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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

On phone in stationary traffic

281 replies

Charttopper · 05/08/2025 21:37

NC for this. I'm wondering if any legal folk have advice or whether you all think IABU.

A few weeks ago I was stopped at traffic lights for some time in standstill traffic so I briefly picked up my phone to look at a message that had come through. I was on my own with my baby in the back. Suddenly I was aware of something to my right and when I turned, there was a man in a high vis jacket on a bicycle, stopped right next to my door, and bending down to stare at me through my window. He didn't engage, just stared straight at me for what felt like an age. His position meant that I couldn't get out of the car and it felt very intimidating. I didn't know what his intentions were, or what he'd do next.

He then cycled off ahead and stopped by the windows of one or two other drivers and did the same thing. I felt quite shaken by the experience.

I later learned that he either reported me or was an undercover policeman as he had filmed me on my phone with his helmet camera.

I have now received 6 points and a £200 fine. I accept that the law states that checking your phone including when stationary is an offence so I am not disputing that there should be a consequence.

However, I can't help but feel that 6 points is a disproportionate punishment given that I was stationary and not actually causing risk. If I was moving it would be a different matter but I was not driving without due care and attention, i was stationary with the break on.

Secondly, the method of capturing this footage - a man staring into a woman's car, on her own with a baby, and instilling fear and blocking her in surely is not acceptable?

Can I challenge any of this?

OP posts:
Tessasanderson · 06/08/2025 14:06

You admit you were on the phone. You tell us someone captured it on camera so you did it long enough for this too happen.

If you got 6 points, hopefully its enough for you to never do it again. Job jobbed and move on.

TizerorFizz · 06/08/2025 14:08

It’s illegal. Probably not the most intelligent law but hasn’t everyone learnt that you have to be hands free by now? Alter what you do op. You’ll have to pay the fine.

TruckDiver · 06/08/2025 14:16

How do you know that getting caught was due to a report by this man, particularly without knowing whether he was an undercover cop or just a busybody?

milveycrohn · 06/08/2025 14:28

If your car does not come with the ability to use your phone, then buy a hands free blue tooth set and fix to car.
That way you use your phone (to make and receive calls) without holding it.
Or use 'android auto'? which includes txts

TheVillageofLowerDenture · 06/08/2025 14:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Hibernatingtilspring · 06/08/2025 14:56

Sunshineandoranges · 06/08/2025 13:47

Well I do sympathise. The same thing happened t my adult son. And no, before anyone gets snarky, he doesn’t use his phone when driving but was stationary at lights. It’s a big penalty. The unfair thing is that drivers can use on screen sat navs and blue tooth etc which is distracting when the car is moving. Cyclists around here belting along whilst using mobile phones etc,There isn’t anything you can do. Just try not to dwell on it. These things happen unfortunately.

My 'infotainment' system is voice activated. There is a touch screen, but it only allows a limited number of presses before it pauses for safety, and that's only for things like pressing play - it doesn't allow typing at all, unless the car is parked. I'm not sure how they vary but it really isn't comparable to a phone.

Chompingatthebeat · 06/08/2025 15:18

Charttopper · 06/08/2025 09:53

Just to be clear, I don't sit around thinking everyone is a threat and going to steal my baby.

What I said was that in that moment, with a man behaving strangely (as I felt at the time as I didn't know what he was doing) all sorts went through my head. Have you never had an irrational thought in the moment of feeling a bit spooked?

I can accept responsibility and still think that particular part of the situation was unsettling.

So if it was, as you admit, an irrational thought, why's it being mentioned in what should other wise be a rational discussion about road safety, its completely irrelevant.

V0lcanicAshCl0uds · 06/08/2025 15:45

Soon it will be Ai cameras
Automatic fines
Points & fines

However, the law is clear, no driving & using mobile phone

V0lcanicAshCl0uds · 06/08/2025 16:07

AI cameras are already out there

Have been trialled near where I live

See BBC news today

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cqxg8v74d8jo

Nursingadvice · 06/08/2025 16:27

Farted6 · 06/08/2025 12:53

For catching and reporting people breaking the law?

Yes, I don’t know if you’ve ever seen his videos but he is a complete arsehole. A jobsworth, and it isn’t even his job. I can not imagine spending my time cycling round trying to ‘catch people out’ and he antagonises people with it. I’d quite like to knock him off his bike.

TheNightingalesStarling · 06/08/2025 16:29

Nursingadvice · 06/08/2025 16:27

Yes, I don’t know if you’ve ever seen his videos but he is a complete arsehole. A jobsworth, and it isn’t even his job. I can not imagine spending my time cycling round trying to ‘catch people out’ and he antagonises people with it. I’d quite like to knock him off his bike.

You would like to knock someone whose father was killed by a dangerous driver off his bike?

Don't think he's the arsehole...

Pairymoppins · 06/08/2025 16:34

Sticking my neck out to say I think it’s disproportionate. Police seem to prioritise fining minor traffic offences which have been picked up on camera with no actual legwork involved. I recently got £100 fine for going 34 in a 30. In the meantime nothing happens to the dickhead boy racers crashing daily by driving at 90mph and running red lights in my area. Not to mention the ones cycling or quad biking down the middle of the road in their balaclavas.

