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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in laws - obsessed?

90 replies

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 07:32

So v long history to this - too much to write and also very very outing to go into specifics.

But outline. Have been with my husband for 13 years. Married for 5. 2 DC. Had a great relationship with my in laws until the ring appeared - she literally turned on me overnight. Will never understand and have stopped trying to.

I am NC after what I would now consider as emotional and verbal abuse from them both (MIL & FIL) so are our children who they are not really bothered about anyway as they came from my womb. My DH is very low contact even though I have wondered why after all the damage they have caused but whatever, they're his parents.

Anyway sorry to go on. But I just feel theyre obsessed with me. When he speaks to them all they talk about is ME, ask about ME and I'm just so sick of it. Why??? I dont understand it and yes it does bother me after all they have put me through. I have asked DH to stop answering questions and talking about me after all that has happened. Has improved. They are also obsessed with our marriage and always saying to him "we have no idea why you are with her. Leave her and the children" (like what the f?). After writing this you're going to say DH problem (I know) but thats not my q? My question is why do they behave like this? It is so exhausting

OP posts:
Original poster
neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 14:07

ReadingSoManyThreads · 08/08/2025 13:40

My in-laws were like this, completely turned from loving me to hating me from the moment DH told them we'd gotten engaged. They made our lives utter hell, so we cut them out. They've never met our children. MIL is obsessed about slagging me off to everyone she knows (we hear from relatives that bothered to keep in touch with us). PIL wrote DH out of their Will because he refused to divorce me.

Its awful isn't it. People don't understand until they experience it themselves!

OP posts:
Roothewheel · 08/08/2025 15:52

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 13:15

One for drama? 😂 the amount of MILs on this thread is scary. Were you also arrested 2 weeks after your DIL gave birth or was that just mine?

Show quote history

Op this is peculiar

dh is very low contact he never ever takes his children to his parents etc, never shares Christmas or birthdays etc with them.

And in the handful of phone calls he has with them a year , you’re getting yourself in a twist. Do. Not. Listen. And make clear to DH you are not interested in the fabric of the conversation.

It really is that simple

Unless…. You are pursuing drama

Roothewheel · 08/08/2025 15:56

You ask if I’m a MIL

no tween and teen
neither have ever had a girlfriend or boyfriend
and no GC on the horizon

Roothewheel · 08/08/2025 15:58

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 13:18

Thank you for those that wrote helpful comments and gave sane advice.

I would love to put details in the thread and specifics because you'd think I was an actual saint if I did. I was advised by several professionals including the police to go no contact for my safety. But yes, I am the drama queen.

Nothing big happened. Just a woman that wished she was married to her own son, genuinely and doesn't like it that my husband treats me better than hers, treats her. We were together a long time before getting engaged- I was close to my inlaws believe or not, until then.

🙄

no one is saying you’re not right to go NC. That is your prerogative

It is also your prerogative to not listen to the handful of phone calls a year and be insistent you don’t want DH to tell you

Azandme · 08/08/2025 16:04

Why?

Some people are batshit.

A Queen does not concern herself with the ramblings of fools. Stop letting it get to you.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 08/08/2025 16:12

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 13:04

The reason he isnt fully in their lives is because they have terrorised me. Stalked, harassed and threatened me for no good reason. How is their behaviour my issue?

Show quote history

Yes, but they will never see it like that and you know that. In their(her ) eyes, you are the evil one who turned her son against her , keeps her grandchildren away from her , is over sensitive and over reacting bla, bla , bla cry me a fucking river.

They probably keep asking just in case there’s something they can latch on to drive a wedge between you and your husband.

This is definitely a DH issue (and in part you).

  1. He should shut them down every time with a “she’s fine , everything is fine “ , change the subject and nothing else. If they keep banging on, he has to go, end the call. No information, no details, no engagement. 2.He should not be passing any comments on. What good does it do? It only breeds more resentment and frustration. So what exactly does he think he’s doing? Unless he secretly likes you and her fighting over him.

This is where it’s a slightly you problem too. Tell him to stop. If he doesn’t, stop him in his tracks and don’t engage . You don’t care and don’t want to hear it.

The in laws are playing the same game they’ve always played for their own gain/reasons. Why are you and your DH still playing?

Original poster
neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 16:31

Roothewheel · 08/08/2025 15:52

Op this is peculiar

dh is very low contact he never ever takes his children to his parents etc, never shares Christmas or birthdays etc with them.

And in the handful of phone calls he has with them a year , you’re getting yourself in a twist. Do. Not. Listen. And make clear to DH you are not interested in the fabric of the conversation.

It really is that simple

Unless…. You are pursuing drama

Edited
Show quote history

Fair enough. What you are saying does make sense.

I do not want drama. But I still have feelings about the situation and still very angry, maybe that is why it winds me up soooo much.

