To struggle with teens on holiday.

[southbridgecanoe]

Urgh. On a lovely holiday that we all really needed. Teen happy to go, even planned some of it.

Day 3. Hates it. Hates people, going and getting food, it’s boring, didn’t want to come, hates us for making them, nothing to do etc (all fairly untrue but stuck in negative thought process). Won’t leave the room now (fine) - but is moaning about us doing stuff without them and being bored - but won’t come and do anything either.

I'm not doing any more holidays. Always ends up like this and I’m fed up of trying lots of things (that they ask for!) and getting it thrown back in my face like we’ve forced them. Going to save the money and enjoy adult only holidays in a few years time instead.

got 11 more days to go 🤦‍♀️

Absolutely agree! My young adults are a joy now and when in their teens..respectful, kind and a joy to be around. Parenting with boundaries is not easy but we did, to the amusement of many of our friends with similar aged kids…they’re not laughing now when they wonder why theirs didn’t turn out as well as mine 🤷🏻‍♀️

We took our teenagers to Florida when my elder daughter was 16. The kids chose Florida over Australia and DD1 was particularly keen.

she unfortunately stayed in her room chatting online to her mates back in the UK most days, only coming to join us once her mates had gone to bed due to the time difference. They weren’t even good mates, just people she had met online due to being in a fan club!

It was the worst money we ever spent, and actually the main reason we have never taken them on a ‘big’ holiday since. she is nearly 20 now and laments the fact we shelved a planned trip to japan, as she always wanted to go there. Totally her own making, that one!

Thanks for all the comments. 14yo and autistic which changes the landscape a little. Everything is anxiety inducing and extremely rigid and black / white. Can’t articulate feelings that he doesn’t understand so acts out / becomes aggressive instead. Last few days haven’t got any better. Refusing to engage in anything and demanding all future holidays (that were picked by him) are cancelled. We literally went through every element of this holiday (that he chose) before we came and he promised he was fine with it etc.

I get it’s shit being a teenager and even harder being an autistic one but I’m fed up of never being able to do anything. He won’t live independently for many years so no holidays for another decade or so? Urghh. He’d prefer it if we never left the house for anything ever. But that’s not normal life.

My son, 13 also autistic, was similar on our last holiday (june). It's hard when you can't leave them to do your own thing but can you just reduce all demands on him and let him lead for a bit? Im autistic myself and even as a 45 year old woman I really struggle on holiday, I didn't realise for years that it was all the change. Different routine, different people, different food, even different air if you are abroad. Then there the expectations. When you think of a holiday you think of how lush it will be, how amazing it will feel, how relaxed and all of the things it will be but then when you get there it isn't. It is but its also hot (or cold or wet), and the noises are different and you dont have your stuff and people are expecting you to do things, even if they are fun they are still things that drain you and mean you have to juggle your own sensory overload with the wants and needs of others and when you are almost ready to crawl into a hole.... well lets just say it's allot.
He shouldn't be making your life hard or disrespecting you but I also get a bit arsey and until recently it always resulted in a big argument with my husband while we were away (and him saying I ruined another holiday like I always do).
Sometimes its not about you fixing things for him, sometimes its about both of you accepting that parts of the holiday will be really hard and he will struggle but there will be glimmers in there too.. and I almost guarantee by next year he will only remember the glimmers.

Yes we didn’t do hotels with them but we do now as older couple we are only doing B&B next as a couple .. I can’t stand buffet food .. people breathing all over it .. where we go food is reasonable anyway .. our boys just got fed up .. we had our last family one when they were 15 and 18 … I miss it .. they have young age babies and toddlers now and we can’t wait to go as a big family … teens just get aggravated mostly .. with parents .. it’s a phase but it’s a thing

That's going to be my new fav description for my moaning teen - harbinger of doom!!

Been there, done that.
Took DS (15) and DD (18) to The Isle of Man. By day 3, they had got ferries home! No idea why we made them
come, to this day.

How many teens are you talking about? It sounded like one at the start and then turned into 'they' and 'them'.

That's normal for teenagerss. I only had one child, a son, and from 15 took him away with a friend for a couple of years, after that he did his own holidays with friends.

I didn't want to go away with my parents as a teenager.

Leave him or her, or them, to fend for themselves while you two go off and enjoy yourselves. As long as they have some money they'll manage, they will be fine.

I remember posting on Mumsnet a few years ago, while on a single parent holiday in Greece with my teens (I may have changed username for it!). I was in tears at the time, over how lazy they were being, etc.
People were SO kind and helpful, and advised me to just leave them to it, reminding me that it was their holiday too. So I’d go to the beach, for example, and drop them a text saying ‘hey, I’m at the beach. Join me if you like when you’re ready.’
It really helped! I also enjoyed many a solo, peaceful breakfast 😁

That sounds great to me. I expect your children enjoyed themselves too without being expected to join in and be grateful as if they were little kids.

Yes, absolutely. But my attitude at the start was definitely the one you described!