Am I right to be angry that my husband called me a cunt?

[Kindheart72]

The other day we went to a party, we had a good time although my husband drank too much, the next day I saw on his phone that he had text his friend during the party and said ‘my wife is a miserable cunt’ I was really hurt. He said it was just banter but I found it disrespectful and derogatory. He says I’m overreacting, he was drunk and didn’t mean it. Our marriage is very strained at the minute and this feels like the final nail in the coffin. AIBU?

Well some good has come off it. Op knows whats going on!

You need MN to validate your anger? Get your husband a mirror so he can see what a real cunt looks like.

Vino veritas.

Let’s be honest I think from time to time we’ve all called our partners miserable
as for using the word cunt it depends if it’s part of his normal vocabulary
as grim as it is some people use the word cunt at the drop of a hat there’s no real umph behind it it’s not been use as the ultimate insult

Would you be considering leaving him if he'd said you were being a 'miserable arsehole' or 'miserable cow' or something like that? Or is it just the word 'cunt' you have an issue with?

People have very different views about the word 'cunt'. I wouldn't have any stronger feelings about it than any other insult. I'd be hurt if my partner was messaging about me to his friends in that way, but I'd also accept that a) I wasn't meant to see the message and b) sometimes we all get irritated by our spouses and want let off steam privately about that, especially after a few drinks.

There are quite often threads on here with titles like 'AIBU to want to kill my DH for this?' and 'DH being a miserable arsehole on holiday, WWYD?' and I would probably just take your husband's message in the same spirit as that. But I'm not especially offended by the word 'cunt' in itself. If you are - which you're entitled to be, you feel how you feel - then obviously it's not something you can necessarily forgive. Especially given that your marriage is apparently struggling anyway.

For those arguing the toss about the word cunt, to me it’s the tone that matters. I use the word, my husband does, my sister is awful for it (it winds our mum up) and generally it’s fine because we don’t use it nastily to or about each other (possibly describing a stranger who’s actions deserved it is the closest to nasty). That said, my husband (who is a twat and hopefully STBXH) has called me a cunt in a really nasty way several times over the last 10 years - my self esteem was so low I couldn’t even see how awful it was, it’s only now I’m getting my anger over how he treats me and I realise that he must actually hate me, or just really enjoys hurting me with his words and gets a kick out of it.

In your situation, OP, it sounds nasty. If you had been together talking to the friend, and he’d said “god, you’re being a right miserable cunt tonight, lighten up” in a jokey way AND this is normal banter for you, that’s very different to a private text to a friend. Of course it wasn’t a joke. He’s saying that because you saw it. Don’t be me. Don’t stay with someone who thinks it’s ok to be awful to or about his wife. That said, if he’s genuinely apologetic and this is the only time, you could give him another chance. Forgive but don’t forget - any further signs of him trying to hurt you or disrespect you & it’s time to go. If you forgive every time, he’ll know he can do and say what he wants.

He says I’m overreacting, - well he would wouldn't he ..........