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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you are one of 3 adult siblings, would you be upset by this?

83 replies

FirstdatesFred · 09/08/2025 18:52

I’m all hormonal and genuinely can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable or not.

if you are one of 3 siblings would you be upset in this scenario?

you’re sibling 1 and live in the same village as sibling 2. Your parents live about 5 mins away too. Sibling 3 lives about half an hour away and is very busy so no one sees them that much.

today I found out that sibling 2 and 3 and their families went for a walk together then back for a cuppa to sibling 2’s house, your mum was also there. No one invited you and you/your kids were not included. My mum sort of told me by accident otherwise I wouldn’t have been any the wiser. Sibling 3 doesn’t come over this way often.

I would have loved to see them and haven’t seen sibling 3 for ages as they’re super busy.

I got upset on the phone with my mum she said ‘come over’ but I said I won’t as I wasn’t invited. I thought siblings might message but they haven’t. Am feeling sad and left out no one thought to include me and sibling 3 came to my village and didn’t want to say hi.

would other people be upset too or is it just me? I’ve definitely had a disproportionately emotional response due to hormones.

OP posts:
MadisonMarieParksValetta · 09/08/2025 18:53

Yes I'd be very upset by this. That is really shitty of all of them.

Whichone2024 · 09/08/2025 18:54

I’d be upset

EmpressaurusKitty · 09/08/2025 18:54

I’d be upset too.

MountainBiker · 09/08/2025 18:55

I'd be upset too

OhHellolittleone · 09/08/2025 18:57

I’d be upset but I am quite sensitive. What was the dynamic? Who invited who? Was the cuppa impromptu? Are they usually good at inviting and just forgot? Any reason to think you were busy? Would the house have been too full? Are you kids the same ages?

Mumnewname · 09/08/2025 18:57

Yanbu, that's not OK really.

My dh is one of three and they'd never do this to each other.

Did your mum try to explain/justify it?

PollyHutchen · 09/08/2025 19:01

Well, it might depend on ages of children, sizes of people's houses, other things people might have to do on the day in question.

I think not being willing to go over makes it worse somehow. A more easygoing approach would be to message sibling 3 and say, well let's make sure we get together next time you're about.

Life does get a bit complicated if there is this sense of all members of a family having to do everything together all the time.

Lemonadeat8 · 09/08/2025 19:06

I wouldn’t be fazed. My siblings do some things then other times I do.

Lemonadeat8 · 09/08/2025 19:07

You’re also acting like sibling 3 lives on mars and it’s a special occasion they grace anyone with their presense. It’s 30 min.

StonwEd · 09/08/2025 19:09

Yeah wouldn't bother me, I'm one of 3 in similar situation with distance.

My dad and sister see each other all the time like multiple times in a week. I see them about once a month and we see our brother less. We've all got lives n stuff but are at the end of the phone when needed.
I'm sure it wasn't intentional to upset you x

Spirallingdownwards · 09/08/2025 19:10

I would have no issue with this. 30 minutes away is nothing. You can see that sibling anytime if you wanted to

ShoeeMcfee · 09/08/2025 19:11

I would be upset, yes.

BIWI · 09/08/2025 19:14

Why are you blaming hormones though?

LittlleMy · 09/08/2025 19:33

YANBU. Yes I’d be hurt, especially if one of the siblings appears to rarely be available because they’re so busy. Also even if it was a random impromptu thing they all ended up in your village yet none of them still thought to invite you.

Leeds2 · 09/08/2025 19:36

What's the age difference between you all and, perhaps more importantly, your DC?

Octavia64 · 09/08/2025 19:36

How sure are you all this was planned and (for example) not just sibling 3 visiting your mum and when they all go to the park sibling 2 is there?

we’ve been on the other side of this being sibling 3 and whenever we went to visit the mum and dad they invited sibling 1 and 2 and both families around and honestly it was just too many people all the time and we felt we never had a chance to build relationships separately either with parents or siblings.

Original poster
FirstdatesFred · 09/08/2025 19:41

Thanks everyone, it was pre planned although originally sibling 2 was going to go to sibling 3's house so a fairly last minute change of plan that they came to the place I live. They do both have dogs and I don't so maybe it started off as a dog walk thing.

Our kids are same ish ages, 2 of mine can be tricky, but generally I don't think they'd be excluded because of that although of course it crossed my mind.

I reflected that I should be better at instigating contact with sibling 3.

I was sitting here feeling all churned up and surprised that after they knew I was upset neither of them messaged about it.

I've reached out to sibling 3 now and said I was sad not to see them and asked if we could get a date in the diary. She apologised and acknowledged it was thoughtless, said it was not intentional just lack of thought, and we're all good now I think. We've made a plan to meet soon.

It's helped to know that I wouldn't be the only one upset by this so thank you.

OP posts:
IMissSparkling · 09/08/2025 19:41

I am one of 3, I wouldn't care at all. It's not a special occasion, you don't have to all get together at once every time. Sometimes it's just whoever's around.
One of my sisters and I live in the same place, our parents are a couple of hours away. Sometimes my parents see us both when they visit, sometimes just one or the other.

Original poster
FirstdatesFred · 09/08/2025 19:43

BIWI · 09/08/2025 19:14

Why are you blaming hormones though?

I think I'm blaming hormones or not quite trusting my judgement as I am feeling generally off kilter today (PMT and ?peri) and lost control of my emotions when I found out on the phone to my mum, and got very tearful about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
FirstdatesFred · 09/08/2025 19:45

@IMissSparkling I do agree, I know that on the one hand we are allowed to meet up 1:1 and it doesn't always have to be the 3 of us.

But I was around, trying to fill the weekend with my dc as a divorced single parent. Was just at home not doing much while they were getting together which stung a little.

OP posts:
mcmooberry · 09/08/2025 19:45

Glad it's been sorted but I will add that I would be upset for myself but even more for my children who would love to have an extended family day.

EatingHealthy · 09/08/2025 19:46

I'm one of three and it wouldn't bother me. I think it's healthy for siblings to be able to have their own relationships as adults with each other rather than always have to include everyone which can make it difficult to actually have meaningful relationships.

The key question is how much effort do you put into maintaining the relationships? Presumably you see sibling two regularly, is that an equal relationship where you both make the effort to make plans and maintain the relationship or do you rely on sibling two to put in the work? Do you contact sibling three and invite them to visit you and try to make plans with them? If you do and they always blow you off but have made plans with sibling two I understand you being hurt. If you don't make the effort then it's time for you to realise that as an adult you can't just rely on your siblings to always do all the work for you and you have to start taking responsibility for your own relationships with them.

Biskieboo · 09/08/2025 19:48

I wouldn't be bothered. I'm one of five siblings and we all accepted a long time ago that there really is no need to all get together just because we're in the same general vicinity. My in-laws are very different- they do seem to think that if any two of them are meeting up then any relative within 50 miles must also be there too, and it's often a total PITA tbh.

Plus - 30 minutes away? That's bugger all, my commute's longer than that which isn't at all unusual.

tinyspiny · 09/08/2025 20:29

Wouldn’t bother me , I’m one of 3 we get all together or just in pairs to do things and I don’t always get told when they are seeing each other .

mambojambodothetango · 09/08/2025 20:38

I'm one of three and whilst I get a stab of jealousy when I see the others have met up without me, I just accept that there are different breakout sections of family that do things together. It's suffocating to do everything with everyone every time and quite refreshing to only have one other branch of family to talk to on occasion.