receive any inheritance from my godparents `- nor did I expect to.

They left their money to their children, which is normal.🤷‍♀️

Focus on what you have got, not what you wish you had.

Your feelings are natural.

breaking it down

Your mother was a shithead for telling you sheeeeeee wanted you to be a godchild too but mean old daddy didnt so in some parallel sliding doors world you have an extra million or 2.... - she WBVU to tell you that.

Your db skulking off and saying fuck all was babyish. He doesnt owe you any money but he shouldn't have been sneaky about it. Fwiw I would share with my db... but not all siblings would though.

You are where you are.
Get some counselling and try and work through it

I do think this is a good point. We also don’t know the relationship the brother had with the godparent. Was he one who visited/called/messaged regularly, being part of this person’s life whereas they were a stranger to the OP?

having a godparent who is wealthy at death (given care home fees, not a given), doesn’t have a surviving spouse, and doesn’t have dcs or nieces /nephews and doesn’t have any close friends to leave their money to, is not something you can predict when picking godparents.

The OPs son with the rich godparent is still unlikely to get anything from them if they have their own children.

It was mean of your brother not to throw you some money. You could teach your kids to share their good fortune with each other?

Culturally Christian and 'believing' are not enough.
You have to LIVE as a Christian.
You need to have a daily practice of prayer and contemplation.
You need to put in the hard work of self-improvement, so that you can overcome things like jealousy and other negative traits in yourself.
You need to trust in God, trust that God will guide your sons through life, even though their lives will be different in many, many ways, inheritance or not.

I suggest starting with daily prayer.
Then study methods of Christian meditation and contemplation.

I am deeply ashamed of how I feel.

I do not blame my mother in any way for revealing her initially wanting us to have the same Godparents; she said it when she was emotional after I caught her off guard.

Does this make sense? While I am jealous of my brother’s inheritance and wish I had some, I do not think he should have shared his with me. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense.

I see my brother quite often given that he lives about 300 miles away.

When I said that my husband was in his neck of the woods and he met him in a pub, this shouldn’t be interpreted as my brother’s reluctance to have him in the house, my brother invited them the next day as husband’s friend needed a bit of kit and my brother gave him his.

He did see his Godmother reasonably often but so did I. While she didn’t have her own kids she had a niece and a nephew and her late husband also had nieces and nephews but I don’t know how many. I do not know if my brother was the sole heir.

My eldest son’s Godfather will not have his own children but does have one niece who is never present when my son is taken out, nor did she play a role in his wedding.

I just need to get on with things and be grateful. This has definitely helped.

EuclidianGeometryFan You are of course right.

What are you on about?

He just got lucky. He could have won the lottery.

How to deal with your jealousy: don't be jealous. Be happy for him.

Honestly, I would be more concerned about the lack of relationship with your brother. He moved house and you had no knowledge of or interest in where he'd moved to until you found out it was expensive??!

You don't need to do any of these things.

Not necessarily. My brother lives in America and we don't speak much but I see hm once a year when he comes home and we get on well. I wouldn't consider us super close but in the past when he's needed me I have been there for him and I know he would be for me too. In a similar solution (less money) he shared it with me.

OK 'need' was the wrong word.
But as a Christian, the OP was asking about how to get over jealousy.

This is quite common. I know a few people who has had an inheritance from their childfree godparent. My best friends brother inherited his godmother. Getting £300k when you're 22yo is quite a nice thing to have.
Sucks for the siblings. I also know that some parents specifically ask childfree people to be a godparent for their child in hopes of better presents and money in the future.

It is ok to be jealous. But you can control your reaction to your brother. He didn't do anything wrong. And neither is your children's godparents.

She might have left it all to your brother anyway. My mum's cousins had a rich uncle who never married. He had five nephews and nieces and it all got left to his favourite nephew (talking about a £4 million estate). It did cause some resentment but he had a favourite and didn't give a damn. His favourite nephew also had a wife and three children who he adored and was very involved with. If you are wondering the other nephews and nieces all tried to cosy up to rich uncle but it made no difference, right from when they were young kids he had a favourite one...

@DaphneCrane well OP if you are a christian believer then remember the tenth commandment!!! THOU SHALT NOT COVET!!!!!

@DaphneCrane Also, I cannot believe your mother did not mention your brother receiving this inheritance!!

Actually, I can't believe she did mention it. It was none of the OP's business and she shouldn't have told her anything about his personal life and circumstances. If he wanted her to know he would have told her himself.