AIBU to ask relative to use our actual surname?

[HaagenYAAS]

Husband and I have been married 13 years, one small child.
When we married we decided that we would merge our surnames rather than me take his surname or me keep my own. I know it’s a bit unusual but if felt right for us - a new surname with equal parts taken from each side.
A similar example (not our real name) is that my surname was Mancell and his was Harrison, and we became Manson. It is all legal and done by deed poll, and all our documents etc are all in that name and have been since about a month after the wedding
We told everyone after the wedding and received no negative feedback.
Everyone started sending correspondence to Mrs and Mrs Manson, and then when our daughter was born Miss Manson too. Live continued as normal.
My husband has one relative (his aunt) who only ever sends Christmas cards (and we haven’t seen her since the wedding as she lives abroad and is fairly estranged) but she never uses our actual surname - always Mr and Mrs Harrison (his name).
The cards from her are basic (no chat just to X from Y) but lovely, and we appreciate them. Over the years I have sent personalised Christmas cards that say things like “from The Mansons” on the front etc. and have written “from Bob, Mary, and Rosie Manson” in many cards now, but they keep coming addressed to Harrison.
Is it too late to say anything now?! Or should I include a note (we are moving house was was going to send a “new address” card) asking her to use Manson?
E.g “Please note our surname is Manson” or “we aren’t Harrison, we are Manson” or “For future correspondence please use Manson” ?!
Or will I have to be Harrison to her forever now.
I’m not annoyed per se, but it’s not our name, and I don’t understand why she hasn’t taken the hint from cards before? Maybe she does think the name merge is stupid and she doesn’t agree, but is it worth saying anything or shall I let it go mentally?
We are unlikely to see her in person again excepting family weddings or funerals.

Edit - to add my husband has profound disabilities so it will be be communicating anything to her!

Thanks in advance!
from Mrs Manson!!

This is exactly what I said and what I would likely do. I bundle up post to my house but not addressed to me and return to sender in batches.

Who sends you all this post incorrectly delivered to you?

This is pretty trivial, I wouldn't care less, if this is all you have to worry about in life I would be happy...

In the scale of things it really doesn't matter, a card sent once a year.. Life is too short to worry about other people and their intentions.

you can call me whatever you want, I might not reply, but couldn't careless...

Or maybe she just thinks it’s pretentious? your suggestion is pathetic BTW.

And is it meaningful and touching for you to recieve a greetings card from someone who doesn't give you a nanosecond's thought and has no interest in you, telling you clearly that that they don't give a shit about who you are on a special day of celebration? If they care that little, surely it's best for them to save their stamp and not actually send a message to tell you how little they care about you.

Similar here. MIL doesn’t like the fact that we double barrelled on marriage. Hasn’t said anything but does address anything to DH as his old surname. Don’t think she’s ever sent anything directly to me so wouldn’t know what she’d put.

We have been married more than 25 years and she clearly knows our proper name. Just one of her little ways to dig sadly.

Yeah sure, save the stamp

but some folk have it ingrained in them that they MUST send Christmas cards to their great aunt 4 x removed because they always have done 🤷‍♀️

She provably doesn’t even put a face to the name as she scribbles it, that is how meaningless it is to her likely. It is a job to be done

She won’t stop until she loses capacity!

There is nothing “meaningful” or “touching”. About anything in this OP

Aside from fact it’s August and the Op is thinking about an envelope written by a long distant relative. So there probably is a thread dying to get out… but it’s not about this rellie. It’s more about the OP’s life and what’s going on to make herself focus on this

I'd not be bothered. She barely knows you. And if she's very elderly it would just be the default to assume your Mrs his name.

My mum's nephew (my cousin), in his early 60s, still uses her maiden surname (his name) for her, even though she's been married all his life and uses my (now deceased) dads name. He also spelt my first name wrong but that's a whole other story...

1. Why is it anymore pretentious than the family using her husbands name?
2. Why is using somebody’s legal name “pretentious”?
3. How is returning post to sender more “pathetic” than somebody refusing to address somebody by their correct name.

It’s quite weird but sometimes homes have previous occupants.

Wild I know.

And even weirder sometimes the postie makes mistakes.

If I was OP I would simply return to sender as address unknown which takes two seconds and I add it to other post where I have to do likewise.

You write your surname on a card?
I just write from Janet and John. If I don't know you well enough that I have to use my surname then I don't know you well enough to send you a card.

You sound a bit… tense

Must be a lot of misdirected post for you to be bundling up in “batches” to send on!!

Oh mistake on my part

no pronoun nonsense from me

If you bothered to read my other posts, I repeatedly say “she”

I get cards addressed in the very old fashioned way, to Mrs (husband's first name initial) & husband's surname. Even though I have my own surname and my first name is not the same initial as his first name.

These are people in their 40s/50s (very close relatives who absolutely do know my name and that I have kept my own surname.

Each time I just laugh, shrug and put the envelope into the recycling bin. It's annoying and so outdated isn't it but I just ignore.

Is this junk mail? Bills?

We had LOADS! Unpaid debts in a house occupied by students.

DH has one relative who does this. Made a fuss about DCs having my name, and pointedly addresses letters to DC (DH's surname). She's generally petty and difficult though so I just ignore it and send the return from DC (their actual surname)!

I'd remind her.
I don't buy all this "that's how she was taught, growing up."
I was taught a lot of things growing up that have subsequently changed.
Also, those of you with address books - ffs update them!

A friend of mine got married recently. She and her spouse took an entirely different surname to the ones they had because neither of them wanted to retain their 'family name'. My friend's 96 year old grandmother has grasped the concept perfectly well.

@JHound Pretentious to combine names and make a new one? Totally! It’s the latest gimmick. I’d just send a card to Janet and John if I was the aunt. I get women keeping their dad’s names - after all they love their dads, but we’ve moved into names as some sort of faux label now. It’s not meaningful or modern - it’s a bit pathetic.

@HaagenYAAS - I’m willing to bet that your dh’s aunt has absolutely no problem remembering what name to use when a female friend or relative marries and takes her husband’s surname - so she should have no problem remembering her nephew has changed his surname. Is it possible she is doing it on purpose, to make a point?

Tense? Er ok.

Yep I do have a lot of the old occupant’s post as he does not appear to have figured out how to use a redirect service.