do people think this is normal behaviour

[ReapersSideKick]

I go to groups for anxiety during my time going to groups I became what i thought was freinds with 2 other people who go to groups and we talked on fb. both admited that they saved all our chats which i didnt feel confortable with as i told them things in confidance private things and if i had known they were saving the chats i wouldnt have told them this personal stuff. just curious what other people think

I chat in person if I don't want a record of what was said.

she blocked me i told her things last week offline this was things i was dealing with i told her and her bf monday last week neither of them contacted me afterwards so i messaged them last night said i wasnt happy about that as they knew i was going throught stuff and i was on my own they just stay 5 minutes away not once did they say want to come round watch a movie want to go for a coffee or anything they just left me to my own devices

I’d say it’s far more common to keep chats and unusual to actually go to the effort of deleting them. If there’s something that highly personal to you that you don’t want a person to mention again then chat is not the best way to communicate. To be honest though, even if it had just been a conversation and not an online chat if you have an ongoing dialogue with these people they may bring up the personal stuff again in the future if it becomes relevant again or because they care and want to see if you’re ok etc

You’re definitely in a minority here OP

I don’t think anyone deletes them, I’ve never known anyone to

OP you’re being very unreasonable here. I’m not surprised she has blocked you, they don’t owe you anything here. It sounds like you really need some professional help here, your friend and her boyfriend have their own lives, they do not live to serve you.

I have a Facebook chat with DP going back nearly 20 years. No-one deleted chats OP, that would be weird. They're not emails on a limited server.

It’s not normal to delete chats as you go along on fb tbh. I might delete some if I have a bit of a clear out and there’s some random one off chats with people I’ll never need to speak to again (marketplace chats for example)

Learn from this:

1. most people don’t delete chats and that’s entirely normal and not suspicious
2. never put anything in writing that you might regret putting in writing (move to in person convo)
3. what’s done is done and cannot be undone, move on.

I’ve never deleted a fb chat, it has literally never occurred to me as a thing someone would do until I opened this thread. I have never gone back to a fb chat to find something to use against someone. I think that’s a strange way to view it.

OP you’re being very unreasonable here. I’m not surprised she has blocked you, they don’t owe you anything here. It sounds like you really need some professional help here, your friend and her boyfriend have their own lives, they

you seem like a nice person to know i know if i had a freind that was dealing with stuff and they were on theyre own id be there for them even if i couldnt practically help them id let them know id be there for support that to me is what freindship is about not having that attitude yeah im your freind but if you have problems dont bother me i dont owe u what kinda mindset is that

You're the first person I've heard of that deletes chats OP. All mine are still there right from year dot of my Facebook.

I've never deleted a message on fb messenger ever.

I created my account in 2007 at 17 years old. If I scroll back far enough on DPs chat, our origin messages are still there from when we first met in 2008 and added each other.

You should always assume that anything you out on the Internet is there forever.

Tbh, OP, as someone who has been on both sides of this, it can e very difficult supporting someone through.anxiety - especially if they are spiralling.

If they didn't invite you round, it is likely because they were doing something nice together and didn't want it interrupted or didn't have the capacity.

It's great that you have people for support but they are people with their own lives and needs too. They aren't just there to meet yours.

Yes but maybe her and BF are busy or have plans or are going through their on things. Or have reached their limit in talking about it stuff right now.

it’s seems you’ve offloaded quite a bit on them, maybe they need a break for a few days. She is seemingly quite a new friend? You might be trauma dumping and she feels overwhelmed.

remember over sharing only creates the illusion of closeness.

It's a bit needy to go off on one because people don't behave in the way you expect. It's not up to anyone to manage your emotions. Ask if you want to meet up. You just set yourself up for disappointment otherwise.

I’m also in the camp of: theres a difference between actively saving / screenshotting something and just not deleting a conversation.

I don’t delete anything, messages just follow in from each other as one long thread. I thought this was pretty normal / standard. If someone sets up a group chat to arrange an event, I might delete the chat once the event has gone but thats all.

In all honesty who’s going to be scrolling through her phone and giving enough of a shit about you to go reading backlogs of old messages to friends just in the hope of finding something juicy about someone they may not even know! If her phone has a passcode or a facial recognition no-one is getting into it anyway. I think you’re over thinking it tbh. Perhaps even a little bit paranoid.

Tbf, that's not what that poster said but also, you ask what sort of mindset it is? it's a healthy mindset.

Of a person who recognises their own needs as well as other people's.

If they didn't invite you round, it is likely because they were doing something nice together and didn't want it interrupted or didn't have the capacity.
It's great that you have people for support but they are people with their own lives and needs too. They aren't just there to meet yours.

i like how you assume its been one sided ive been there for them when needed so dont make it seem like im being selfish or unreasonable in expecting them to be there when i need support maybe from the comments on here i should just look after no1

yeah it seems to me like thats the world we live in dont gaf about anybody if somebody has problems kick them to the kerb and let them deal with it nice to know im done chatting

Why did you ask for opinions on here just to argue with them?

I would assume the vast majority of people don't delete chats on FB etc,because who can be arsed? Certainly I can't. That's a different thing from actively downloading and saving it, which I don't know if that's possible on FB, but it is on WhatsApp.

maybe i didnt expect the responses making it seem like im being an ahole for expecting help from people i condsidered freinds when ive been there for them but this is only going to escalate im leaving before it gets to that stage

The only time I’ve ever deleted chats is when my phone storage is at its limit and I need to free up space.
Otherwise, every chat just sits there. I don’t go back and read through them, unless there’s something specific I’m looking for, like someone sent me a link for something for example.
The chats just sit there 🤷🏻‍♀️
I don’t think it’s normal for people to delete every chat they ever have with someone. To me, deleting every single one immediately seems really shady like they are trying to hide something