DH giving me the ick **trigger warning sexual abuse**

[Thirtysomething123]

I was sexually abused throughout my childhood so this probably clouds my view of this.
DH has always gone on and on about wanting sex. Gropes me all day long and makes suggestions. I can never just hug him. I don’t like it. I’ve said that. This last week he has been incessant. But the more he moans about it the more it puts me off. I don’t want to be hassled for it! It makes me feel disgusting.
would this bother you?

I just wanted to come back and say I do really appreciate all of your advice. I’m planning my next steps so sorry I have been silent on here.
thank you x

Good for you! That's an unbelievably brave thing for you to do. It's difficult enough to take those sort of life-changing steps even when people haven't suffered your past history.

But be assured it will be the best thing you have ever done for both you and your children. Please reach out and take every bit of support you can get.

Thank you. I think I knew deep down that it wasn’t right but it feels scary!

I feel better about this but still don’t know how this will go down. I’ve asked him to leave in the past and he just refused. Typically IRL friends are all away and I don’t want to spoil their holiday by ringing to speak about this!

Find another house and end the tenancy. Move out and take the kids. Chances are, because he's fundamentally lazy and will have no money, he won't bother fighting for shit!

Have you spoken to any domestic violence services yet?

I hope you get rid of him soon. His behaviour is appalling. He is definitely not a good man. You deserve better especially after your traumatic childhood.
I too was sexually assaulted as a child and a few times my dh used to natter for a certain sex act which I definitely didn't want. I didn't do it but every so often he would ask and try to persuade me eventually I told him it made me feel just as i had as a child, he was absolutely mortified and never asked again. No he shouldn't have nattered but once he knew how I felt he stopped as should your husband. 💐

Leave him. Any respectful decent partner would not treat you this way. You deserve better.

yes, this would bother me. Unfortunately, lots of blokes seem to be like this. It’s vile.

This post could have been written by me. A couple of years before my marriage there were some local media reports that triggered really intrusive memories and thoughts of childhood SA. My then fiancee didn't support me at all, despite it being clear that I was having a breakdown. I got counselling, but the funding for it ran out after 6 months, leaving me with a lot of unresolved trauma. Throughout it all my fiancee pestered me repeatedly for sex. I eventually got more counselling and we got married. I should have seen this lack of understanding and compassion as a huge red flag. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
After we were married he became really abusive in all sorts of ways, cumulating in him accusing me of withholding sex from him out of malice, rather than a trauma response (I was diagnosed with CPTSD), and then moving on to accusing me of "raping" him after I sent him a cartoon laying out consent guidelines.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4801626-husband-says-i-raped-him

When I really looked at him as a person after I escaped, I realised that there were a lot of clues as to who he was that I just missed. The way he was always just a bit too physical on our early dates, the reluctance to talk about big decisions with me, and the awful time he said 'make me a sandwich' with a creepy smirk on his face (this is apparently an Andrew tare thing). What the signs were pointing to was that he saw me AS HIS PROPERTY.
In his mind once I married him he was entitled to do whatever he wanted with me, and as his property I was not allowed to exist as a person with my own thoughts, rights and opinions, but simply existed as an extension of him. Most men would be horrified to think they had contributed to more trauma, but some, like my XH and your DH can see no further than their own satisfaction. Get out asap. He won't change and you deserve so much better.
Sending a hug x

This is just not nice , married 20 years , please do something , no momen should be treated like this .Plus not working is a heavy burden for you to carry so sorry

Yes it would bother me. I dumped a bloke for similar behaviour years ago. Sexual innuendos make me feel sick never mind unwanted groping. It would probably drive me to violence these days. I’m not as tolerant as I used to be