Who is being unreasonable?

[MidoriNoRingo]

Person A has a friend who is currently living in a caravan and using a laundrette. Friend is coming to the house in a few weeks to babysit A and B’s children for the night. Person A has said they can use the washing machine while they are here.

Person B is not happy with this as last time they used the washing machine friend had overloaded it quite significant and nearly broken it.

Person A said they have spoken to friend and told them they will show them how to do the washing but don’t think this would be a problem.

Person B thinks Person A does not respect their wishes and thinks as Person B paid for the washing machine that they should be allowed to say that friend can’t use it. Person A thinks it would be awkward to have friend babysit but tell them that they can’t use the washing machine.

Person B said in that case they would rather stay home and not go away for the night.

Person B is quite autistic and is very rigid about things within the home.

Who is being unreasonable?

This is bizarre. It isn't B's washer if it's a purchase for the family. Why are they being possessive over it? If you're friend is coming to babysit for you, B should have some gratitude for that.

Perhaps not, but if B paid for the initial washer then the assumption would be that he would also have to pay to replace it if it broke. And he fixed it the first time. If the washer is his responsibility I can see why he'd have more of a say.

You are, for the Person A and Person B nonsense. Say who you are.

Can you take your friend to the party?

How did they get the loading of the machine so wrong?

Why? It’s not a personal item, it’s an appliance. Would you not let someone use your kettle or put something in your fridge?

There's very little spare space in our fridge (small fridge), and if they nearly broken/misused the kettle last time they used it, then, yes, I'd be wary. I didn't routinely ask for to babysit my child though.

Tell friend that your washing machine is very picky and you can only do half loads, but that they're more than welcome to do multiple loads of washing- leave plenty of products for them. Leave out airers/pegs and leave a guide of how to use machine.

Person B needs to chill out and not try to control person A!

I’ve spoken to my friend and she’s obviously incredibly hurt and embarrassed about it and no longer feels comfortable coming over which is completely understandable. I’ve told him if he wants to come he needs to arrange childcare but I shall be going on my own.

Was she not incredibly embarrassed when she nearly broke the washing machine?

Your husband is not unreasonable to worry about her breaking it.

I was looking for this comment regarding the "quite autistic" comment, so thank you!

@MidoriNoRingo You're either autistic or you're not. 😅

As a PP said it’s a spectrum. He’s a high functioning autistic man, not severely autistic like the children I work with. So yes, I refer to him as “a bit autistic”.

Oh, he's diagnosed?
I understand your reasoning for using that term, but I'm surprised you would use it considering you work with autistic children. Many, many of the autistic adults I know find that sort of language offensive. It is a spectrum, yes, but it isn't linear. If it was, people would get 'more autistic' the further up the line they go. Obviously that's not how it works. People are no longer diagnosed with Asperger's because of the connotations it had, suggesting that Asperger's is a milder form of autism. Like...it's the good kind of autism. There is no mild (or "quite") version of autism because, as I said above, it isn't a linear spectrum.

Anyway...back to the post. Person B is being a dick! 😅

I think it’s extremely relevant actually!