do people think this is normal behaviour

[ReapersSideKick]

I go to groups for anxiety during my time going to groups I became what i thought was freinds with 2 other people who go to groups and we talked on fb. both admited that they saved all our chats which i didnt feel confortable with as i told them things in confidance private things and if i had known they were saving the chats i wouldnt have told them this personal stuff. just curious what other people think

I delete everything, I’ve friends that don’t and someone got into her phone and landed the other one in a big pile of horse shit - there was fall outs, hearts broken, lies, seeds planted, opinions given wow, it was messy!!

Oh OP! Surely you don’t think everyone is deleting all their chats?! It’s just not what (most) people do.

I even have messages from VERY distant exes. People don’t really delete this stuff anymore (sure, in the first ‘flush’ of mobile phones we had to delete messages, as phones weren’t made with huge amounts of storage, but that was in the early noughties!)

OP people are just offering reasonings as to why she may have backed off.

no one has said you don’t deserve support or friendship. They’re just trying to provide perspective. None of us know what she is thinking or if she is right or wrong. Its just guessing as to her motives

reasoning or difference of opinion isn’t people arguing or offering any sort of moral judgement on you.

No one deletes chats.

Your friend's behaviour is a different issue altogether, they might be complete arseholes who don't care about you, they might have had enough of supporting you, they might have been preoccupied by their own problems. We don't know.

No one has suggested that it is one sided. But for whatever reason, that night your friend and her bf (best friend? Boyfriend?) were unable to offer you support.

And, yes, if someone wanted support from you but you felt overwhelmed by it or were doing something nice for yourself and didn't want it interrupted or just plain didn't want to, it would be fine for you to not get involved then too.

It's important to recognise and honour your own needs and not just other people's.

tbh i think that is the odd behaviour here.

Yes, you are definitely the outlier for deleting chats.

Re the 'expecting them to come over' - we'd all need a lot more context to know about that, which obviously you don't need to share here, but no, I wouldn't expect some people I met at a support group who I had become friendly with to anticipate I wanted them to come over at any point, without asking them directly.

I think what you’re forgetting is that you met these friends at support groups. You’re all dealing with stuff. Don’t make the friendship an extension of the support group, your friends probably want to talk about and do something else outside of those groups. Use the groups for support and friendships from those groups as something lighter.

I’m sorry OP but this really is a you problem. You can’t expect your friend and their partner to drop everything to support you, you’re not their child or their responsibility. You are (presumably) a grown adult, you need to find a support system professionally for the anxiety.

What have you done to be 'there for them' ? What are you expecting from them?

You sound very paranoid. I dont delete chats, seems most on here dont either.

I’m confused about how this thread has gone from asking about deleting messages to being blocked because you’ve kicked off that they haven’t asked you to spend time with them when you’ve told them you’re feeling down / are struggling!? They are two totally unrelated concepts. 🤯

Whilst I can understand you feeling let down that they haven’t at least acknowledged your message, especially when you’ve shared that you are struggling, which I agree is pretty shit of them, you also sound quite needy. There was nothing stopping you asking them for coffee etc if you felt you needed some company. I think a movie at a house with a couple sounds very third wheel!

What help? Deleting messages?

I never delete Facebook chats, so I think it's normal.

Just someone who doesn't know how to quote.

OP that’s unique. I know one person in life who actually does this, the norm is you just leave it there. I’m not saying it’s weird, just not common. And referring to something you said before is just how conversation works? Means they have listened to you and are relating things. I think this is probably your anxiety talking.

She’s copying and pasting the bit she wants to reply to but not using quotation marks so at first glance it looks like her words.

if like for this board to be deleted if any monitors see it as i feel ive been verbally attacked and made to feel paranoid which isnt the case

I wouldn't tell her or anyone too much about you. People really can be dicks. Even if they aren't, the unease that you now feel is a huge sign that you need to protect your privacy and things that are very private, especially don't put anything in writing.

Maybe a one on one private counsellor instead of group therapy ( or in addition to) would be good. Therapy is so personal, people need to have a private confidential space to be totally themselves safely.

lol yeah joy patronising or what huh

If you don’t want people to save your chats then you need to use something like Snapchat where your messages disappear and you get a warning if the recipient screenshots.
“Assume that people are keeping receipts” is something that most teens will know.

most people i know only use fb snor but lesson learned i wont message anyone anything private on it or post anything private thats what worries me that those chats can be shown to others in groups

That's definitely not my intention. I'm in long term therapy. Have been for over 15 years. Because it's not really safe to trust people, especially those you don't know. One on one therapy is therefore great. I believe most people should have it tbh.

I've been there and done that many times myself- being vulnerable and questioning whether I should have, with that person and so on.

I'd never want group therapy genuinely because I don't see how that gets to the core reason behind anyone's struggles. I do believe it does have benefits though for learning techniques and meeting people in a similar position. No more than that though.

That's a really good lesson then on not sharing things on SM .