I don’t like going for walks or to the park, I want to look around shops

[tohaverealisediam]

on Sunday I was feeling like the walls were falling in on me and just needed to get out. This is where my husband usually suggests a walk or taking the kids to the park- I find this so boring.

I realised that what I want to do, most it the time when I’m feeling like this- is just go and mooch around a couple of shops, get a coffee or lunch, maybe buy something new- nothing big necessarily, but maybe a little lamp or a new candle or something. This makes me happy. Going to the park, really doesn’t make me happy at all. It just doesn’t stimulate me whatsoever.

I am happy to take the kids to the playground of course, but parks or walks just bore me so much. My husband much prefers going for a walk. I don’t mind a walk so much if it’s in an amazing scenic location, in fact I do enjoy it. But I just don’t enjoy it when there’s not much to see.

I know that most mumsnetters love a walk etc and that’s great, but does it not just under stimulate you ?

it’s a bit of a struggle as obviously my husband and I have different preferences.

we ended up going out for a bit, going to a couple of shops, getting dinner out so I didn’t need to cook and clean up.

I am just so bored of staying in all weekend with two young kids and the only thing we do is maybe go for a walk, that’s all my husband wants to do as he finds going out stressful.

I would love to go shopping but solo! Kids are 5 and 9. They hate shopping (unless it's for toys). Husband hates shopping too so at the weekend it's walks and parks for us. I do all my shopping online instead. I figure while the kids are still reliant on us the weekends are centered around them. They are pretty good at entertaining themselves at home so if we are out in the mornings then I can chill a bit in the afternoons.

I love a good walk and have a dog so get loads in nice places and it makes me feel better. But when we were kids and growing up we’d pop into town for a coffee and a browse. Still meet up with friends for a browse and a coffee.

it’s just getting out isn’t it?

I get stir crazy very quickly if left inside too long.

What is concerning to me about your post is that you say you’re bored of staying in all weekend with two young kids because your DH finds going out stressful, and only wants to go for a walk, while you only want to shop — you get that those aren’t the only two options, right?

Do you have a car op? Have you investigated places in your area for days out? Country parks? Picnic ? Cycle ride around a reservoir or similar? Water sports like kayak hire ? Museums have things on for chn especially in the holidays. Do you invite family or friends over for a bbq or brunch? Our cinema used to do a kids viewing on Saturday morning for about £3( 15/20 years ago) .

Maybe they dont have money for constant day trips out.

My days look like that when I was a child. Mum didnt have any money

I think maybe explore other options rather than just shopping or a walk. What is going n in your area? Could you do an activity as a family swimming, bowling, trampoline park, cinema, paddle boarding, library, farm, zoo, museum etc Yes these mostly cost money but so does shopping lunch etc and you can get annual passes to lots of things. National Trust Membership might be good for you all nice things to look at and usually a cafe/gift shop.

But as picnic is just taking your food out to the park to make the day more fun. Doesn’t have to be fancy. Most museums are free. If they have bikes already that’s a free day out.

They’re just the easiest options that don’t need a lot of planning in advance, that’s why I mention them.

we do other stuff, like see family or go lunch. The kids also have weekend activities, like tennis or football or ballet and during term time, we have at least one birthday party every weekend. But I am the one who tends to take them to activities like swimming, soft play or trampoline park. We also go to museums sometimes, but not loads. He’d never want to do any of those things. The only thing he suggests, is going for a walk.

no we aren’t struggling for money or anything like that, that’s not why.

I mentioned mooching around shops vs going for a walk, just because it dawned on me how boring I find going for a walk or to the park, not because it’s the only thing ever do. Shopping is more reserved for days where we don’t have plans and are just looking to get out of the house for a couple of hours and also for those types of days where you’re just feeling fed up of the repeat cycle of cooking, cleaning and tidying up.

I think you have a DH problem.

When my DC were growing up we were annual members of zoos, aquariums, safari parks, petting zoos. Also visited parks, lakes, climbed mountains and went to free science and history museums.

Did I like going to these places every weekend and school holidays? No. But the children did.

We were never in. Always doing arts and crafts with what we picked up on days out too.

It is not fair your DH isn't willing to get involved more think you need to talk to him about it. When you are an annual member of things it doesn’t take much planning just get in the car and go. Always have a go bag ready.

