Am I right to be angry that my husband called me a cunt?

[Kindheart72]

The other day we went to a party, we had a good time although my husband drank too much, the next day I saw on his phone that he had text his friend during the party and said ‘my wife is a miserable cunt’ I was really hurt. He said it was just banter but I found it disrespectful and derogatory. He says I’m overreacting, he was drunk and didn’t mean it. Our marriage is very strained at the minute and this feels like the final nail in the coffin. AIBU?

The only unreasonable thing is if you're still calling him a husband.

He needs to text his mate to tell him he didn't mean it.
Or call him a cunt to one of your mates but tell him you didn't mean it and see how he likes it.

Final nail I would say

He shouldn’t have called you it, but if you are looking on his phone I’d say there are worse things going on here.

Try calling him a prick and see how that goes down 😡

You’re right, as I said things have been very strained between us but I was actually going on there to go on his eBay as there was a spoiler he wanted for his car, I was going to order it as a surprise for his birthday. His messages hadn’t been closed down…needless to say I didn’t order the spoiler

He doesn't like you OP.

I wouldn't remain in a relationship with someone who had called me a cunt. Under any circumstances. "Banter" is the original get out of jail free when someone knows they've done something unbelievably offensive and can't row back from it. He doesn't like or respect you.

You know you have to get out of this. Only question is how you do it. Do you have children?

I’ve put up with a lot from my DH, if he were to call me a cunt that would be the last straw. Drunk or not, the level of disrespect is appalling.

Sorry but no good ever comes from snooping.
You say things aren't good between you - have you ever moaned to your friends to let off steam about him? As if so is this any different than you talking to your friends about your relationship.

Clearly though it sounds like you should move on.

Were you being a miserable cunt though?

I know we are all blaming DH, but we dont know how the OP has been acting in the relationship. Sorry OP, we don't know the other side of the story.

It’s pretty sad that you think it’s acceptable for a man to call his wife a cunt.

OP have some self respect and end this relationship- because he sure as hell doesn’t respect you.

Spoiler alert... Yes, you're right to be angry.

I agree.

@Hufflemuff It’s horrible that you not only think it’s ok to call your life partner a cunt, but that you actually let your weird thoughts win and posted it so we could see where your boundaries are (in the gutter).

Dump him and tell his friends and family that it's because he's verbally abusive towards you.

Good God the bar is low for some people. Have some self respect.

Christ 🙄

You know not everyone believes the word cunt is the devils word right?

Have you never had a moan about someone in your life and called then names?
I am sure most of us have had at some point called a partner, friend, family member something unpleasant if we have been annoyed with them. Most of us though have never been caught saying it though.

I’d never be with anyone who used that word .

His reaction would annoy me just as much in the fact he has tried justifying his actions.

If he actually liked you, he would be grovelling and begging forgiveness!

Wow I didn't know how many MNetters hate the word cunt! My family are old timer cockneys and use that word on a daily, especially as a joke "aww yah stupid cunt", my uncle literally said to his brother over a silly game the other day and they both laughed. Like pp said, it's not the devil's word, it's just a word.

I'm pretty sure if your marriage is strained you have both been sounding off to people, I know I certainly do, and I couldn't then be annoyed with OH if she was mouthing off about me with a friend. People say things when they're upset, drunk, annoyed stressed. I told my mam my OH was being a miserable cow the other day, because she was.

Have a good talk with him about why he thought you were being miserable, maybe it's a miscommunication somewhere or he's just severely unhappy, like you by the sounds of it.

@Moonnstars

Have you never had a moan about someone in your life and called then names?
I am sure most of us have had at some point called a partner, friend, family member something unpleasant if we have been annoyed with them. Most of us though have never been caught saying it though.

I use the word cunt freely towards people who I strongly dislike or who I think are morally bankrupt.

I have never used it about my partner, a member of my family or a friend. If my partner called me a cunt, either to my face or behind my back, I would leave them immediately.

I think different people have different reaction to the word cunt. I use it fairly freely, and would potentially even call someone I cared about a cunt, either to their face or behind their back, in a way that made it clear I was joking. Any long term partner of mine would know this and wouldn't (I hope) regard it as the worst criticism in the world if, for example, I text a mate and said "BF is being a total cunt about about where we go on holiday" or something. For me it's not really any stronger than saying someone is pissing me off, getting on my tits etc.

On the other hand, I know some people regard it as an absolutely last line to cross - the strongest insult that could ever be used.

OP I assume saw the context of her fella's texts, and whether he was attempting to be light-hearted. She also knows whether he uses the word lightly or not.

Either way, OP you have already said the relationship is strained. It doesn't really matter what the rest of us would feel if our BFs called us a cunt. It matters what you feel. Only you fully understand your context.