Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you are one of 3 adult siblings, would you be upset by this?

83 replies

FirstdatesFred · 09/08/2025 18:52

I’m all hormonal and genuinely can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable or not.

if you are one of 3 siblings would you be upset in this scenario?

you’re sibling 1 and live in the same village as sibling 2. Your parents live about 5 mins away too. Sibling 3 lives about half an hour away and is very busy so no one sees them that much.

today I found out that sibling 2 and 3 and their families went for a walk together then back for a cuppa to sibling 2’s house, your mum was also there. No one invited you and you/your kids were not included. My mum sort of told me by accident otherwise I wouldn’t have been any the wiser. Sibling 3 doesn’t come over this way often.

I would have loved to see them and haven’t seen sibling 3 for ages as they’re super busy.

I got upset on the phone with my mum she said ‘come over’ but I said I won’t as I wasn’t invited. I thought siblings might message but they haven’t. Am feeling sad and left out no one thought to include me and sibling 3 came to my village and didn’t want to say hi.

would other people be upset too or is it just me? I’ve definitely had a disproportionately emotional response due to hormones.

OP posts:
Myfansbroken · 09/08/2025 20:51

I'm one of three. I think someone always feels left out.

OliviaBonas · 09/08/2025 21:03

Feeling left out is horrible. People have no idea how much unless it happens to them.

MargaretThursday · 09/08/2025 21:11

As sibling 3 (although we're taking 4-6 hours away) actually sometimes you want to just meet up with some. Meeting with all can mean that the quieter ones get left out, and you don't feel you've caught up with everyone.
We normally stay with my parents who live about half an hour away from siblings.

I have one sibling that has made a fuss about when I've been up there because the other one has invited us round and it's annoying. If they'd said would we like to go round there, say in the evening for dinner, or even another day that would be fine, but I do wish they wouldn't insist on always joining in if we meet with the other one.

And they do a certain amount of meet-ups them and dm because of the position. Yes, I feel a twinge of envy that they can do this, and most often it's me left out (for obvious reasons) so I feel making a fuss if we meet up with one sibling is not fair.

KarmenPQZ · 09/08/2025 21:16

It sounds a bit impromptu rather than an organised family gathering that you weren’t invited to. Then you were invited by your mum but you said no. Were you waiting for a written invitation? Just go. Just organise a catch up yourself. I don’t think every event should include everyone everytime You can decided to be upset by this or you can assume positive intent. Don’t be a negative Nelly.

Aimtodobetter · 09/08/2025 21:21

I'm shocked every one says they would be upset - I would think it was fine. It's not a special event you were excluded from - they just got together randomly. They are allowed to have their own relationships.

Steph7181 · 09/08/2025 21:37

I’m 1 of 3 and wouldn’t care in the slightest. It wouldn’t register as any sort of issue whatsoever in my mind. I genuinely couldn’t care less.

youalright · 09/08/2025 21:44

Im one of 3 mountain out of a molehill we often do things as 2s and dont think twice about it its not like a party or a wedding it was a random dog walk. If you want to spend more time with your family you have to make the effort to and not sit around waiting to be invited to stuff

Cara707 · 09/08/2025 21:46

I'm one of 3 (2 brothers) and this would really upset me. I'd hate that my Mum hadn't cared enough to ring and/or didn't want all her kids there. I'd also read into it that my other siblings were closer to each other. I think you're justified in feeling hurt.

youalright · 09/08/2025 21:48

OliviaBonas · 09/08/2025 21:03

Feeling left out is horrible. People have no idea how much unless it happens to them.

What do you mean people have no idea everyone gets left out of things at times its normal why you making out its a big traumatic experience. 3 year olds left out of games handle it better then that

EasternSkies · 09/08/2025 21:49

As a newly divorced single parent I can see that this will have left you feeling extra alone.

But things do just fall into place rather than being a formal invitation, and it’s a shame you didn’t go over when your Mum asked you.

AvidJadeShaker · 09/08/2025 21:49

This wouldn’t bother me, 2 can see 3 without 1 and so on. If 1 wants to see 3 they can arrange it.

youalright · 09/08/2025 21:52

You're all acting batshit upset about what her brother lives half hour away not Australia where he hasnt been home for 10 years and didn't bother to tell her. They took the dogs for a walk. Op if your parents or one of your siblings drops in for a cuppa do you ring around the rest of the family to come round so they dont feel left out.

