Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

This can’t be real surely…..

OP won't name the uncle as I suspect there is a strong possibility of repercussions if she does so. How many of you live with the possibility of a brick through your window or petrol poured through the letterbox? Snitches get stitches does actually happen.

OP, the 'uncle' is dodgy at the very least. You said that your son told you that the uncle would send someone for him. That implies that in the period between the disturbance and the police arriving, he had time to tell your son that he would be leaving the house, and to stay put until someone came for him. It also shows that your son has a great deal of trust in him to obey, hide and wait it out.

Even if you are unaware or turning a blind eye to the goings on of your cousin and her associates, your son has now been caught in the middle of it. What steps will you take to keep him safe?

And yes, I am assuming a lot but you havent really given an indication of how anyone can help you other than agreeing that it wasnt unreasonable to have a go at your cousin and her partner!

What can we do to help?

Why is he taking your son to random houses when he has him? Different houses?

Fair enough if his girls and your son were visiting other children and having play dates etc but why is your cousins boyfriend and your son just constantly going round to different houses?

Id of been weirded out by this a long time ago.

If you had any ounce of common sense you’d ring your cousins boyfriend and demand to know what happened yesterday.
If he refuses tell the police.

But I’m sure you won’t do anything and will just ignore it until your child gets PTSD as his brain starts processing more over his teenage years and you’ll be left with a child with trauma.

You don’t know what’s happened at all, so stop defending this man.

Who is “we”?

Unfortunately I feel there are fears of family repercussions hence the OP shutting down now the initial scare is over.
Shame. A child was put at risk here, it is not a normal, safe situation. And now it’s likely to be brushed under the carpet due to possible cultural family loyalties. Unless the OP decides to do what’s actually right for the child. But I get it, it’s very scary.

But you are teaching your son not to be a tell tale by following this rule of ‘respect’. It’s one thing not to ‘tell tale’ on your school mate for copying your homework in class…it’s an entirely different message to teach him not to tell tales on people who may be harming him, asking him to do things he doesn’t want to, taking him places he doesn’t want to.
By your own admission you say he tells you everything, yet here you are showing him to actually say nothing when it matters the most. Please break this perhaps cultural or traditional cycle you are in and show him that speaking up without fear is ALWAYS the best thing to do.

It is not random houses. And my child will not get PTSD from this, I asked him if he is okay and he is fine.

The Police will probably report the incident to safeguard, if they interview him, they'll know if he is protecting someone.

But you don't know whose house he has been to each time. Even if you say you do, you can't be sure because you presumably didn't know the people at this house or why your son was there.

I am glad you understand, I have done the worst possible thing to them, which is not speaking to them again or letting them see my child.

Just because he’s saying he’s fine does not mean he won’t get PTSD he won’t have fully processed it yet.
PTSD is usually caused by a singular episode of trauma which your child experienced fully yesterday- scared, alone, hiding from aggression.
If multiple things have happened to him you might be dealing with Complex PTSD.

Honestly you can’t say he won’t get PTSD.

Keep an eye on him and listen to him not just dismiss it because he seems fine or says he’s ok.

For your son please try to get to the bottom of all this, if you’re scared to talk to people in authority there are people out there who can protect you.
You could get a restraining order in place if they became aggressive towards you for talking etc.

You know with every new post you sound more and more dense?

What do you think the loud argument was about OP?

OK, so now I understand why I didn't understand. Don't know which culture you're from and what "internal laws" you live by. Don't tell the police if you're afraid but make sure your son gets counselling. Just because he tells you he's fine doesn't mean he's fine.

Your last updates makes me suspect your son being groomed for criminal purposes rather than SA. Good thing you won't let him see Dodgy Uncle anymore.

You don't seem to be taking in what many people are saying @iamstillfuming I'm not sure if that is due to stubbornness, fear of facing reality, or a genuine inability to understand. But the whole scenario sounds extremely dodgy. Your son has only revealed vague outlines of the situation. That's understandable, he's a child who was terrified by what he witnessed. But it's up to you as a parent to get to the bottom of what happened.

As for your refusal to tell the police the name of the man who put your son in danger? "No one likes or respects a tell tale"? That is utterly pathetic. You're not an extra in "The Godfather."

Have your family members or friends often been on the wrong side of the law?

Honestly how could he possibly be 'fine'
He was so scared that he hid in a wardrobe
He was discovered hiding by the police who brought him home
He is only ten years old

Oh, seriously. No one can be this obtuse. You can't predict the future and I'm quite certain you are not qualified to diagnose PTSD. Just because your son said he is fine doesn't mean he is. Clearly, he is following your lead in sweeping everything under the rug. I very much hope that Social Services gets involved and that your son is referred for counselling. Some parenting classes and additional support might be helpful for you and your husband as well.

What is worse, allowing someone to put your child in danger or covering up for them ?

Cultural considerations or not children come first.

Blow not letting them see your child again, you should be protecting your child and others from this person.

I'll ask again, are you in fear ?

You keep posting even though you said you will delete your account.

Forgive me if I’m wrong OP but is your child also ND or have any other difficulties?

No I’m not in fear, the only person I fear is God.

No he isn’t or does he have any other difficulties.

But you don't address the other issues.

Why are you putting protecting your cousin's boyfriend's identity above dealing with what he has done to your son?

Do you believe your God supports you in that?

Totally off subject and I don’t mean this to sound judgmental at all but he does sound like he could have ASD OP it might be worth exploring.
Has he ever been assessed for Autism?

Some of the things you have mentioned and the sensitivity to noise etc are all traits my autistic daughter has.

But she masks very well and says she’s ok too when I know she’s not until it all comes out in a shutdown/meltdown.
This is why you need to keep an eye on your son for signs of ptsd, especially if he may have some undiagnosed neurodivergence.
Hes will likely mask how he’s feeling especially if he feels he’s not listened to by yourselves.

OP, can I ask what your own childhood was like? Was it chaotic, or abusive in any way? Were the adults around you engaged in criminal activity?

Because I am so baffled by your total lack of interest in finding out what happened at that house, or what else your son has been exposed to during his weekly days with cousin’s boyfriend. I wonder if your own childhood was filled with similar episodes, so that you consider it all to be normal.

What will you do if social services contact you about this ? They likely will . Will you refuse to name who your son was with ?