in laws - obsessed?

neversaynever27 · 2025-08-08T06:32:20+00:00

So v long history to this - too much to write and also very very outing to go into specifics. But outline. Have been with my husband for 13 years. Married for 5. 2 DC. Had a great relationship with my in laws until the ring appeared - she literally turned on me overnight. Will never understand and have stopped trying to. I am NC after what I would now consider as emotional and verbal abuse from them both (MIL & FIL) so are our children who they are not really bothered about anyway as they came from my womb. My DH is very low contact even though I have wondered why after all the damage they have caused but whatever, they're his parents. Anyway sorry to go on. But I just feel theyre obsessed with me. When he speaks to them all they talk about is ME, ask about ME and I'm just so sick of it. Why??? I dont understand it and yes it does bother me after all they have put me through. I have asked DH to stop answering questions and talking about me after all that has happened. Has improved. They are also obsessed with our marriage and always saying to him "we have no idea why you are with her. Leave her and the children" (like what the f?). After writing this you're going to say DH problem (I know) but thats not my q? My question is why do they behave like this? It is so exhausting

Roothewheel · 08/08/2025 07:34

When he speaks to them all they talk about is ME, ask about ME and I'm just so sick of it

but he is “very low contact”
so presumably this is once in a blue moon
just say to dh you don’t want to hear about the conversation
the end

nomas · 08/08/2025 07:35

I don’t think you have a DH problem. He has gone very low contact with them but they are still his parents.

Are you in the room when these conversations happen?

Roothewheel · 08/08/2025 07:36

It isn’t a DH problem OP
it is a you problem
you don’t have to listen to these presumably very very rare conversations
and you then don’t ask dh about them
and you ask dh not to tell you

It really is that simple

no need to make a drama about it

Semiforthewin · 08/08/2025 07:38

I simply don’t understand why he is repeating this back to you and you say they are “always” saying about your marriage but also that he is low contact.

Original poster

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 07:40

Roothewheel · 08/08/2025 07:34

When he speaks to them all they talk about is ME, ask about ME and I'm just so sick of it

but he is “very low contact”
so presumably this is once in a blue moon
just say to dh you don’t want to hear about the conversation
the end

Yes. Why when they get to speak to their son occasionally are they talking about me, the woman they hate so much? I would never ask about them as I am not interested.

OP posts:

Original poster

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 07:41

Just to make it clear as ALWAYS meaning every time they do speak without fail. Whether that be once a month or every six.

OP posts:

Original poster

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 07:42

nomas · 08/08/2025 07:35

I don’t think you have a DH problem. He has gone very low contact with them but they are still his parents.

Are you in the room when these conversations happen?

No. I am not, sometimes I over hear things from the other room, sometimes DH tells me

OP posts:

Moonnstars · 08/08/2025 07:42

Why are you so worried about it?
The phone calls can't be that often and there is no need for you to hear them. Does DH put them on speakerphone? If he is then isn't he the insensitive one?

Original poster

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 07:43

Moonnstars · 08/08/2025 07:42

Why are you so worried about it?
The phone calls can't be that often and there is no need for you to hear them. Does DH put them on speakerphone? If he is then isn't he the insensitive one?

Yeah I do get why people are saying this. But I think after the last 5 years and all the things and moment and occasions they have ruined I just do not understand why they are so interested in still interfering

OP posts:

beAsensible1 · 08/08/2025 07:44

Tell to stop telling you. Obviously the rare phone calls are reminder for why they are low contact so it riles them up.

either way dh shouldn’t be telling and you should leave the room if he’s on the phone with them. Stop giving it headspace.

Original poster

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 07:44

Roothewheel · 08/08/2025 07:36

It isn’t a DH problem OP
it is a you problem
you don’t have to listen to these presumably very very rare conversations
and you then don’t ask dh about them
and you ask dh not to tell you

It really is that simple

no need to make a drama about it

I needed to hear this 🤣

OP posts:

Moonnstars · 08/08/2025 07:44

What are they saying though that is so upsetting?
And like I said, if your DH is repeating something they had said to you then I feel like he is shit stirring and enjoying the conflict. In which case it is a DH problem as much as an in law problem.

Semiforthewin · 08/08/2025 07:46

One of two things must be happening though.

1 he speaks to them, once in a blue moon or whenever and chooses to share their negativity with you which makes him insensitive

or

2 he speaks to them once in a blue moon or whenever and you ask what they said about you specifically which means you are ironically obsessed with their obsession.

so either don’t ask or tell him not to share. Problem solved.

justanotherpassword · 08/08/2025 07:53

Here’s hoping you don’t have a son who then marries someone who cuts him off from his parents.

