To feel inconvenienced by a tragic accident?

[OnemargarIta]

I'm currently in Italy (staying in Rome) for three nights. It's my first foreign break in a warm country and I've been so excited and saved up especially.

We booked an excursion for today consisting of a trip to Sorrento where we'd spend time exploring, visiting shops and enjoying local food - and then on to Pompeii on the route back.

We've spent the whole morning/day so far stuck in traffic on the motor way. We are so behind schedule we can now no longer go to Sorrento first because Pompeii closes at 5.30 and there won't be time. A sit down restaurant meal will now be replaced by a takeaway which will be eaten on the coach.

We've just been told the cause of the traffic jam and it's because somebody has died in a collision on the motorway.

Instead of feeling saddened about the loss of life I just feel inconvenienced and pissed off that the highlight of my trip has been ruined.

Does this make me a shitty person? It just occurred that it might 😳

How do you get through the day ?

It's not like you are having to interact with it. Like if you were asked should emergency services investigate the accident, or move quickly so you could proceed meaning that the dead person's family never got to know why the died, and you chose the second you'd be utter scum, but nothing you think will help or hinder the person or those that loved them.

Honestly, you're not unreasonable for feeling a bit disappointed about your trip. That's a normal, natural emotion when things don't go the way you hoped they would.

However, this is where you need to take a step back and get some perspective. You've missed out on some of your trip-someone else has died and their loved ones will be receiving the news that they won't be coming home ever again.

It's not about grieving for every person that dies or even feeling sad about it-most people don't/won't feel much when someone they don't know dies-but you shouldn't be broadcasting the fact that you're more bothered about a trip that you can, one day, take again than about someone else losing their life.

It's not about grieving for that person-but about acknowledging that there are worse things that can happen to a person, i.e., dying, than having your trip ruined because someone else died. Oh, no, did they decide to die on the day you decided to go on your trip? How dare they. Don't they know who you are?

Feel disappointed about your trip-but JFC, get some damn perspective.

I've never lost anyone in a tragic accident myself but I wonder does it really help the loved ones to know that total strangers who they don't know and will never interact with are feeling more sad than inconvenienced? I don't see how it would make any difference.

She’s not, just annoyed her holiday didn’t go to plan.

No, not unless you take action on those thoughts.

It is annoying to have your holiday, which you've paid for, disrupted by someone you don't know dying, but yeah obviously someone dying and all the chaos around it is justified and way more important than your feelings in this situation.
There are going to be people experiencing way worse than "annoying" because a relative has died so you have to shut up and tolerate it, but yeah it is annoying.

As long as your annoyed in private, it's fine. I wouldn't waste your time judging yourself over how you feel.

If on the other hand, it was your friend who died and you felt annoyed that your holiday was disrupted I would judge you yes, but the reality is that most humans are not emotionally attached to complete strangers, this is normal.

I think you need to get over yourself

Im going to italy again this week for 3 nights 4 days. 2 in garda and 1 night in Venice. Use the trains.

I think it is possible to feel both inconvenienced and sad for the individual at the same time. As a commuter into London for many years, there were so many times I got stuck where someone had jumped in front of a train. It is horrible to think of them and the driver, but equally can take hours to get home.

Yes. This.

personally, I thinks it's quite concerning not to feel ANY sadness or any gratitude it was you or a loved one in the accident and ONLY to feel pissed off about how it has affected you.

the tour company is clearly ONLY interested in £££ though & they sold you a lemon. That was never going to be a good day anytime of year, let alone August. If you have anything else booked with them I'd cancel. I know you are sad to have missed Sorrento. But honestly it's very much a tourist driven place & you haven't missed much. If you have anything else booked time left, explore the local villages, a much better experience.

Firstly, you give thanks that it wasn't you who was in the accident, as things like this can happen to any of us in an instant.

It's okay to be disappointed that you didn't get to do everything you had planned, then again, three nights in Rome was never going to be enough.

Then, you resolve to save even harder, so you can come back, preferably for two weeks next time.

Finally, you also spare a thought for the family of the person killed. You've been mildly inconvenienced, but they're the ones really suffering.

It wasn't even my train that got cancelled because someone was "hit by a train" but I heard that announcement so frequently I got completely desensitized to it.

You could have just thought it, why did you need to post it?

shrugs If you're a shitty person, I guess I am, too. I'd probably think, 'Oh no, that poor person and their family', but it would just be a fleeting realisation of the fragility of life. I wouldn't really feel sad about it - I don't know the person. And yes, I'd feel selfishly annoyed that my plans had to be changed.

On the other hand, if I saw the accident first-hand, I'm sure I'd feel much more affected by it. I think all of this is pretty normal?

Maybe because the poster was being goady?
No idea why MY replies were deleted.
Yes, this has provoked a strong reaction in me, I actually think the OP was wrong for even starting this thread in the first place.
It's not just about the fact it has happened to me and others reading this, its the complete lack of empathy for the family of whoever has been killed.
This thread has actually brought back some very painful memories and feelings for me, the fact that some people are even posting laughing emojis is making me even angrier.

What that someone is whingeing, it’s pretty bad to do it on a public forum as well, they’ve been inconvenienced over their family members death.
Yes, l think that would be upsetting for the family to hear this🙄

It’s a pretty shitty thing to post about

That wasn't me, btw. I don't mind being called an idiot by a random poster but I do object to those with itchy reporting fingers screwing up the flow of conversation.

I've said YABU, because this is one of those things where we think it, but don't say it out loud!

Last year I went to the Silverstone Grand Prix. My train was delayed because someone had been hit on the tracks from Plymouth. My only option was to get up to Exeter. I ended up being massively delayed by 7 hours, I didn't get to my Airbnb until gone 10pm. I was due there at 3. I was gutted (and really anxious!), but I didn't say this out loud to anyone. I just had a cry in the toilet on the train when I was underway. Everyone thinks these things, I don't think it makes people shitty (I also don't believe anyone who says they don't!), but I think actually sitting, typing it out and not realising how it sounds makes you unreasonable.

I'd agree that it would be bad to name the person when posting about it or something. I don't see the big deal about doing it in general.

Yes, it did/does/would have...

to know the death of your loved one / how that impacted you was given more thought/sone thought is/was thought about by others did/does bring some comfort.

im surprised you can't imagine that.

Yes, it did/does/would have...

to know the death of your loved one / how that impacted you was given more thought/sone thought is/was thought about by others did/does bring some comfort.

im surprised you can't imagine that.

I just don't feel that way. I know that the assigned hospital staff would have been aware of the passing of a beloved relative of mine but whether they grieved as much as I did or barely gave it a passing thought makes no difference. I don't know them, I'll never meet them, it's completely irrelevant to me.

Because that's the subject-matter of the OP's post? If you don't like the topic, scroll on.