Wolfpinkola · 06/08/2025 17:00

TheNightingalesStarling · 06/08/2025 16:29

You would like to knock someone whose father was killed by a dangerous driver off his bike?

Don't think he's the arsehole...

I bet he got bullied at school and I bet he’s small

JohnTheRevelator · 06/08/2025 17:40

The law quite clearly states that you must not have a phone in your hand when you are behind the wheel of a car, even if you sre stationary in a queue of traffic. Having said that,I do sympathise a little, because I see so many drivers using mobile phones when they are moving at speed,and I suspect they never get caught.A friend of my DDs is a prime example. She often uses her phone while driving and I'm guessing that because she continues doing it,she's never been caught! I travel on buses frequently so being that bit higher up,I am in a prime position to see people using phones when they are behind the wheel. Even when they know they've been seen,the vast majority of them don't seem to give a hoot and just carry on.

trelawney59 · 06/08/2025 19:06

Perhaps he was a relative of my friend who was killed by a driver who was using his mobile whilst driving and killed her….

She was married but never got to be a Mum because of this individuals decision to break the law. She paid the ultimate price.

Springtimehere · 06/08/2025 19:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

celticprincess · 06/08/2025 20:54

I’m sick of people on their phones on stationary traffic. I can’t get out of my street some days due to this. My street leads onto a main road where there are traffic lights to the right a few years down. If they’re on green people avoid the contact with me and don’t let me out. When on red I am hopeful that someone will leave a gap. But the number of people scrolling their phones and paying no attention and then suddenly bolting when they’ve left a gap that I’m about to fill winds me up. This happens also at many traffic lights I get stuck at on a morning going to work. I can usually see people in my rear view on their phone and their foot not quite on their break who are slowly edging closer to me. People in the next lane to the left or right doing the same. Meaning they don’t go when it’s on green and then lights go red again as they left too big a gap.

JackRobinson · 09/08/2025 21:59

Mycatmyworld · 06/08/2025 10:20

If I receive a message while driving I just ask Siri to read it for me, after that she says do I want to reply? If I f do, I just talk & then she reads it back & asks do I want to send or amend simple , why anyone needs to touch a phone when in a car is beyond me

Well not everyone has such a high tech car, for a start. My old banger doesnt even have Bluetooth! Not that that justifies it, but I have read messages while stopped at a red light when I know the message has been urgent.

BetweenTwoFerns · 09/08/2025 22:02

JackRobinson · 09/08/2025 21:59

Well not everyone has such a high tech car, for a start. My old banger doesnt even have Bluetooth! Not that that justifies it, but I have read messages while stopped at a red light when I know the message has been urgent.

She reads it out anyway. It doesn’t have to come through the car. I’ve got an iPhone SE so it’s not new and Siri will read my messages if I ask.

Chompingatthebeat · 09/08/2025 22:08

JackRobinson · 09/08/2025 21:59

Well not everyone has such a high tech car, for a start. My old banger doesnt even have Bluetooth! Not that that justifies it, but I have read messages while stopped at a red light when I know the message has been urgent.

Define urgent

Mycatmyworld · 10/08/2025 06:09

JackRobinson · 09/08/2025 21:59

Well not everyone has such a high tech car, for a start. My old banger doesnt even have Bluetooth! Not that that justifies it, but I have read messages while stopped at a red light when I know the message has been urgent.

What’s the car have to do with it not having Bluetooth ? It’s the phone on speaker that you require

UnderCoverB0ss · 10/08/2025 06:24

You need to stop minimising the use of a phone whilst driving. The fact that you still see nothing wrong with what you did makes me think that should you find yourself in the same situation you would do the same thing again. It’s not difficult, just leave your phone alone. They may be a baby now but what type of example are you showing your child if you continue to do this. I have been in the car with my dad and another time a friend who when stopped at the lights picked up their phones and I told them both to put their phones down because they were driving. I can advocate for myself and you should advocate for your child by not putting them at risk because of what was probably an inane message.

UnderCoverB0ss · 10/08/2025 06:29

JackRobinson · 09/08/2025 21:59

Well not everyone has such a high tech car, for a start. My old banger doesnt even have Bluetooth! Not that that justifies it, but I have read messages while stopped at a red light when I know the message has been urgent.

Urgent in what way? If you’re travelling to the urgent thing what difference would the message make? I can’t think of one example that justifies using your phone. If you’re expecting an urgent message once you hear the notification pull over when safe to do so and then check your phone. It’s not difficult.

Dbank · 10/08/2025 11:33

JackRobinson · 09/08/2025 21:59

Well not everyone has such a high tech car, for a start. My old banger doesnt even have Bluetooth! Not that that justifies it, but I have read messages while stopped at a red light when I know the message has been urgent.

You just need to buy a phone cradle, then you can touch and read your messages, or use Siri (etc) and you'll still be within the law. (provided you're not distracted etc)

It's "holding and using", that is the offence, not just using a phone.

DuesToTheDirt · 11/08/2025 09:19

Dbank · 10/08/2025 11:33

You just need to buy a phone cradle, then you can touch and read your messages, or use Siri (etc) and you'll still be within the law. (provided you're not distracted etc)

It's "holding and using", that is the offence, not just using a phone.

Legal but still dangerous. "provided you're not distracted" - well so many people seem to believe they're not being distracted when they evidently are.