If you are one of 3 adult siblings, would you be upset by this?

[FirstdatesFred]

I’m all hormonal and genuinely can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable or not.

if you are one of 3 siblings would you be upset in this scenario?

you’re sibling 1 and live in the same village as sibling 2. Your parents live about 5 mins away too. Sibling 3 lives about half an hour away and is very busy so no one sees them that much.

today I found out that sibling 2 and 3 and their families went for a walk together then back for a cuppa to sibling 2’s house, your mum was also there. No one invited you and you/your kids were not included. My mum sort of told me by accident otherwise I wouldn’t have been any the wiser. Sibling 3 doesn’t come over this way often.

I would have loved to see them and haven’t seen sibling 3 for ages as they’re super busy.

I got upset on the phone with my mum she said ‘come over’ but I said I won’t as I wasn’t invited. I thought siblings might message but they haven’t. Am feeling sad and left out no one thought to include me and sibling 3 came to my village and didn’t want to say hi.

would other people be upset too or is it just me? I’ve definitely had a disproportionately emotional response due to hormones.

This

Yes. I’d be upset. The politics of adult siblings are complicated.

I’m one of 4 adult siblings scattered around the UK and Europe.
The other 3 do not have 9-5 jobs (redundant, retired, long shifts offshore/at home), or dependent children. I found out via social media that they’d been to a festival together recently. The one organising didn't invite me because “I thought you’d be busy” (I wasn’t). The other 2 assumed i’d been invited. DM knew i hadn’t been invited but didn’t mention it because she didn’t want to upset me. Not the first time the sibling that organised this has deliberately excluded me. That sib doesn’t like me for reasons out of my control.

YABU unless there’s a pattern of exclusion. Sounds to me like Sibling 3 decided to visit parents. Perhaps parents bumped into sib 2 and mentioned, maybe some of it was impromptu? I’d just let it go but mention it if it happened again.

Yes I would be hurt by this too.

I’m one of three. I’d be upset too!

Another one of 3 here.

I wouldn't be bothered by this.
When we see each other (outside of weddings and funerals) it tends to be 2 siblings - any combination. Gets far too complicated trying to find a time all of us can get together.

But if I'd been your Mum or one of your siblings, I'd have been at your strop.
They invited you, and you refused to have a cuppa with them.

We usually meet up in pairs & that’s fine because we all have different shared interests, but if both my siblings were visiting our dad & didn’t at least ask if I was free then I’d be hurt.

I would be really upset by this. Especially pre planned.

Id actually assume they both thought the other had invited me or something tbh in that scenario. Id expect them to therefore be apologetic/mortified and I would go over if free, yes.

Have you actually asked them what's gone on? Seems odd you can't talk about this honestly if you're all as close as you say.

I’m one of three and I’d be relieved that I wasn’t invited.

I'd be put out, was it planned or did it just evolve?
Think they should have sent you a text to invite you

Totally bizarre. Was it last minute? Did they think it would inconvenience you?

I mean it’s difficult to think of a credible excuse.

Yes I'd be upset, I need to know why .
Do you all get along ok why is sibling 3 not that far away but uses the excuse they are super busy .
Maybe more to it on sibling 3 side.

YANBU. That's very hurtful. I'm so sorry, OP. It's horrible feeling excluded.

I’d be fine with this. I had lunch with one sister and my parents on Friday. If you’re desperate to see siblings, initiate things.

I'd be very upset about this yes.

It’s a bit sneaky tbf, I think it would piss me off. Knowing I wasn’t invited would set my gears into overthinking motion.

in our family, it’s so hard to get everyone together at one time, we just announce events and if you can make it, then great, if you can’t we’ll see you at the next one. That way no one is obliged and no one is left out, it’s just a sort of open invitation. My brother will tell you he’s never invited but we literally tell him everything and he’s just hardly ever around except for Easter and Christmas.

A tough time are you serious a cancer diagnosis is a tough time your brothers nipping out for a dog walk isnt.

“Our kids are same ish ages, 2 of mine can be tricky…”

This might’ve tipped the balance. I know this affects the dynamics of my DB’s three adult children meeting up. That, and weird anti social partners. No-one wants either of that spoiling a spontaneous afternoon walk.

I'm one of 6,I don't think I would be. Various combinations of us meet up to do different things at different times. We don't live in the same city, and don't feel that we need to inform each other if we happen to be in each other's city. We all get on very well and are close. Perhaps the amount of us makes thus easier, I don't know.

Yup!
I’d be gutted if my siblings and parents excluded me like this.
of course people can meet up without me, but if the whole family were catching up and only I wasn’t there, then yeah I’d be really hurt

It does sound a bit thoughtless and the kind of thing sadly OP, many people experience in their families. I am the black sheep in mine and get along ok with everyone but my siblings who have no partners or children are a close unit with my parents and they socialise together a lot more. I am always left out.

I have a DH and DC and am a real oddball because of this.

When I read things like this topic it makes me feel sad for poster, only because it must be so out of the blue to suddenly be in this scenario and to write about it. For many it is just a typical family dynamic to be left out (and to get an apology, would never would happen). It is low on the richter scale in some ways (as you know not to expect better behaviour).

It sounds as though you have a healthy dynamic with family acknowledging the hurt and all of you moving forward positively 💐

I was referring to her saying she was feeling emotional and entertaining kids all weekend as a divorced single mum.

But I am a nice person. You are not.

Kindly, OP, are you also feeling other emotions, maybe some depression? Would some therapy be helpful?

Glad you reached out and have a plan to see S3.

I would be hurt by this . I remember things from the past where my Mum ,who lived with me, said I was a lot of trouble when I was young ( i dont think i was ). Then praised sister for all her good qualities . This was in public at a family do . I understand you'd be upset by this and it's hard to put it behind you . Maybe speak to your siblings and tell them you're upset .