That’s nice. I really don’t like being in at the weekends. It just becomes and endless cycle of cleaning up and cooking. Much prefer to be out, doing stuff. But not just going for a walk.

you admit it’s not just walking round the shops - it’s finding something to buy which feels shallow , a bit trapped . Like you need more in your life and you have just gone for the shiny new spending money approach to try and get it

rather than looking for excitement perhaps you could look for something more challenging and long term more fulfilling- learn something yourself ( language, music, dance, art) find a book in the library on a topic that might interest you make yourself feel complete ans happy in who you are rather than pottering around the shops to get a short term hug if buying something new

@tohaverealisediam I just accepted this is what made my children happy and in turn I was glad to not be in the house!

I didn’t love doing it I just knew hanging around the house was worse for me 😂

Find something to do? Not just shops.

It very much depends for me.

An autumn walk around Hyde park with a nice coffee and a friend to have a good catch up with? I’m there in a heartbeat.

Standing in the playground for hours watching my kids trying to kill themselves on the highest point of the climbing frame. Ugh, no thanks. I do it because I have to but I find it mind numbing.

Like you I do enjoy a bit of shopping. But not with the kids in tow (although yours might be older) - I try and pop into the shops on a weekday when they’re at school and I can get a bit of time off work.

Can you divide the weekend up a bit so you’re not parenting the whole time? Maybe DH takes them to the park one afternoon so you can have a walk round the shops?

Then I think you need to make “going for a walk” more fun - but ideally not just “going to buy a new thing you don’t really want/need”.

I did suggest Pokémon go, but also geocaching might suit you. Essentially make “going for a walk” more engaging without it being “buy stuff”.

I wouldn’t take the kids if I actually needed to do proper shopping if that makes sense ? Only if there’s not really a need to actually shop, but rather just look around and maybe pick up something random if it’s not stressful. I wouldn’t queue up for ages to buy something like a new bowl or something if I had the kids with me.

but if it happens to be quiet and I saw a bowl I liked, I might get it. But I wouldn’t work hard to buy something when I’m with them because it’s just so stressful.

How about if you get a pass for a couple of local museums or petting zoo/farm places and go regularly. If expense isn’t an issue you can use their cafes & if it is take a picnic.

We are in the north east so have constant English Heritage and National Trust memberships as there are plenty of properties for both locally and then rotate between life science centre, Newcastle castle, Alnwick castle/gardens, beamish museum for memberships and go to all the free museums too.

If you like to include shops why not ask
chat GPT to identify some local routes that would take in a play area, a nice spot to stop for a coffee/lunch, some sculptures/statues and some quirky shops to have a browse in. It seems quite good at that and has suggested some great ideas for us locally that had something for everyone and let us have a nice day out very reasonably

Yes … Do you and your DH never take your children to a museum or art gallery? Unlimited mooching opportunities (and there’s always a gift shop at the end.) Most have dedicated children’s spaces and activities, but IME children are generally curious to experience everything that’s on offer. Concerts generally cost more but if your local city has a conservatoire there’ll be endless free concerts performed by students. Even for people who are not religious churches can provide stimulation and entertainment - there’s sure to be choral evensong as well as regular daytime things you could take children to for free. Sign yourself or your children up for a choir - that would open up a world of possibilities.

Obviously don’t know where you are in the country but both of you would be doing your children a disservice if walks and shopping are the only options you ever offer them. Sign up to some local ‘What’s On’ sites - you’ll never run out of things to do.

I feel like the shops is a red herring here - and the actual issue is that your husband only wants to take the kids on walks, not any other type of family focused activities like theme parks, cinema, museums etc. Not sure how you change this - how does he respond if you try and broach it?

I can't relate to this really: I love walking and being outside and if I don't do it for a long period of time I get depressed. Either fully rural or in a City, doesn't matter. Just love being in the fresh air.

I enjoy shopping when it has a purpose and in small doses and particularly when its unique, boutiquey or quirky shops. I find department store/high street shopping monotonous and I'm not a fan of the "retail therapy" concept, there's something about the idea of blind consumerism as as a hobby I find depressing.

It does strike me though that walking and shopping aren't the only choices here. You know there are other ways to spend your time at weekends?

I do think you could find ways to make a wall more fun. So Pokémon go, or geocaching or downloading lists of historical locations in your area to visit.

I love walking, the longer and more rural the better. I also like shopping but prefer to do it alone, and dislike spending money on things I don't need, so, other than for food, I don't go that often. When our children were young we took them out a lot - I enjoyed watching them play in the park and liked being away from the house where all I would see were chores. We'd get a snack or ice cream quite often. And as they got more independent, DH and I could sit on a bench and chat.

Agree. To get ‘steps in’ I’d always head for the city not the park.