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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being unreasonable?

88 replies

MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 14:21

Person A has a friend who is currently living in a caravan and using a laundrette. Friend is coming to the house in a few weeks to babysit A and B’s children for the night. Person A has said they can use the washing machine while they are here.

Person B is not happy with this as last time they used the washing machine friend had overloaded it quite significant and nearly broken it.

Person A said they have spoken to friend and told them they will show them how to do the washing but don’t think this would be a problem.

Person B thinks Person A does not respect their wishes and thinks as Person B paid for the washing machine that they should be allowed to say that friend can’t use it. Person A thinks it would be awkward to have friend babysit but tell them that they can’t use the washing machine.

Person B said in that case they would rather stay home and not go away for the night.

Person B is quite autistic and is very rigid about things within the home.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
KarmenPQZ · 13/08/2025 14:24

If you can’t trust them to use the washing machine appropriately then how can you trust them with your children.

steff13 · 13/08/2025 14:26

I can actually see both sides here but I probably would be fine with the friend using the washing machine as long as they were aware that they had almost broken it the last time and that person A is going to show them how to use it correctly.

Growlybear83 · 13/08/2025 14:30

I think that person B is being ridiculous and seriously unkind not to let someone use the washing machine who is living in those circumstances and doing a favour by babysitting. If the friend is shown how to use the washing machine properly, I really can’t see the problem.

YourSnugHazelTraybake · 13/08/2025 14:32

I'm curious how you 'almost' break a washing machine. Either it broke, or it didn't. But as per pp, if you trust them with your kids then you should be able to trust them with your belongings.

Original poster
MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 14:32

KarmenPQZ · 13/08/2025 14:24

If you can’t trust them to use the washing machine appropriately then how can you trust them with your children.

Not really relevant to the post.

OP posts:
rumred · 13/08/2025 14:32

Person b sounds mealy mouthed and mean.

Anewuser · 13/08/2025 14:33

So you’re A and your partner B. It’s his weekend with his kid there but you’ve planned to go away, so your friend is looking after the kids/house?

Yes, it would be rude and ridiculous to say, “We trust you with our kids but not our washing machine.”

Either take the kids, get another babysitter or let them use the washing machine.

and you can’t be a bit autistic.

Oreosareawful · 13/08/2025 14:34

B sounds like my husband, but if hes the one paying for it I don't blame him for saying no.

ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera · 13/08/2025 14:35

What does a nearly broken washing machine look like? Do you mean it could have potentially broken based on the the number of clothes put in it or did it need to be repaired?

Original poster
MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 14:36

Basically it was so overloaded it couldn’t drain properly so B had to drain it and then did the washing in 4 separate loads.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 13/08/2025 14:36

B is being an asshole

Bumcake · 13/08/2025 14:36

The washing machine denier is an upright scrooge.

Original poster
MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 14:37

Anewuser · 13/08/2025 14:33

So you’re A and your partner B. It’s his weekend with his kid there but you’ve planned to go away, so your friend is looking after the kids/house?

Yes, it would be rude and ridiculous to say, “We trust you with our kids but not our washing machine.”

Either take the kids, get another babysitter or let them use the washing machine.

and you can’t be a bit autistic.

What? They are OUR children.

OP posts:
redskydelight · 13/08/2025 14:37

Compromise that Person A supervises while they put the wash on and checks that all is ok?

I can see both sides. I agree it would be horrendously mean to not let them use the washing machine if they are babysitting. However, they did bring this on themself by breaking the machine last time, so I also see B's point of view.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 13/08/2025 14:37

Can't work out how to vote as I think you're person A but not sure? Anyway I see both sides, B obviously feels strongly enough to give up on the night out - I think you can't accept the babysitting but not allow the washing machine use so it would have to mean no night out. That would be awkward to tell the friend though so you'd have to lie! B sounds absolutely not my kind of person but I don't know the friend - if they are genuinely quite careless and destructive then maybe B has a point.

arcticpandas · 13/08/2025 14:39

Person B should not let this friend watch his/her children if they don't trust said friend to use the washing machine !

Original poster
MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 14:40

Person A has told Person B that’s fine, they can stay home with the children and Person A will go to the party without them.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 13/08/2025 14:41

Person B isn't wrong, especially if they're the one that has to fix it if the friend breaks it again. Agree that if they can't be trusted with washing machine then can't be trusted with kids

Ponderingwindow · 13/08/2025 14:41

Truly, if you can’t trust the sitter to do a wash, you shouldn’t trust them with the children.

spend 2 minutes showing the sitter the correct volume of clothing for your washer.

Shoxfordian · 13/08/2025 14:42

Person A should stay home, they're being unreasonable now

user382472047 · 13/08/2025 14:43

Sounds like she was desparate to use the machine and overloaded it to rush the process instead of doing 2 manageable loads. I would help her, how shit must it be to live in a van?

MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 13/08/2025 14:44

redskydelight · 13/08/2025 14:37

Compromise that Person A supervises while they put the wash on and checks that all is ok?

I can see both sides. I agree it would be horrendously mean to not let them use the washing machine if they are babysitting. However, they did bring this on themself by breaking the machine last time, so I also see B's point of view.

This. Babysitter arrives a bit earlier so A and/or B can supervise use of machine and all is ok before they leave.

ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera · 13/08/2025 14:45

So these children are A & B's shared children? I mean, I might just get A to lay out the laundry piles before leaving for the night. Surely it's best just to chalk it up as a mistake?

Original poster
MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 14:45

MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 13/08/2025 14:44

This. Babysitter arrives a bit earlier so A and/or B can supervise use of machine and all is ok before they leave.

Show quote history

This has already been proposed but B has just flat out said no.

OP posts:
Motomum23 · 13/08/2025 14:47

Surely you can just say to your friend hubby is being a twat about tje washing machine so I'll 'oversee' you loading it up to make sure it doesn't get overfilled again and then it'll be finished by the time we are home. You aren't going for a week away so she'll only have time to do 1 wash.... and tbh I have overloaded my machine loads of times the only thing that happened is nothing cleaned well so I actually think the not-draining thing is a fault on your machine and not your friends fault