Wheelz46 · 09/08/2025 22:02

I would be okay with this.

My siblings and I have often met up in pairs and not as a trio. For example, I may go on a dog walk with 1 sibling but not the other as they don't have a dog.

I then may go to a kids activity with the other sibling because our kids are similar ages, whereas my dog walking siblings children are older and would be horrified 😆

Then my siblings may meet up together to go to a football match and I couldn't think of anything worse 🤣

Fragmentedbrain · 09/08/2025 22:04

You are being touchy and irrational as hell.

Lidlisthebusiness · 09/08/2025 22:05

@FirstdatesFred I live 6 hours away from my 2 siblings, and found out one of them had come to my town to visit my parents but hadn't come to see me and my family, including our newborn. My parents live about 9 minutes away. I was upset too, though now I've reconciled it in my mind and have just decided to live my life without any thought about them as we obviously aren't much to them.

JLou08 · 09/08/2025 22:15

I wouldn't be upset but that kind of thing is really normal in my family. It's very rare I'm with both my siblings at the same time but there have been lots of times I've been with one of them and one of my parents.

BoarBrush · 09/08/2025 22:16

Completely a non thing. I'm one of 3 between two brothers. I am much closer to db2. Db1 lives in London whereas we live in fife/borders in Scotland , I saw Db1 family in may when I was down for a gig, not seen them since their wedding in 2018. Db2 only in home town now, (see him every 3 months or so) he's seen db twice in that time when db has been up in Scotland at his holiday home and visited parents on the way to/from, times I've not afforded trips (day before our school returned, a trip to Edinburgh zoo 🤣)

All that to bloody say that me and db2 are thick as thieves, even with the distance. I'd fucking kill you if you hurt my db2, who I don't have an instant emotional feeling for.

FlockofSquirrels · 09/08/2025 22:24

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. My siblings and I all see each other and our parents in various combinations and frequencies. We’re all adults and each have our own adult lives, it’s just not the same as being a nuclear family with multiple non-adult children.

It wasn’t a special occasion/holiday, which would change my answer.

ColdTofuSandwich · 09/08/2025 22:27

I’m one of three. Two of us wouldn’t bother, one of us would be really upset!

be nice to yourself, you’re having a tough time

SchoolDilemma17 · 09/08/2025 22:28

Your reaction is completely OTT, it’s not like they excluded you from Christmas or a big family holiday. Do you always call sibling 3 when you spend time w sibling 2?

fortygin · 10/08/2025 10:49

Yes I would and have been. Just made a thread about similar last week. Be kind to yourself and prioritise yourself x

BoredZelda · 10/08/2025 10:59

I am one of three. I was once left out a party my two older siblings organised with my two cousins, spoke about in front of me, but never invited me. I was upset and felt really left out. I sulked but got my revenge by telling both sets of parents, who went along and broke it up. We were teenagers, I was 14.

As an adult if my siblings get together without me I’m fine with it because we are not joined at the hip and if I want the three of us to get together, I invite them all together. If I fancy seeing my sister, I see my sister.

Your siblings organised a dog walk, you don’t have a dog, it’s that simple.

Shinyandnew1 · 10/08/2025 11:42

I'm one of three and we often do different things in different combinations-I think it would be unreasonable to have to invite the whole family when you just decide to do an impromptu dog walk or cup of tea.

Glad you've spoken to your sibling though.

Why don't you invite everyone round to yours to get together?

aLittleWhiteHorse · 10/08/2025 11:57

We have a very similar familial geography and this sort of thing happens regularly and no one gets upset. We contact each other when necessary. I accept that we are not the closest family even if at times I wish we were.

A lot of these situations arise out of carelessness rather than malice so it’s not worth getting very upset over. I’m glad you have resolved it with your sister. That’s the best result.

tinyspiny · 10/08/2025 12:15

Myfansbroken · 09/08/2025 20:51

I'm one of three. I think someone always feels left out.

No they don’t , plenty of us on this thread are saying we are fine with our siblings meeting up without us .