Hopefully time is a healer. Well, it feels like it until the next contact. But yeah

OP posts:
Roothewheel · 08/08/2025 16:33

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 16:31

Fair enough. What you are saying does make sense.

I do not want drama. But I still have feelings about the situation and still very angry, maybe that is why it winds me up soooo much.

Hopefully time is a healer. Well, it feels like it until the next contact. But yeah

Show quote history

Time is healer… how long has it been?

so now you remove yourself when these very infrequent calls occur

and if your DH ignores your requests not to speak about them… then start a thread in Relationships … because you have a DH problem

Original poster
neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 16:50

Roothewheel · 08/08/2025 16:33

Time is healer… how long has it been?

so now you remove yourself when these very infrequent calls occur

and if your DH ignores your requests not to speak about them… then start a thread in Relationships … because you have a DH problem

Show quote history

Less than a year since I "gave them another chance" in what I thought was the interests of my DH and 2 DC. I didn't want things to be like this, I did give it many chances but sometimes you have to say enough is enough.

OP posts:
Roothewheel · 08/08/2025 16:57

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 16:50

Less than a year since I "gave them another chance" in what I thought was the interests of my DH and 2 DC. I didn't want things to be like this, I did give it many chances but sometimes you have to say enough is enough.

Show quote history

Indeed

so stop torturing yourself by listening
and if dh ignores you… you have a marriage problem

in any event, I’m sensing this isn’t a very happy marriage anyway

crazeekat · 08/08/2025 17:01

Cos they are assholes and they hate you so they want to know the goss to have more to hate you with. You will never know why. You have to forget they exist. Tell hubby not to tell u anything and he only phones out the home so u don’t hear. It’s that easy. However.
I think telling ur dh to leave the kids is unforgivable and why he is still in contact with them after they comment to me is a dh problem. And remember this is there problem not yours. Don’t let them change you or make you bitter. You must be something good, kind, pretty, popular, who knows for then to hate you. Jealously is an awful thing. This is on them not you or your kids. Living and loving your life is the best way to go with these kind of folk. Make sure they see pics of how happy your hubby is too. Best revenge🤭

Maddy70 · 08/08/2025 17:39

There is a reason why they turned on you after having has a good relationship. Something must have happened.
If they don't see you or her grandchildren they are very likely to be asking their son why and questioning it.

You use on odd posseive term for your children " from your womb" are you withdrawing contact between grandchildren and grandparents as a punishment?
Your DH wants to see them otherwise he wouldn't. It must be difficult for him if you won't allow his children to see them when he does

Obviously they could have done something absolutely hideous but your posts don't reveal that really. It would be interesting to hear your husband's version

Original poster
neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 17:48

Maddy70 · 08/08/2025 17:39

There is a reason why they turned on you after having has a good relationship. Something must have happened.
If they don't see you or her grandchildren they are very likely to be asking their son why and questioning it.

You use on odd posseive term for your children " from your womb" are you withdrawing contact between grandchildren and grandparents as a punishment?
Your DH wants to see them otherwise he wouldn't. It must be difficult for him if you won't allow his children to see them when he does

Obviously they could have done something absolutely hideous but your posts don't reveal that really. It would be interesting to hear your husband's version

Does her trying to run me over 2 weeks after I gave birth whilst my child was in my arms give you enough reason why I don't want anything to do with them or for them to be near our children. The no contact with our DC was actually my DH decision. Not mine.

No big reason. I have tried to talk to them and they say they love me 😂 it is insane

OP posts:
Original poster
neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 17:49

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 17:48

Does her trying to run me over 2 weeks after I gave birth whilst my child was in my arms give you enough reason why I don't want anything to do with them or for them to be near our children. The no contact with our DC was actually my DH decision. Not mine.

No big reason. I have tried to talk to them and they say they love me 😂 it is insane

Show quote history

Oh and he does not see them face to face. His decision, not mine.

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 08/08/2025 17:50

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 17:48

Does her trying to run me over 2 weeks after I gave birth whilst my child was in my arms give you enough reason why I don't want anything to do with them or for them to be near our children. The no contact with our DC was actually my DH decision. Not mine.

No big reason. I have tried to talk to them and they say they love me 😂 it is insane

Show quote history

Well yes that's a good reason ;)

Trallers · 08/08/2025 18:01

If their behaviour is unreasonable and illogical then I wouldn't waste any time trying to understand as it probably isn't understandable outside of their own minds. Whatever changed (from their perspective) to view your negatively all of a sudden presumably still stands, so it follows that they would be wanting to know via their son what the situation is currently for him.

I can imagine those conversations stir up a whole load of feeling for you, so I agree with all the posters that say DONT LISTEN!! You could have an agreement with your husband that anything you might need to know he tells you (eg one is ill in hospital and he's going to visit) but the rest of it he doesn't share as it runs the risk of disrupting the peaceful atmosphere in your home.

