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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To struggle with teens on holiday.

86 replies

southbridgecanoe · 11/08/2025 17:26

Urgh. On a lovely holiday that we all really needed. Teen happy to go, even planned some of it.

Day 3. Hates it. Hates people, going and getting food, it’s boring, didn’t want to come, hates us for making them, nothing to do etc (all fairly untrue but stuck in negative thought process). Won’t leave the room now (fine) - but is moaning about us doing stuff without them and being bored - but won’t come and do anything either.

I'm not doing any more holidays. Always ends up like this and I’m fed up of trying lots of things (that they ask for!) and getting it thrown back in my face like we’ve forced them. Going to save the money and enjoy adult only holidays in a few years time instead.

got 11 more days to go 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
NotSmallButFunSize · 11/08/2025 17:31

Don't take it personally - offer the plans, leave teenager behind if not wanted.

Just enjoy yourself!

TokyoSushi · 11/08/2025 17:35

I once read on here with regard to teens ‘you have your holiday and let them have theirs’ - so they want to stay in the room, fine, they don’t want to come out for dinner, fine. No demands, no expectations, just let them get on with it, and you get on with whatever you want to do. Since adopting that policy our holidays have improved tremendously, I’m applying it in Tenerife just now! I find when expectations are lowered to almost nothing then the teens actually participate more than they usually would!

Original poster
southbridgecanoe · 11/08/2025 18:09

Thank you. Yes, we need to crack on really. It’s just hard with a harbinger of doom hanging around being vile to the rest of us.

OP posts:
Frugalgal · 11/08/2025 21:51

I feel your pain, it's truly horrible, this.
We had this when the teen was 14/15. So awful. He was so arsey and miserable I genuinely thought there was something wrong with him. Really thought he was suffering some kind of mental health issue, he was that bad

He made everyone miserable and all I could think about was the wasted money.

When he was 16 he had a proper girlfriend of several months and I invited her along on holiday to Wales. It was a wet and windy Wales in the middle of nowhere and they were as happy as pigs in shit! Never bored, never argued, never complained, went along with all activities happily. Walks around ruins in the damp might as well have been Disneyland 😆

Of course the fact they were allowed to share a room on a separate floor probably helped (they're still together now aged 17, before anyone snarks) but it was sooo much better. I don't think I'd have bothered to spend the money otherwise.

SweetDreamsAreMadeOfCheese87 · 11/08/2025 21:52

I think we need to put less pressure on them as well as ourselves. I struggle to relax on holiday with teens and it’s not because of their behaviour (I have 3 and a toddler) because they’re appreciative, I just put too much pressure on myself to make sure they’re having a good time and I’m not ignoring them in place of the toddler 😂🤦🏻‍♀️
But being ‘vile’ is a bit much. He/she would definitely be left in the room whilst I enjoyed some ‘me time’ for the next couple of days!
Relax, enjoy, I’m sure they’ll come round ❤️

Zeemazee · 11/08/2025 21:59

My 2 teens 17f 16m have both said they will not come on holiday with us on a Sun holiday its to hot etc. We are planning an adults only sun holiday next year, looking forward too it! They both declined last year to a caravan holiday in October, left them at home grandparent supervised had a lovely relaxed 5day break with my husband. Make the most of your holiday enjoy, your child will regret in later years the holiday they could of enjoyed x

Carucacennau7 · 11/08/2025 22:00

No advice but I feel your pain. I’m going with my teenagers on Wednesday. Not sure why I’ve booked a holiday again this year, the older they get the more they moan. Mine are old enough to stay in the room if they wish so I leave them to it and go about my day (which seems to infuriate them! 🤣) I long for solo holidays. Good luck!

chipsaway · 11/08/2025 22:02

I’ve just come out of teen phase.

some points I’ve found having received the same feedback.
pick location. We picked a hotel with a teen club but this was the worst thing we could have picked.
At another hotel we went to they had a family foam party for all guests at the hotel. There was no pressure on them to go and they loved it.

see what is in offer excursion wise. At another resort with no teen club they were eager to explore and see things. We combined one holiday with a city trip on one occasion and went to a famous football stadium.
i did used to ask what they wanted out of a holiday but to be honest they really had no idea what they wanted
boat trips are usually fun

BeanQuisine · 11/08/2025 22:03

They'll remember this in years to come when they're much nicer, and feel terribly guilty about it, and wish they could go back in time and enjoy their family's company.

