To struggle with teens on holiday.

[southbridgecanoe]

Urgh. On a lovely holiday that we all really needed. Teen happy to go, even planned some of it.

Day 3. Hates it. Hates people, going and getting food, it’s boring, didn’t want to come, hates us for making them, nothing to do etc (all fairly untrue but stuck in negative thought process). Won’t leave the room now (fine) - but is moaning about us doing stuff without them and being bored - but won’t come and do anything either.

I'm not doing any more holidays. Always ends up like this and I’m fed up of trying lots of things (that they ask for!) and getting it thrown back in my face like we’ve forced them. Going to save the money and enjoy adult only holidays in a few years time instead.

got 11 more days to go 🤦‍♀️

For those not at teen stage yet, it isn’t always like this with teens. We are just back from an amazing USA holiday with my 15 year DD. We spent the whole time as a family, gossiping, enjoying the food etc. she is one of my favourite people and loves holidaying with us.
we make sure we do things that everyone enjoys though….and thankfully I dint enjoy culture either and we all love beaching and eating!
id be heartbroken if she was as described in some of these posts.

Sounds ideal!

I think you need to set a boundary here op. Fair enough if your teen doesn’t like what is on offer and is not enjoying themselves but you need to have a word about spoiling it for everyone else!

Point out that you and your dh have worked hard to pay for this time away and it’s selfish of them to moan constantly.

I hope you are not indulging the food thing! I’d be pointing out that they are very lucky to have food provided for them and a family to eat with. I’d maybe compromise on a couple of evenings.

Also, have a word with them about adjusting their mindset overall and making the best of a situation. Get them to look up some local activities and organise a picnic or a bike ride or something they fancy doing and you will join them,

And let them know that going on a holiday they don’t like is hardly a hardship; it’s not like having to work down a mine for two weeks! They are safe, well, and fed, and holiday is the time to try out new things. Tell them that you expect them to show a bit of initiative! Try a bit of humour on them to get your point across.

Other than that, I would step back and let them find their feet and ignore the moaning and either leave them at home next year, (under supervision so you don’t come home to the aftermath of a teenage party) or rent a villa and bicycles near the beach another time so they can come and go as they want. Enjoy your holiday!

Sometimes they're happy doing some mundane things - my youngest loved watching dvds, in a lovely villa in Portugal! What were they looking forward to when they helped to plan? Ours liked adventurous stuff - climbing, ropes courses so we made sure to do those ( well husband did!). Then they would tolerate the things we wanted to do. Mainly based around them though. It's different now they're grown up, we can do what we like, eat where we like etc.....😄

Didn't take the kids on holiday with us after they turned 14. We left them with grandparents. It meant they could still see their friends and we could still have a great holiday without their constant moaning and whinging!

Yes, just come back from one of these holidays! That the teen had partly planned as well. We just left them in the hotel and went off to do our own thing. Like you I am planning holidays without them in a few year's time.

OP how old is he? Can he get a flight home on his own? I couldn’t stand 11 more days of that!

I hated holidays with my parents as a teen. Stopped going when I was 14. No regrets. Thought I didn’t like holidays but rediscovered them at 30. The thought of going on holiday with my parents now makes me shudder. It’s part of separation.

14 and 15 yr olds are hard work. Just a stage. It will pass.

God this thread has given me hope. Hopefully it’s just a phase and my pre-teen will grow out of it. He’s never happy unless he has his friends around.

Not got a teenager (yet - he’s 3mo haha) but I went on a 2 week holiday with my parents when I was 14 and I was miserable. Then ridiculous reason why I was so miserable was because I missed my boyfriend and friends hahah absolutely ridiculous looking back. My parents very kindly left me to wallow - which I appreciated at the time (I just wanted to be alone haha) and as an adult now fair play to them - why should I have ruined their holiday?! Maybe your teen is missing the social of home?

We’ve found city breaks to be a good bet (nearly 18 and nearly 15). We can do stuff then if they’re tired it doesn’t feel terrible if they resort to screens for a bit. We’ve done a few in Europe but some further afield.

I was bored to tears on holidays with my parents as a teenager (I’m being literal here; I would actually cry) who told me I had to go to whatever terrible teen club there was or not complain about the fact they refused to do anything other than lie on a sun bed for two weeks. I begged to go on the excursions offered by the tour operator and pay with my own money from my weekend job but I wasn’t allowed to do that either!

We stopped all holidays during Covid ( sd mum was just awful about the tests so easier not to bother) and they were the best years at that age. We didn’t holiday again until 2 years later as we realised they were happiest at home with friends, days out and being around us. It was nice and relaxed and we took a few long weekends and left them with grandparents.
a few years later we had a fab holiday but they were young adults and not so stroppy!

We did a nearly two week villa type holiday when our older two were 15 and 13, and in retrospect it was too long. They were not totally miserable sods but tempers started to fray after a week, DS1 inparticular begun held up in his room because he was bored and DD wanted to stay up late. If it wasnt for DS2 we probably would have just packed up.

Shorter and more adventerous types of holidays are what you need with teens.

My boys are in their 30’s now .. 😬( where did that time go, truly ?)
my motto to everyone I see about teens and holidays … mostly they don’t want to be there .. if you can leave them with a trusted responsible adult then do it .. honestly .. believe me …it’s just not worth it .. they don’t want to be there and all we do is get stressed .. not a holiday ! 👍

😂 ‘harbinger of doom’ 😂

14 was hardest for us. He couldn't cope with AI; didn't want to go in the pool; didn't really want to be there. To be fair, it was not the sort of place we'd usually like as a family either, but it was affordable in the school holidays.

Neither of my kids will talk to other kids. They don't even talk to each other. It's the bane of my life.

This year worked. I'd actually said that they could stay in the room/ do what they liked. But they ended up doing the same as us- reading by pool/ beach, swimming, going out for meals. Neither kid spoke to anyone though.

It's going to be weird when oldest dc no longer comes with us though. My velcro baby has turned into a clingy BFF when abroad.

Some do like their holidays though, mine did. It's just that the holidays need to be a bit more exciting than staying at a resort for 2 weeks eating buffet food and watching the same people lazing about the pool day in and day out. It gets repetitive and boring quite quickly.

Teenagers on holiday are easier if they take a friend with them.

Our most successful holidays are with friends. They’re happy to do things as other kids around, and in the evenings we generally all eat together and then kids in one place and adults in another. Plus they’re much better behaved with others around. It does make for an almighty blowout at some stage though as they’ve been holding everything in 😁

Also agree with PP that short city breaks are successful with teens (at least have been with mine). Much better way to spend holiday budget / do things with your kids that they want to do.

I'd express that it's fine to not like doing outings and to have a different sleep routine but that you will not tolerate teenager being vile or rude or ungrateful in your company.

Insist that while you are out and about that teen finds a shop/market and organises food for breakfast or lunch next day.
Send them on a mission.

Yes, plan your next holiday without them.

Leave them at the hotel and go and sight see and drink cocktails. And next year leave them at home

@Thaawtsom

what about what OP wants?? Or does that not matter?

Absolutely depends on what OP wants. Holiday she wants without teens, or if she wants to holiday with teens something else that works better (for all involved). If there is nothing that works for everyone, don't holiday together.