AIBU to ask relative to use our actual surname?

[HaagenYAAS]

Husband and I have been married 13 years, one small child.
When we married we decided that we would merge our surnames rather than me take his surname or me keep my own. I know it’s a bit unusual but if felt right for us - a new surname with equal parts taken from each side.
A similar example (not our real name) is that my surname was Mancell and his was Harrison, and we became Manson. It is all legal and done by deed poll, and all our documents etc are all in that name and have been since about a month after the wedding
We told everyone after the wedding and received no negative feedback.
Everyone started sending correspondence to Mrs and Mrs Manson, and then when our daughter was born Miss Manson too. Live continued as normal.
My husband has one relative (his aunt) who only ever sends Christmas cards (and we haven’t seen her since the wedding as she lives abroad and is fairly estranged) but she never uses our actual surname - always Mr and Mrs Harrison (his name).
The cards from her are basic (no chat just to X from Y) but lovely, and we appreciate them. Over the years I have sent personalised Christmas cards that say things like “from The Mansons” on the front etc. and have written “from Bob, Mary, and Rosie Manson” in many cards now, but they keep coming addressed to Harrison.
Is it too late to say anything now?! Or should I include a note (we are moving house was was going to send a “new address” card) asking her to use Manson?
E.g “Please note our surname is Manson” or “we aren’t Harrison, we are Manson” or “For future correspondence please use Manson” ?!
Or will I have to be Harrison to her forever now.
I’m not annoyed per se, but it’s not our name, and I don’t understand why she hasn’t taken the hint from cards before? Maybe she does think the name merge is stupid and she doesn’t agree, but is it worth saying anything or shall I let it go mentally?
We are unlikely to see her in person again excepting family weddings or funerals.

Edit - to add my husband has profound disabilities so it will be be communicating anything to her!

Thanks in advance!
from Mrs Manson!!

How old is this aunt? If she's really getting up there, I'd just leave it for a peaceful life

I love the combination of names idea 🥰

So we are talking birthday and Christmas cards

Really… who cares 🤷‍♀️

how old are they?

I’d leave her be. Who cares? It’s just a name not used by one person. I wouldn’t be quite so precious over it.

I wouldn't say anything.

Oh I’d let it go op. It’s annoying, but really, is it worth making a bit deal of?

If it's just cards at Christmas, and no cheques enclosed for DC, then it really doesn't matter.

In my mind, I am picturing that you are on a dog eared list that she gets out in November to cross off who died that year and count how many cards she needs.

Whatever you put in the card probably doesn't actually register with her that she needs to change the list.

If she is the only one, and you have tried and failed, then just accept it.

If it's literally just on the annual Christmas card I would ignore it. It doesn't sound like she's much of a figure in your life so not worth the energy of raising it.

Thanks everyone- she’s early 60s, still working, fit and well as far as I know!

I know three couples who have merged names, all for lovely reasons.

If it’s a card a couple of times a year I would let it goand just roll your eyes. You’ve done everything you can do at this point.

If you were seeing her in person at all I’d give different advice.

She is well aware what your surname is.

This is her way of throwing a tantrum because she disapproves of your choice.

I would respond with an equal level of pettiness and mark “Return to Sender, addressee unknown” on her cards and return them to her.

Same age as me - so you are probably on a dog-eared list. I have one and forgot to remove someone's husband when they split up.... two years in a row 🤯

It baffles me that you’ve actually got the time or the energy to actually write a post about this. Its a drop in the ocean. I wouldn’t give it a second thought

I have an aunt by marriage who still sends Christmas cards to me as Mrs. Ex husband’s surname and we’re divorced 10 years! Also I never used by married surname!

Sounds like she’s not elderly. I had one, now 90-something relative, would have been in 70s when we got married, insist on writing to me as Mrs HisFirstName OurSurname which I find really annoying. But she’d been brought up to think this was the correct thing to do. I didn’t bother telling her, it was a handful of cards/letters a year, so not worth the hassle.

I think some people work off an old list for cards, so changes don’t get through. I have one Christmas card friend who still sends cards addressed to my maiden name. Turns out she couldn’t remember which was maiden, which married name. That one only got sorted when we used mail redirection after moving house and anything not in our married names was presumably returned to sender by the new house owner!
It’s not really worth the hassle of doing anything about it.

Doesn’t matter if she’s elderly or not

It’s birthday. Once a year Bin the envelope and don’t give it a nano second further thought

She lives abroad and “fairly estranged”

So no relationship really at all (how come estranged)

did she even come to the wedding?

OP, not something to give a flying fig about

@HaagenYAAS You don’t even know if she’s fit and well? So you have no meaningful contact with her? Did she come to your wedding? I have to say I’d probably just let it be. You don’t actually know her or care about her it seems.

lives abroad
“fairly estranged”
once a year card at birthdays

Why do people who've not seen each other for 13 years till bother with cards? Especially if it's just To xxx, Happy Christmas, From xxx....no message.

With the state and cost of the postal system Christmas cards are surely going to become a thing of the past very soon.

Leave it, doesn’t matter.

i didn’t take my husbands surname and everyone knows. But some old sticklers always always address things to us as mr and mrs husbands name. I roll my eyes and move on.

Quite bizarrely this one card a year from someone who lives abroad, who is “fairly estranged” and with whom the OP and her family appears to have squat all relationship with… does matter to the Op.

Why? Is the question!

She is fairly estranged, this is not something to care about, it’s probably not passive aggressive she just has very little contact with you so just probably doesn’t remember when the time rolls around for cards, just move on no point getting into it.

One of our old neighbours always spelled my name with an S when it’s a C. She’s long dead now but refused to be corrected and as it was only on birthday/Christmas cards it really didn’t matter. In fact, even 30-odd years since I last had one, I kind of miss seeing my name with an S on birthdays and Christmas!

I’d just leave her to it. I didn’t take my DH’s name when we married and our kids (born before we married) have my surname. A couple of older relatives still send cards to Mr & Mrs DH surname and one used to send cheques to the kids with DH surname. I sent the cheques back with a thank you note and said that they couldn’t deposit them as the name is wrong, she now sends them in the correct name. If it’s just cards then I’d leave her to it.

You will have more than enough to worry about in your life without adding this trivia to the mix. Let it go.