But it will be too late.

InSpainTheRain · 11/08/2025 22:06

And breathe!! We've been there too. But on the other hand they have complained bitterly in the past whilst on holiday but when they come home and talk about it retrospectively they say they've enjoyed it! I think some of it is being out their comfort zone and having to do things at their own pace, but later they decide they like it. I took our 2 DS away when they were 15, nothing was right... but when I heard them talking about it later to their mates it was fine. Hopefully yours are the same. Now they are in their twenties and it's all good.

josa · 11/08/2025 22:07

I had this when my son was 14 it was the last sun bathing type of holiday I took him on. He loved Barcelona this year -19 now- as he could wander off round the city while myself & daughter sat by the pool. He loves city breaks so we have done those - even better if they are in the sun & I can sun bathe. Last holiday was Japan which was exhausting but his dream. I think they need different types of holidays as they get older. I save my sun bathing holidays for when I’m with friends or just take my daughter who is early 20’s

Stopsnowing · 11/08/2025 22:11

BeanQuisine · 11/08/2025 22:03

They'll remember this in years to come when they're much nicer, and feel terribly guilty about it, and wish they could go back in time and enjoy their family's company.

But it will be too late.

This. Currently on a holiday with a teen. Never again. Has head in book all day. Not interested in anything.

Scarlettpixie · 11/08/2025 22:16

Hopefully its just a phase. My 18 yo has always been pretty good. This year we had a couple of city breaks and its been great. He is off to uni next month but says he will keep coming with me so long as I keep paying 😀

Jamandtoastfortea · 11/08/2025 22:17

Just back from ours - me and 3 pre teens. Def diff vibe to last year due to them wanting time on the devices , but was still fun. When they wanted to be staring at screens in the cool inside after lunch, I left them to it and went down to the pool. Within 30 mins they had usually followed! On the beach I just watched or went in the waves. They quickly went it too - each doing their own thing. I found yhe key this time was to jyst let do their thing (safely and within reason) and just do my own nice thing. So - had enough of pool? That’s fine - head up to apartment and chill, I’ll stay down here. Want to stay longer in the sea? Ok, I’ll be reading my book under my parasol on the beach. Refusing to get dressed (to go out for dinner). No probs, I’ll take a nice long shower, do my hair and chill with a drink on the terrace. Just let me know when you’re ready!!… relax and expect nothing off them and it’ll be grand!! Xxx

Murphs1 · 11/08/2025 22:25

Glad it’s not just me, just back from AI waterpark holiday with my 17 and 14 year old, omg! I need a holiday to recover. They never want to do anything you want to do, or want to stay out late when you don’t every single night. Repeatedly bored and generally unappreciative! Next time we will try a villa holiday with pool and days out so people can come or not come and there will be space to be on your own for 5 minutes 😂

Kelbowl · 11/08/2025 22:25

I went with just my 16 year old daughter last week. Before we went I made it clear that it was a holiday for both of us and it was ok if we didn’t want to do everything together 24-7 as she likes a lay in and I’m an early bird. In the end it was fine- she was happier when there were other teenagers around to chat to and was a bit grumpy on the boat trip we did as there was no one else her age and I did pull her up on her attitude with that. (How could I possibly know who else was booked on??). We agreed on and booked some trips but on the quieter days I just said, I’m going to do XYZ, do you want to come and she said yes/no and I didn’t get offended either way. 9 times out of 10 she came along or I went along with what she was doing. I wouldn’t take any attitude so that needs nipping in the bud but otherwise just explain that she’s welcome to join in with anything but you’re not all going to sit around waiting for her to cheer up. If you spot any other families with teens, buddy up and hope for the best- holidays get so much easier when they find a friend to hang out with.