Roothewheel · 08/08/2025 18:28

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 17:48

Does her trying to run me over 2 weeks after I gave birth whilst my child was in my arms give you enough reason why I don't want anything to do with them or for them to be near our children. The no contact with our DC was actually my DH decision. Not mine.

No big reason. I have tried to talk to them and they say they love me 😂 it is insane

Show quote history

Oh.

Did you start a thread about that? Report her to the police?

you gave them a second chance despite her trying to murder you and your baby?

RawBloomers · 08/08/2025 19:23

It's weird that they turned on you overnight when you got engaged. Presumably she thought you were a temporary fill in until he got serious and found himself a suitable wife or something? Are you a different ethnicity/class/religion?

Obviously no one here is going to know why your PiL are obsessed with asking after you. My guess would be that they don't really think about their son as being separate from them so they don't need to ask after him, They are obsessed with separating him from you, so they ask after you to try and find a weakness they can exploit to that end.

But it's just a guess.

Vile as they are trying to get their son to leave you and his children, you probably do yourself no good letting this get to you. Would it help if you ask your DH not to tell you about what he talks about with them?

Original poster
neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 19:59

RawBloomers · 08/08/2025 19:23

It's weird that they turned on you overnight when you got engaged. Presumably she thought you were a temporary fill in until he got serious and found himself a suitable wife or something? Are you a different ethnicity/class/religion?

Obviously no one here is going to know why your PiL are obsessed with asking after you. My guess would be that they don't really think about their son as being separate from them so they don't need to ask after him, They are obsessed with separating him from you, so they ask after you to try and find a weakness they can exploit to that end.

But it's just a guess.

Vile as they are trying to get their son to leave you and his children, you probably do yourself no good letting this get to you. Would it help if you ask your DH not to tell you about what he talks about with them?

This would make sense (your 1st paragraph) if she hadn't of asked me for grandchildren etc. We were together a long time before engagement... it wasn't a surprise to anyone that we got married. It all started from there and progressively got worse through the wedding and then children. I was close to my MIL before that. I did give her many chances.

You are right. They are obsessed with separating him from me/us. He sees that now.

OP posts:
Original poster
neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 20:00

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 19:59

This would make sense (your 1st paragraph) if she hadn't of asked me for grandchildren etc. We were together a long time before engagement... it wasn't a surprise to anyone that we got married. It all started from there and progressively got worse through the wedding and then children. I was close to my MIL before that. I did give her many chances.

You are right. They are obsessed with separating him from me/us. He sees that now.

Show quote history

And no. We have pretty much identical upbringings, economic status, culture, everything

OP posts:
Original poster
neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 20:01

Roothewheel · 08/08/2025 18:28

Oh.

Did you start a thread about that? Report her to the police?

you gave them a second chance despite her trying to murder you and your baby?

Edited
Show quote history

No thread lol.

Yes, and she was arrested.

And yes foolishly I did. Not in the same way, but yes and she just did more insane stuff.

OP posts:
Roothewheel · 08/08/2025 20:15

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 20:01

No thread lol.

Yes, and she was arrested.

And yes foolishly I did. Not in the same way, but yes and she just did more insane stuff.

Edited
Show quote history

So you start a thread about fact that you overhear a handful of conversations a year where y your in laws ask about you

but you don’t about your MIL attempting to murder you and your baby?

She was arrested on charges of attempted murder? What happened?

RawBloomers · 08/08/2025 22:24

Roothewheel · 08/08/2025 20:15

So you start a thread about fact that you overhear a handful of conversations a year where y your in laws ask about you

but you don’t about your MIL attempting to murder you and your baby?

She was arrested on charges of attempted murder? What happened?

Show quote history

FFS criticising someone because they don't put really serious things on an anonymous Internet forum?

I think you have your prioritities screwed up.

Things over heard on the phone is far more of an appropriate level for AIBU than attempted murder.

Campingisnexttogodliness · 08/08/2025 22:28

Ime agree with dh they are never to be mentioned in your home.
We are nc with ils. We had 1 last rant then agreed they didn't need to figure in our lives at all. Not even in our conversations..
Been a bloody fabulous 10 years.
Ask dh to respect you suggesting this. Your home is your sanctuary. They shouldn't be intruding in it. Whatsoever..
Imo.

RawBloomers · 08/08/2025 22:29

neversaynever27 · 08/08/2025 19:59

This would make sense (your 1st paragraph) if she hadn't of asked me for grandchildren etc. We were together a long time before engagement... it wasn't a surprise to anyone that we got married. It all started from there and progressively got worse through the wedding and then children. I was close to my MIL before that. I did give her many chances.

You are right. They are obsessed with separating him from me/us. He sees that now.

Show quote history

That is even stranger, then.

Is there any chance your DH spouted off about you to them once in a bit of snit and they have taken it all out of context and now frame you as controlling/moeny grabbing/evil in some way? Or something happened to another relative that put them off all spouses/long term partners? Just coincidentally right when you got married...