Taking a child scared of dogs into a dog friendly coffee shop

[KimberleyClark]

DH and went to a local dog friendly coffee shop this afternoon with our neighbour’s two dogs, a golden retriever and a terrier cross who are staying with us for a few days while their owner is away. At a nearby table there was a father with his little girl of five or six who was obviously very scared of the dogs, who are both sweet natured and were just minding their own business and not wandering about or anything. When we got up to leave the little girl ran away into a corner. I suppose he might have been trying to acclimatise her, but if he was he wasn’t going the right way about it, having a chat with us, asking the dogs’ names etc might have been better. AIBU to think that if you know your child is that scared of dogs,a dog friendly cafe is not the best place to take them?

"I’ve never heard a dog bark in a dog friendly cafe, neither have I had a dog come up to me. They’ve always been well behaved and under control."

I've seen dogs play fighting in the middle of a dog friendly National Trust cafe and dog owners ignoring it. It's idiots like these who give dog owners a bad name. Unfortunately I think the number of idiot owners has increased.

Dogs are often part of a family, I would always take my dog on holiday if I was going in the UK. Why on earth would you put him/her in a kennel?!

Again, it works both ways. You say dog owners should plan to find dog friendly places, that having a dog is a choice and that non-dog owners shouldn't need to accommodate dog owners. All totally correct. But, if you don't want to go to dog friendly places, do your research and plan. Not having a dog is a choice, dog owners shouldn't need to accommodate non-dog owners. It's not that difficult.

Looks lovely.

You're right the person was crackers to take a child afraid of dogs in there. This isn't a Gails that has started tolerating a few dogs under tables. Their whole reason for being is a dog cafe!

That's fine, if you want to take your dog on holiday then choose an appropriate holiday. You can't expect access to everywhere. Dogs are not humans and don't enjoy all the things humans enjoy. Having a dog is an active choice. Not having one is the default norm for a human being. Dogs are not humans and aren't the equivalent of humans either.

That’s a bit of a daft comment! Why do you have to say anything, just keep the dog under control!

I have this problem. My daughter is terrified, screaming, crying etc whenever she sees a dog. Dog owners are as a general rule selfish people you assume everyone is going to love their dog because they do. Finding a dog unfriendly place is very hard. All these dog friendly places are also people friendly places and I think dog owners need to remember that as well. Country parks, beaches, play parks and now apparently cafes are all for people and not just somewhere to take a dog.

That's really difficult for you. What are you doing to help your child to get over this phobia?

I don't expect to access everywhere, just places that allow dogs in. If they don't, I won't cross the threshold

I do! I book dog friendly cottages and research dog friendly places to eat and drink. I don't expect everywhere to be dog friendly, at no point did I say that, why would I suggest that dog owners plan (which was in the post you're responding to) if I was just expecting everywhere to be dog friendly?

Having a dog is an active choice. Yep. But not having a dog is also an active choice. What makes not having a dog the 'default norm'? What does that even mean? The fact that places are becoming increasingly dog friendly tells you that there is increasing demand. If people being anti-dog was the norm, businesses would not be increasingly becoming dog friendly.

Also, back to 'default norm'. 🤣 You're just making shit up now.

I like dogs but I wouldn't go in a dog friendly cafe, my choice.
But they are everywhere. There is a new tv ad for a furniture store and one of the families has a dog on a sofa just why? They don't have to be everywhere.

We had thisa couple of times when we had our little dog (parson Russell terrier, didn’t go near other people, sat under the table). We were actually told in an advertised “well behaved dogs are welcome” cafe by a woman next to the table we were going to sit at “you can’t sit there, he’s scared of dogs”. There were no other tables, the staff were apologetic but we had to go somewhere else, with my then 84 year old mil with us. She had really been looking forward to eating fish and chips on the pier with a view of the sea.

Yes, my daughter was the same. We have always enjoyed the outdoors, taught her to love nature etc but her fear developed directly from the behaviour of dogs and exacerbated by the behaviour of owners. When I have politely asked people to keep their dog away from my child they either a. Dismissed me telling me and my daughter the dog is friendly, when my daughter did not want a dogs face in her face and didn't experience it as friendly or b. Very rude and often abusive. That is actually confusing and distressing for a child in addition to the distress caused by the dog. A lot of dog owners in my experience have little respect and empathy for children.

Outdoors is the right place for a dog but its a real problem for children who should also be able to enjoy it too. My daughter is a teen now and still freezes when she sees a dog despite all we have done to encourage her to relax - such as meeting friends and family with well managed dogs.

When we do come across a good owner we always make a point of thanking them and being friendly to their dog.

Actually, I read the OP as meaning four dogs as well. What you wrote was that you took two of your neighbours' dogs plus the other two whose breed you described.

Looks like a case of "eats, shoots and leaves"!

I wouldn’t give a second thought to the child tbf. It’s clearly well beyond just being accepting to dogs but almost a dog focused cafe.
If you bring a child who freaks out at the mere sight of a dog to such a place it’s on the parent not you. Carry on and don’t think about it any more.

Ooh I’m in the south west and have a golden, where are the branches do you know? Yes I could Google but I’m just about to take said golden out to scare some local kids. I mean walk him. The kids love him.

She’s having weekly dog therapy. The problem isn’t when she knows a dog. It’s when she sees a strange dog. Her first response to any dog is flight. Dog owners take this as a personal attack. The nasty things I’ve been called and have said to me because she “hates all dogs” is nobody’s business. It costs us a fortune not only in therapy but the only places we can go are things you have to pay for. And even when we go to the national trust and such like dog owners seem to think it’s ok to have their dogs off a lead because they are so friendly.

It was the 10th anniversary of my son’s death yesterday - I went to his grave. I couldn’t lay any flowers because the Gardner had a dog loose in the graveyard. The dog came running up to me barking. It was very intimidating and I couldn’t spend the time I needed at my baby’s graveside. This is quite a raw subject for me today.

Sounds like they are having a great stay at your home. 🥰
My DS was petrified of dogs ASD, he's great now, we borrowed my brother's calm small dog and eventually moved up.

When walking my DB’s late black lab, may his beautiful soul rest in peace, I would often get parents, mostly dads, coming up to me and asking if their child could stroke him. He would just sit calmly while the child stroked them, no sudden movements, no attempts to lick them or anything. He was a great dog.

I went to the one in Rhiwbina (lovely place) a couple of years ago. Yes, a strange destination for a dog-phobic customer. But I suppose he had his reasons.

Yanbu, tbf it was ridiculous that the DC's family brought a terrified child to a dog friendly café.

This. It is so annoying. Obviously apart from service dogs.

My dogs don't cry, yell, scream, pick their noses, wipe snot all over, get coo'd at for existing in the most annoying voice known to man by sopping parents who teach kids that misbehaving and being annoying is super adorable to strangers trying to enjoy a frothy, overpriced drink in peace.

I pick dogs over children.

But, if we have to make areas 'free', then I'll support no dogs or kids cafes.

When I rule the world... 🎶
Newsflash. Mumsnet posts are not laws. You can dislike it all you like but if it's a dog friendly space then dogs will probably be there. Such entitlement to think that you can guilt trip me into sitting in the rain when the people who actually run a place allow dogs in.

My kids never fucked someone's leg or shat on the floor...your point is what?

My point is some people don't like kids, either.

They're not all cute or well behaved.

If this applies to kids or dogs, keep them out of the cafe or just accept both and move on with life.