I’m assuming they are asking as you have gone Nc and might try and get a better understanding? Aren’t they allowed to ask about you? You are on here bitching about them so what’s the difference?

Original poster

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 08:00

justanotherpassword · 08/08/2025 07:53

Here’s hoping you don’t have a son who then marries someone who cuts him off from his parents.

I’m assuming they are asking as you have gone Nc and might try and get a better understanding? Aren’t they allowed to ask about you? You are on here bitching about them so what’s the difference?

Have 2 sons. And will NEVER ever treat my DIL's the way that I have and will hopefully get a different result. Regardless, I will bring them both up to know their wife and children come before their mummy.

Are they allowed to? Um yes. But why would they when they absolutely hate me? Weird imo

OP posts:

justanotherpassword · 08/08/2025 08:18

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 08:00

Have 2 sons. And will NEVER ever treat my DIL's the way that I have and will hopefully get a different result. Regardless, I will bring them both up to know their wife and children come before their mummy.

Are they allowed to? Um yes. But why would they when they absolutely hate me? Weird imo

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With kindness you don’t know that. We can all aim to be the perfect mil when our time comes who will treat her dil like her own. Rarely happens as we all have our own world views, opinions and far too often think we know best especially for our children regardless of how old they are!

Maybe they want to build bridges or maybe they just want to bitch about you to your husband. Who knows. I’d be more interested if they didn’t ask about you at all. For me that would mean they really didn’t care whatsoever and there was no come back.

I don’t think it’s particularly weird that they ask about you if I’m honest. If it stresses you out this much tell your husband not to mention it to you unless you are the one asking him about his conversation…

Original poster

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 08:24

justanotherpassword · 08/08/2025 08:18

With kindness you don’t know that. We can all aim to be the perfect mil when our time comes who will treat her dil like her own. Rarely happens as we all have our own world views, opinions and far too often think we know best especially for our children regardless of how old they are!

Maybe they want to build bridges or maybe they just want to bitch about you to your husband. Who knows. I’d be more interested if they didn’t ask about you at all. For me that would mean they really didn’t care whatsoever and there was no come back.

I don’t think it’s particularly weird that they ask about you if I’m honest. If it stresses you out this much tell your husband not to mention it to you unless you are the one asking him about his conversation…

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Yes of course we can have ideals and they don't materialise. However I am very sure I will never think I come before either of my son's families.

I have been stalked, harassed, verbally abused and threatened by them. I am not interested in ever having any contact with them, let alone a relationship. I tried several times for my DH and DC. For more than 5 years I tried and it severely affected my health in the end. I do not ask about them because I have to no longer care. They have shown me they do not care about me time and time again, so why are they wanting to know things about me? Just seems nosey.

They were hoping that we would separate which is not going to happen

OP posts:

Sharptonguedwoman · 08/08/2025 08:36

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 07:43

Yeah I do get why people are saying this. But I think after the last 5 years and all the things and moment and occasions they have ruined I just do not understand why they are so interested in still interfering

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Because they think you have trapped their son so they can't have him? Or some other such nonsense. It doesn't have to bear any relationship to reality as it's all in their heads.

luckylavender · 08/08/2025 08:37

How do you know all this?

ZaZathecat · 08/08/2025 08:43

They are probably obsessed with talking about you as they see you as the reason their son is not fully in their lives

CowHeronCow · 08/08/2025 08:49

ZaZathecat · 08/08/2025 08:43

They are probably obsessed with talking about you as they see you as the reason their son is not fully in their lives

Well, this appears to be the truth, no?

Roothewheel · 08/08/2025 08:57

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 07:40

Yes. Why when they get to speak to their son occasionally are they talking about me, the woman they hate so much? I would never ask about them as I am not interested.

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what is “very low contact” OP?

MsCactus · 08/08/2025 08:57

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 07:40

Yes. Why when they get to speak to their son occasionally are they talking about me, the woman they hate so much? I would never ask about them as I am not interested.

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Probably because the mum grew him in her stomach, birthed him, nursed him, raised him to adulthood and since he got with you he barely speaks to them.

I'm not saying you're wrong to go low contact - but that'll be why they ask about you.

Roothewheel · 08/08/2025 08:58

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 07:42

No. I am not, sometimes I over hear things from the other room, sometimes DH tells me

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This is pathetic Op

seriously
it’s a rare phone call. Just head off or be explicit with dh not to tell you

honestly I wonder about how some posters get on in life

Roothewheel · 08/08/2025 09:00

Going by this thread OP, I would guess that it would be enlightening to hear the In laws version