House Valuation in Divorce

[Aliceindaftwonderland]

I am divorcing ‘D’H.

He repeatedly lost his temper and engaged in verbal abuse towards me and DC. Got Social Services involved and he’s better with DC now. He knows they are old enough and will talk if it gets bad.

We are living separately but staying at the family home when we are looking after DC.

We need to get a valuation for the house.

I want to divide up the Estate Agents and each show different ones around. I don’t want to see him in person if at all possible.

I’m happy to pick which EAs we show round randomly and insist on all communication being done via email for us both to see. Im happy to have a witness there to oversee me. I’ve told him this.

He is insisting we both be physically present to show the EA round.

I am noticing that not seeing him is leading to me feeling much more settled. When he sends me nasty messages (blaming, critical, name calling, involving others who he says all agree with him that I’m this/that or the other) I get a physiological response. Seeing him does the same.

Having had several weeks now without seeing him all of my digestive symptoms have gone. They briefly return at every nasty message but I can manage it better when it’s just written.

I haven’t told him this (just said I’m prioritising my wellbeing) but in the past I have told him he scares me because of his very rapidity escalating rages over small
things.

He says I should just be ‘adult’ about it.

He is accusing me of being up to no good and that it’s controlling and is insisting we are both there. He says the norm is to both be there.

If you know people that have divorced or you have, did both of you/them show the agents around?

AIBU to keep my boundary and not join him at the house?

Just tell him to get 3 EA valuations with advice of asking and actual sale price in writing to both of you.

Alternatively you could get 3 done and then forward him the message afterwards and tell him if he wants to get more valuations carried out he’s welcome.

This absolutely. Just arrange 3 in your time send them to him and state if he requires more he is welcome to do so. You will not be present with him.

Also agree with posters who says to ensure your solicitors has copies of abusive emails.

You just need a rough idea of value of house . Do you actually need an estate agent ? I don't think they will be impressed that you just want a figure for divorce settlement. Give them the idea that the house needs to be sold and don't mention a buyout. You could also just maybe look at recent prices in your area . What is necessary is a value that you can agree on . I don't think you have to submit any estate agents info . Of course if you do intend to sell then get an agent to give you a valuation.

Why does my solicitor need the abusive messages? Conduct won’t impact the financial settlement I was told.

We will be putting it on the market with one of them.

Not to derail, but is the restricted access to the children being dealt with separately? You are a victim of domestic abuse and as such don't have to be in his company again.

Social services didn’t think it met threshold for child protection and he’s changed his parenting now. As it’s emotional only it’s not enough for domestic abuse measures. So it’s 50/50 and we ‘nest’ - so kids don’t see us together and we don’t see each other while we sort finances. Kids are old enough to verbalise and vote with their feet once we are living separately. Sadly I need to manage it myself.

I’ve been in exactly this situation OP earlier this year. Do what you’re suggesting for now. He gets three local EAs to do a valuation and you do the same separately. Instruct via email with other on cc but only you need to be present for yours. If the valuations differ wildly you can talk then suggest a surveyor.

During the process there will be points where will be asked to provide an updated valuation by the courts. If you disagree with the valuations (which I did because my ex husband got an EA who didn’t know the area and only dealt in luxury multi million pound homes to value the property 😂) the judge will instruct that one of you provides a list of 5 EAs, the other selects 3 from that list and the original person instructs. This takes out any bias between the both of you.

Sorry to hear that. It’s rubbish. 😞

We are quite rural so very limited in how many estate agents we can instruct. I might just have to pray forward soon. I’ve been trying to agree this for months. At first he said we didn’t need a valuation. 🙄

It would be better to see EAs together so you both hear what they say re valuation and strategy. Otherwise you’re likely to argue over which one is better.

I had to do this with ex-W when things were still very raw between us (she had an affair). It was stressful but worth doing

Ok so he is being obstructive.

Just book them yourself get detailed valuations and how much the charge and how long the sole agency is.

He can choose who to sell with but you both agree the price to market at and the price you will agree to accept as a minimum.

If he obstructs sale you can take it to court and the judge will deal with it.

Why on earth do people who have no knowledge on how legal proceedings work presume to tell OPs what they should do? It is mainstream practice for parties in financial proceedings on divorce to obtain 3 valuations from local estate agents and not from a surveyor. That is what is found in most orders for directions when valuations are required. Generally, a surveyor is required only when there is something about the property which takes it out of the ordinary.

Heaven knows that court proceedings are expensive enough without incurring unnecessary costs.

OP - you don’t have to be there when the estate agents look around the house, but you should ensure that they have been given clear instructions in an agreed joint letter of instruction. It is not uncommon for a party to try to persuade agents that a party is worth more, or alternatively less, than it is actually worth, to further their own ends.

Another surveyor here. There's no set method in my experience. Both present/one present equally acceptable but my preferred for potentially contentious is all other parties sit in the garden while I go over the house with questions either dealt with together or by email afterwards

I get that.
Suppose you let him show all the EAs round and then contact them afterwards to hear the valuation directly from them ? If he wants to keep control of the valuations, that might satisfy him. If he wants you to force you to spend time with him, it won't help though.