Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

You beat me to it.

What was the outcome OP ?

And please answer why you have refused to tell the Police who your son was with.

Hello

He seems fine, he said that he has already told me and told me what happened again, I asked him has anything similar happened before he said no if it did he would tell me. I asked him has he ever been taken to anyones house before, he said yes and most of the time he has seen them before and I know them.

Most of the time?

To be completely honest with you, we do not do those things to one another. No one likes or respects a tell tale.

Most houses he has been to, he has been there before and we know them.

I do not think you understand, my cousins boyfriend has been in our family for years, they met due to mutual friends/family.

That is another reason why I trusted him with my child, he is not something she met of the street years ago, he has references.

So you do agree then that there is suspicious behaviour going on and you can't talk to the police because you can't tell on them?

I don’t know

Personally I'd want to find out any information I could so if something came back to bite me I'd be ready with what I'd found out. Keeping your head in the sand isn't wise when a child is involved. I get that you don't think your child was in danger but he was upset and worried enough to hide so may well need to talk it through in the future. I understand noise sensitivity as my grandson hid as well if there were arguments or disagreements. He's old enough now to know it isn't usually directed at him and accepts things better than he did. First of all though he found it really hard to deal with and your son may over think things especially if everything has changed because of what happened.
I hope things turn out as well as you want but also hope you'll consider that you might have to deal with some fallout in the future.

OP, you sound like a child. Tell tale? Really? You owe this man nothing after what’s been going on, I don’t care how long he’s been around your family, Your loyalty is to your son, and you should be helping the police get to the bottom of it all. It absolutely blows my mind how unconcerned you are, and how uninterested you are in learning what was going on at that house.

Fathers, Uncles and Grandfathers are parts of families too OP, for decades.

A predator or someone with any ill intent can be anyone, that’s why no one can ever know for sure.

This is sad that due to family loyalty you refuse to speak out for your son and actually properly talk to the police.

Ok, I can work with this.

It’s the first time you’ve wobbled OP. If you’re not sure what’s gone on but you think, deep down, it might be something to worry about, be brave. You can do it.

Your attitude here is irresponsible. Don't you think that parents of other children who have been abused, or groomed for drugs running, don't also KNOW their children? Don't you think that they thought they'd spot signs? You say KNOW that this bloke is not like that....but you didn't KNOW he'd take him to wherever into a violent noisy house and FORGET about him, and then when he realised he wouldn't go back himself but just SEND SOMEONE ELSE TO LOOK FOR YOUR SON?? You can't possibly know him, anyone, because these things DO happen and you 100% need to check rather than assume. Please please please, for the sake of your Son, on the tiny miniscule chance something has happened to NEED to ask. He might be waiting for you to ask, because to him launching that conversation himself might just seem too much for him. It's better to ask than not. Hundreds of parents before you have kicked themselves for not seeing what was under their nose. PLEASE ask him.

Definately not overreacting op id be livid and so upset how dare he put your son in that situation. No way would my son ever have anything to do with him again. For now your son is well and safe give him lots of hugs and I'm sorry you and your son where put through this.

So instead of actually giving the police the name you acting like a child.yourself! No one respects a rell tale - grow up and protect your child! Unbelievable
I hope you are reported to ss as you are neglecting the safety of your ds

OP you must realise your son has been put at risk? I can't believe you refused to tell the police about this man.

I haven't read whole thread but she says the cousins boyfriend has been in the family for years this may of taken her by surprise and she's probably unsure of her next steps however I think just don't let your son go anywhere with him again

To me, it feels like there is a strong cultural element to all this. Going against culture can be a terrifying thing, even if it's with the intention of protecting your child. You don't have to rush into anything, OP, and you've done the important thing by cutting contact with the dodgy boyfriend. But, these things can be hydra-headed, and can often pop up again and again. If this culture of silence and strange behaviour around children pops up again, think hard about what your next steps might be. It might not be your son, but it might be other children in the family.

I think it is mad that you allow this relationship at all between an unrelated male and a 10 year old boy.
Fuck that.

Well neither, it seems, are you.

Good grief OP, if you had any credibility remaining, up to this point, I think you’ve completely lost it now.

What would you be telling tales about ? All you would be doing would be telling the Police who took and left your vulnerable child to and in a house where the Police had to visit due to a disturbance and, for whatever reason, needed to check and find your vulnerable child inside a wardrobe.

Your vulnerable child was in your cousin’s boyfriend’s care and he scarpered, abandoning all responsibility for your vulnerable child.

Your response to this has been to say cousin’s boyfriend won’t take ‘care’ of your child again.

Do you really not see your responsibilities here ? They are to your vulnerable child, not your cousin’s boyfriend who abandoned him and has also told lies about sending someone to find him and suggested a gift will make everything right.

Honestly, your stance beggars belief. Who are the ‘we’ who ‘don’t do these things to each other’. If anyone abandoned a child of mine in these circumstances I would be telling the Police who they were.

Or do you fear repercussions ?

Which means he's had years to gain your trust. Oh I see, you thought only someone you've only known a little while could manipulate people to gain their trust enough to get access to their kids? Some people spend years doing it. Have you never wondered why he isn't taking his three girls round all these houses?

References from who and for what ?

They can’t have been for taking care of and responsibility for their girlfriend’s cousin’s child.

I'm not convinced your son was being groomed for anything OP, but he was definitely mixed up in a very worrying situation. Sounds like he's used to being around people who are perhaps not the most law abiding.

Wake up OP, kids absorb stuff.

Can you explain how he forgot he left your son at the house? Was he stoned or drunk? I mean that’s a pretty big gaff really, forgetting you had a kid with you. And then all your cousin is bothered about making sure he didn’t say anything? You couldn’t make it up.