DP being a bit of a CF

[mindingmyown37]

a week or so ago DP got a message from his estranged family that they are coming over from abroad and would like to meet, the last time we saw said family was 8 years ago so he decided to agree. They want to meet 4 hours away from us so DP figured he’d make it a short getaway, At first he wanted to take dc, but they both have prior arrangements with friends the days they are here so he was gonna have to go solo as I was scheduled to work. He kept moaning about it being awkward so I made a deal with the devil (my manager) to get the day off. Tbh he was good as gold about it as I’m always doing him favours. Fine… this is where the cfery comes in. Initially he told me we are leaving at 1/2 on the Sunday. Fantastic, because I have jobs I do every Sunday so that works… next thing, he wants to leave earlier. Okay fine I’ll leave the kids bed change till Tuesday when we get home and will just leave the ironing until the Sunday after. Then he starts saying he wants to leave earlier, why do I need to do my jobs, I can do them all on Tuesday.
I’m getting rather annoyed at this point. 1 I changed my plans so he isn’t alone, 2. I don’t want to leave everything until Tuesday in case we encounter delays and don’t get home until late.
but it’s the comment he made to me this evening that has made me snap. Whilst talking about what time i need to wake kids up on Sunday morning. He said ‘ oh we are getting up at 7 aren’t we’
I was like , no I’m bloody not, it’s my day off, I get up at 6 every work day, don’t go to bed until about 1/2 due to sleep issues. I’m not getting up at 7. Now he’s sulking about it. I know he’s driving, I get that, however this trip was sprung on us, he was initially going to go alone until I offered to change my days around and also the jobs I am doing before I go will literally take an hour and a half.
im literally
showering
taking the dog out
changing my bed
sorting out the box of non ironing laundry I have that needs putting away. So we can most likely leave by 10am latest which is 3 hours earlier than planned. I also can’t do it tomorrow as I’m working all day. Please tell me I’m not being unreasonable here.

a/n I’m not leaving dc alone even though they are old enough, my mum lives with us so they won’t be alone. And also before someone says it… no my mum also can’t do my jobs as she has arthritis in her back so has problems just doing her own.

You are putting these petty jobs that can be done any time, any day, ahead of something that’s obviously a massive deal to him (seeing his family for the first time in years), moaning and complaining about stuff that doesn’t matter. Get a grip.

Not sure why it makes him a cheeky fucker. And this trip is clearly a big deal to him so I’d cut him some slack rather than just being pissed off, he probably just what’s to get there then he can relax a little.

Youre not being unreasonable and I’d sit him down and talk about it. He’s obviously worked himself up and is far more stressed by seeing his family than he’s letting on. That’s why he’s moving it earlier and earlier. But you need to tell him that while you appreciate that life doesn’t stop because of it and you have jobs that keep the house running. You should leave at X time and if he wants to go earlier you won’t be with him.

But you don’t need to put the laundry clothes away tbf. You can do that another day if necessary.

If your DC are old enough to be left alone (even though they’re not going to be) they can change beds and do some housework

What? You’d tell your partner to go alone to a major event because you’d got to change the beds?!

that’s some skewed priorities right there.

If your H wants to leave early he can pitch in with changing the bedding and putting laundry away!

The getting up thing i get and there could be some compromise there but the beds and laundry could wait.

Might be petty to you, but if I don’t do it, he certainly doesn’t. The most he will do is strip the bed whilst I’m in the shower. He has no idea where the other laundry goes except his own. So will defo build up . I also work retail and will be working from Wednesday - Saturday so after Tuesday when we arrive home my next day off will be Sunday again. I’m not saying we can go earlier, but I’m just not getting up earlier on the Sunday, I’ve already agreed we can leave at around 10, when we have to get up early on the Monday to meet them. It’s the busiest time on the retail calendar, I’m wiped most nights as well as living with an autoimmune disease.

What's with the obsession with housework? This is not the first thread I've seen with this recently.

YABU Last time he saw them was 8 years ago, sounds like he needs moral support from you. I don't think you should be prioritising small household jobs over something that must be quite a big deal for him.

Absolutely not telling him I’m not going, I wouldn’t do that to him, I’m just asking for a bit of time in the morning to complete at least some jobs, I’ve already said I’m not doing 2 of them. And tbh the showering, dog walk and my bed change is non negotiable because I’ve just come off my period so it defo needs changing. So the the only other thing is the laundry box which literally take me about 8 minutes. I do the same thing every Sunday so I know the timings.

Funnily enough they are the 2 things he hasn’t offered to do… he will quite happily strip the bed, put the laundry in the box but making and sorting out is yet to be offered 😂

So now there’s the drip feed of period and autoimmune disease. Honestly you just sound like you don’t like him very much. This is the only time in the last 8 years he’s asked for support on this matter.

And what do you think will happen if the beds aren’t changed on your designated day?

It really doesn’t matter when there’s big stuff like this happening.

do you think you’ll lie on your death bed and say “I wish I’d let my husband to go on his own to a big important family thing so that could’ve changed the beds one more time.”?

Having an autoimmune condition is another reason to say “fuck the laundry”.

The fact that your dh is useless around the house the rest of the time is another thing altogether that also needs tackling. Just not this weekend.

Another YABU. I don't get the drama.

Your DCs can take the dog or do some help with the laundry if they're old enough to be alone. You could do it on Tuesday or another evening or the night before or when you get home. You could survive without changing your sheets for one week. You could actually just ask DH to do one of your tasks.

There are so many options and absolutely nothing you're stressing about is remotely as important as what DH is (rightly) prioritising. If it were your family member and DH were tantruming about mowing the lawn or cleaning the bins or hoovering the car out then he'd be getting called an insensitive prick.

Everything he's asked for is pretty reasonable.

Why can't the kids change their own beds (and maybe their grandma's, if she struggles) and walk the dog?

Omg I forgot to write I had an autoimmune disease, I must be drip feeding 🫠 if I didn’t like him I wouldn’t have changed around my days at work would I? He never asked me too… I did it and then told him.

I find it so weird that you are prioritising a lie in and bog standard housework over what is clearly a really big deal to him with regards to his family. You don’t even mention any worry about leaving your kids, it’s all about the changing of the beds!!

So weird.

If you need to shower and change bedsheets because you've been on your period then I think waiting until Sunday is bizarre. If you and/or your sheets are bloody - wash them now!

Yeah that’s how it works, majority say YABU so you keep adding in details to try and change it 🫠

You said you did it because he kept moaning, you’ve mentioned he’s moaning and lazy, a CF etc… so yeah sounds like you don’t like him.

Yes, I did think that the obvious solution was for him to offer to help you to do the tasks. Presumably he didn't.

Did you actually read the OP? My dc are going out with friends hence why they are not coming, hence why I’m waking them up at 8… which means they can’t take the dog out…. ( my brother is coming to do Monday and Tuesday walks) I don’t get what the deal is in terms of me just asking to complete a few jobs. We are not even meeting them until the Monday, so we are just driving up on the Sunday. If he needs to do something before we go, he does it, no questions asked. I’m not asking him to wait why I clean the house from top to bottom… just a few mundane tasks which will take an hour and half tops.

You're being really inflexible! Do you not have holidays? Day trips on Sunday's? Changes in plans for birthdays? Surely you can manage an early morning and not doing your usual jobs as a one off to support him.

No he didn’t. Just suggested I do them Tuesday when I arrive home… only thing he offered to do was strip the bed. Which Is usually his job on a Sunday morning anyway.