Straight but crushes on women

[swifty1987]

not sure what the point of this post is other than I would actually not discuss this in real life with anyone

I am happily married, sex life good, two children. Genuinely happy.

I have however noticed over the years that I have crushes on women. Women I know. They tend to be older than me but not always. Or maybe in a more senior position than me if not older. It’s odd. I wouldn’t ever act on it but I do wonder sometimes if this actually makes me bisexual

is this normal? Or just me? 😂

Thanks for everyone’s replies. It’s interesting to read. I also read about ‘limerence’ which to be honest seems to be a pattern when I think back. Some I sort of think sexually about, some I just want to be close to etc. but I can’t think why when I am genuinely happy in my marriage and all areas of life. I suppose not everything needs an explanation

OP, you might want to look up the Kinsey scale, it can be an eye opener.

I thought l was straight and discovered my bi side in my 30s. An invite from a colleague, based at the office l was visiting when working away from home for a video and a pizza turned into a lot more after she started stroking my hair. I never did see the end of that film.

l was told l gave off certain vibes which was news to me.

There have been men and women since and l tend to regard myself as “sexual”; no prefix required. From time to time, l’ll walk past a couple in the street and fancy both of them.

Could you see yourself getting sexual with one? If not then it’s probably something else.

There was a time when I couldn’t. Then it all happened quite quickly.

It's funny how people are all "WHY THE LABEL" whilst at the same time invested in what they think it's not. Which is labelling.

ItBecause we all get labelled, and maybe that label doesn't sit right, that's why

Women in M-F relationships ARE lebelled by everyone around them. Because they're assumed to be straight.

And maybe they're not.

You sound like one of the straight by default labellers tbh.

What else?

Because romantic attraction and attachment is still an orientation.

There are chaste but romantic / loving gay and straight relationships. So why can't there be bi attractions like that?

Maybe for you Romantic attraction and sexual attraction always coincide and line up and you don't really have one without the other. But other people can be very much romantically in love, and build whole lives with people, without strong sexual desire.

Same as how people can have sex with no love: if she was sleeping with women all the time just not wanting to marry them, would you still call that within the realms of straight?

If you wish to view it that way it's up to you. I stand by my original post.

Giving oral is no more compulsory in a FF sex sesh than it is in a MF sex sesh

There's plenty of straight women that don't like giving their male partners head, so they do other things. And men that don't go down on women they sleep with.

And there's gay women who also don't like giving oral, so they do other things in bed also.

I mean I don't look at every M-F couple and assume she must always be dying to give him BJs and he eats a mean puss every chance he gets...

But according to this threat, if youre not gagging to eat out then your FF attractions don't count.

We don't quantify straight, or even gay attractions and relationships that way though do we?

I realise that, but I’ve always wanted to do it with male partners.

It doesn't have to follow the same patterns in the same ways with both sexes.

As I said up thread, if sleeping with women was no different at all to me than sleeping with men, I would probably identify more as pansexual. For me, the Bi makes sense as it places them at two distinct binaries, and allows for my experiences to not have to match.

For me its not "just people". I really enjoy the difference of being with a man Vs being with a woman, rather than it being about it being the same.

I do like oral with both, but sex is a different dynamic in other ways for me depending on M or F. I am more dominant with one and more passive with the other.
Relationships are also easier for me with one Vs the other. I get more infatuated with women and it's .. not a great dynamic. I am more in control of myself and my expectations with men, so my relationships with them tend to last.

I am definitely definitely Bi. I "qualify" 🤨 according to this thread.

But my attractions and relationships aren't sames either / or.

And I'm not hitting on a random MN post but, I am happy to either top or verse, which means that I don't need women to "now do me it's my turn".

Not all straight or gay couples are sex mad

There are loving relationships that rarely if ever feature sex.

So why does Bi attraction have to qualify in that way?

@SkylarFalls

😴

That was very patronising.

Look if you're straight you're straight, nobody is chasing you down the street with sticky labels

But nobody is not any sexuality just because they don't fancy a particular sex act. That's really not how this works.

And since you're answering an OP who is detangling their feelings, it's beyond unhelpful to cite that as a sexuality threshold

I'm straight, but I have had very explicit lesbian dreams, and sometimes in my dreams I'm even a man!

This is quite odd as I have zero desire to be a man, and I've never fancied a woman. I do find other women attractive, but not in a sexual way. I have definitely admired other women, and I know my type of woman, of that makes sense.

For those thinking I may be in the closet; I used to have a lesbian best friend for years (she's dead now). We went to gay clubs all the time - if i wanted to come out or even just give it a try i could have, but I'm definitely not gay.

I still don’t think it’s really about sex ( especially for women) Otherwise virgins would be neither gay nor straight.
The labels came from the othering of the gay community. Their community is the literal amalgamation of labels ; LGBTQ+ etc etc. I guess that’s why it’s relevant.

I love the idea of having sex with a woman. I have known I'm bi since I was in my 20s and I'm 50s now, though I have never discussed it with anyone as it hasn't seemed necessary. I've never had an experience with a woman though, the opportunity has never arisen. Well, it did once and I was tempted to go along with it for the experience but I wasn't attracted to her, typical. After my divorce I was convinced I would end up having a relationship with a woman, but no, here I am in a long term hetro relationship again.

Only discovered this thread today, I have felt changes recently, I am mid 40s married to a man, but having definite feelings for women. Also wanting better sex with DH, he has never been very good at it. It is not that I want more, just better, more involved with the deed.
Interesting to read @SkylarFalls saying that an opposite sex relationship could be different to a same sex one.
An online friend is into athletic gym men but she likes me and wants to meet me but I am curvy, size 14. She sounds very experienced. I am not.
I am tempted but have not planned a meeting.