Jamesblonde2 · 11/08/2025 22:32

Ungrateful little sod, I’d be furious. Mine is nothing like that. I’d be going without them next time and leaving them with relatives.

JLou08 · 11/08/2025 22:36

I've had similar with my teens. You just need to let it go over your head and get on with enjoying your holiday.

WalkDontWalk · 11/08/2025 22:55

Zeemazee · 11/08/2025 21:59

My 2 teens 17f 16m have both said they will not come on holiday with us on a Sun holiday its to hot etc. We are planning an adults only sun holiday next year, looking forward too it! They both declined last year to a caravan holiday in October, left them at home grandparent supervised had a lovely relaxed 5day break with my husband. Make the most of your holiday enjoy, your child will regret in later years the holiday they could of enjoyed x

@Zeemazee

your child will regret in later years the holiday they could have enjoyed x

I mean - no, they won't. But you're right that they shouldn't be forced to go, even though you'll never get the chance to say 'I told you so'.

junebirthdaygirl · 11/08/2025 22:58

This stage passes. I remember my 16 year old stayed in apartment in ltaly watching plane crashes on TV as it was the only English speaking station. We still had to fly home!! Now he is asking me can we all go somewhere together. Can his gf come? He is the one spear heading it. Don't panic! Just enjoy your own holiday and if he does join you for dinner/ outing don't be tempted to rub it in or make comments. Just accept it and enjoy the moment..although l recognise that is difficult.

Ivy888 · 11/08/2025 23:42

I can kind of relate. We went in holidays with our terns this summer and the first few days they were moaning about what we did. We told them to Google and if there was something they wanted to do we’d look if it was possible. One of them found rafting and we booked it. They loved it.
you need to give them some autonomy, but also be clear that they’re ruining everyone’s holiday if they only moan about stuff. So they need to quit that. Get them to find something in the area they’d like and do your best to arrange it, even if it’s something you’re not keen on. Teach them everyone gets to choose something but everyone also has to allow the rest to enjoy their activities and not spoil it by complaining. They either come along on your chosen activities or they don’t but they stop complaining.

Maray1967 · 12/08/2025 00:13

southbridgecanoe · 11/08/2025 18:09

Thank you. Yes, we need to crack on really. It’s just hard with a harbinger of doom hanging around being vile to the rest of us.

What have you said to DC? Mine would have heard, ‘pack the back chat/lip/ sarcasm/moaning in right now, or I’m cancelling your phone contract.’

No way would DH and I stand for this. Many DC don’t get a holiday. I won’t tolerate ingratitude and general bad behaviour from mine - especially not on holiday.

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 12/08/2025 00:25

When you get home, cancel their phone contract and any other 'extras' that you pay out for (gym memberships, clubs etc). They can pay it themself if they are so big and smart.
Nobody has the right to treat you like dirt OP.

BeaLola · 12/08/2025 00:40

I have enjoyed mine in the sun this year but feel your pain as have been there in the past

This time DS17 had girlfriend with him in our apartment with shared pool that we only seemed to use and weirdly they joined us quite a few times for breakfast or dinner and drinks, more than I expected and it was truly lovely

Snoken · 12/08/2025 06:03

I don’t think my kids would have enjoyed 2 weeks in the same resort as teens either. At that age we used to do more combination trips where we spent 4-5 days in a city and then did a beach resort for 4-5 days. Or we did a week of sailing or a week of skiing. Even as a 47 year old I find it really boring to be in a hotel for 2 weeks straight, but it could be quite nice when the kids were much younger.