To think MIL should replace DD's hair products?

[comeandhaveteawithme]

MIL recently took DD away on Holiday, for which I am of course very grateful.

I packed her a hand luggage backpack and a small suitcase. I obviously put any liquids over 150ml in her suitcase, which I was told would be checked into the hold.

Once at the airport, they decided DD's suitcase was small enough to go on as hand luggage so they didn't bother checking it in.

Subsequently, all of DD's hair products were confiscated and thrown away. She has long, thick hair that can be difficult to manage so I buy her certain products that we've tried and tested that work on her hair, the products total about £20. Also confiscated was a bottle of sun cream that costs £7.

We don't have a lot of spare money, and still have four weeks of the Summer Holidays left to go and need any spare cash we have. I can't really spend an extra £27 replacing these products that were almost full when I packed them and have now just been chucked in the bin. My Summer Holiday plans and budget are very carefully calculated. £27 is lunches for the week.

It is reasonable to think MIL should have bought her new stuff? I'm not going to ask her, but should she have replaced them? or AIBU and should just suck it up because she took her away and treated her?
DH just thinks it's all my fault and seems to think it somewhat amusing that I "still don't know liquid rules at airports" 🙄

Irritating but really know way you can say anything about it, you are extremely lucky your daughter got a holiday and presumably what you would have spent on childcare would have been a great deal more than £27. Surely your MIL had replacement sun cream for her?

*no

It is their fault but you can’t expect the money back.

The holiday will have cost them more

Whatever one thinks of splurging on expensive shampoo for a child, it’s downright alarming that such vanity purchases could leave the OP without enough money for something as essential as food for family lunches for the week.

The OP never said it was shampoo and she didn't say she can't afford lunches because of a vanity purchase either.

The (unspecified) hair products = £20
Lunches for the week = £20
Total = £40
OP has £40 and can therefore afford both.
However, someone else has now created a situation where OP has to replace the hair products, so now it becomes
Hair products = £20
Lunches = £20
Replacement hair products = £20
New total = £60
But OP has £40 so she now cannot afford everything.
She can afford lunches. She can afford the hair products. What she can't afford is the replacement.
The problem is that someone else has created an additional expense that the OP cannot afford. This is not the fault of the OP, or her budgeting, it is the fault of the person that created the additional expense.

There are several solutions to the problem

1. The OP makes savings elsewhere, meaning someone, probably the OP herself, will miss out (hardly fair)
2. The OP doesn't buy lunches (not a viable option)
3. The Child goes without their hair products (again, not really fair)
4. The MIL, who created the issue, replaces.

I fail to see how anything other than option four is the right option, regardless of how much money was spent on the holiday, the OP still had a budget which is now disrupted and wasn't what was agreed upon and the MIL still caused her an issue.

Absolutely not! She has taken your daughter away and used the let’s get through checkout quick! I would have used some of the small bottles that you fill up with product so she wants taking so much in the first place. Maybe consider this next time to avoid any future frustrations.

Did you tell MIL that DD’s suitcase contained full size toiletries and must go into the hold?

Given that MIL paid for the holiday and for DD for the duration of the holiday it would be very petty to ask for the £27.00 - I don’t think there will be anymore holidays or treats if you do.

Why do you need £7.00 sun cream, go to Asda/Aldi and get their own brand for £3.00. Aldi do some copies of branded shampoo and conditioner for much cheaper.

If all her products were confiscated does this mean she never washed her hair during the holiday as she had no products? Or did she use whatever was available? The reason I ask is if she did use other, perhaps cheaper products, then you don't need to spend extra on specific brands!

If money is that tight I would be looking for cheaper hair products..

It’s frustrating when you can’t afford to easily replace them ………. But if you make a fuss about it then you risk MIL never taking her on holiday again.

I understand your annoyance but would not ask MIL for money back given she just took your DD on holiday. Did you not save on food money when your daughter was away? I’d think that would balance things out? I’d buy cheaper hair products for the time being and see this as a lesson learned. (You did absolutely nothing wrong, but if there’s a next time let them know about what’s in the suitcase.)

Good grief. Yeah you’re right not to ask. And she’s right not to replace them. Bit unfortunate, but a flight abroad, accommodation for the week, food, drinks, ice-creams will run in to several hundreds, if not thousands at this time of year.

These stupid mil’s can’t ever get it right. But hey we need someone to hate on.

Surely you just put this down to one of those things that don’t go to plan.

Just to add, you mil sounds quite nice, but she’s not a mind reader, why don’t you explain the situation and she’ll probably happily replace them.

As annoying as it is, you are going to have to write this one off as ‘shit happens’.

How old is your daughter?

I know you said it was to go in the hold...but did you specifically say there's liquids in it and they need to be in a checked in bag? They could have put them MILs checked bag (we do this with our DD who just brings hand luggage)

Is it just me who never travels with full bottles...half empty ones go into the travel wash bag. Save on weight and it doesn't matter as much if they get left behind by mistake.

It's really not your MILs fault though is it? She took your daughter away on holiday, that's a pretty big deal.

Curly folk know the struggle & expense, applaud you for £27 for a full routine 🙌

I've lived on bare minimum, saved for my kids products between purchases and held out for deals so I get it.

I don't think MIL would get it and is chalk it up as a lack of understanding. Your DH on the other hand is a c-womble!

In a pinch I have used Alberta balsam, done rice water rinses as treatment and made flaxseed gel

Did she have no suncream or shampoo the entire holiday? I'm confused as surely the products would have been half if not fully used up on holiday anyway?

It's toiletries over 100ml not 150ml that need to go in the hold. Just for future reference. Although the rules are meant to be changing ( and have already at some airports)

Did you tell the grandmother there were liquids in the case?

Yabu. It was her fault but just a mistake and I can imagine it didn’t cross her mind to offer. I’ve done the same thing at an airport and had to throw away dd’s expensive hair and skin care too - we had to buy substandard replacements out there. It’s just one of those things.

I guess just see it as replacing them sooner than you were expecting to. Or get cheaper ones this time as a one off.

Yeah I’d be annoyed. Dd also needs hair products and they cost more but last a long time.

Even if that wasn’t true, throwing away someone else’s possessions is not ok.

I agree with you that it worth mentioning now, but if they want to take her away again in the future I would say something to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

I was going to say exactly that.

If her hair is long and that difficult to manage, haircuts also exist.

I can't see anything in your single post to indicate that your MIL even knew that your daughter had those items in her check-in bag. If she didn't know, and your daughter didn't tell her, then that's on you.

Of course not, think of the money you saved by her taking your child on holiday.

Reading comprehension has become difficult for many, as evidenced here. My guess is that if they read and comprehended, they would not be able to froth at the mouth and go on the rabid attack.

@comeandhaveteawithme I do not think YABU to think she should have replaced the items, but good on you to not ask her. Hopefully, you can find something a bit cheaper to use on your DD's hair for a few weeks. Look at the bottles and try to find ones that contain the same ingredients but are cheaper (if they exist). What did your DD use on the trip if she had no shampoo, conditioner or sun cream?

Yes this MIL here would have automatically replaced or reimbursed you. But we are not all the same are we? Is she normally generous?