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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

On phone in stationary traffic

281 replies

Charttopper · 05/08/2025 21:37

NC for this. I'm wondering if any legal folk have advice or whether you all think IABU.

A few weeks ago I was stopped at traffic lights for some time in standstill traffic so I briefly picked up my phone to look at a message that had come through. I was on my own with my baby in the back. Suddenly I was aware of something to my right and when I turned, there was a man in a high vis jacket on a bicycle, stopped right next to my door, and bending down to stare at me through my window. He didn't engage, just stared straight at me for what felt like an age. His position meant that I couldn't get out of the car and it felt very intimidating. I didn't know what his intentions were, or what he'd do next.

He then cycled off ahead and stopped by the windows of one or two other drivers and did the same thing. I felt quite shaken by the experience.

I later learned that he either reported me or was an undercover policeman as he had filmed me on my phone with his helmet camera.

I have now received 6 points and a £200 fine. I accept that the law states that checking your phone including when stationary is an offence so I am not disputing that there should be a consequence.

However, I can't help but feel that 6 points is a disproportionate punishment given that I was stationary and not actually causing risk. If I was moving it would be a different matter but I was not driving without due care and attention, i was stationary with the break on.

Secondly, the method of capturing this footage - a man staring into a woman's car, on her own with a baby, and instilling fear and blocking her in surely is not acceptable?

Can I challenge any of this?

OP posts:
Oreosareawful · 06/08/2025 10:24

You are being very unreasonable and I can't believe you are trying to play the victim in this situation! 😂

Hopefully you've learnt your lesson

LlynTegid · 06/08/2025 10:28

An unreasonable decision as you have not been banned for a period. Others are treated far too leniently I think and two wrongs don't make a right.

nomas · 06/08/2025 10:34

Mycatmyworld · 06/08/2025 10:20

If I receive a message while driving I just ask Siri to read it for me, after that she says do I want to reply? If I f do, I just talk & then she reads it back & asks do I want to send or amend simple , why anyone needs to touch a phone when in a car is beyond me

.

Dbank · 06/08/2025 10:44

RoseAlone · 05/08/2025 22:56

You broke the law. It's illegal to even touch your phone when you're in a car. You've been banged to rights.

It's not illegal to touch or use your phone while driving. It's not actually illegal to hold your phone, the offence is "holding and using".

Aaron95 · 06/08/2025 10:47

helloquitty · 05/08/2025 22:04

Oh my good lord the people on here. Proper load of saints.

what was the risk of harm? None

it’s just ridiculous. I say this as a person who had a family member killed by a lorry driver using a phone.

stationary in traffic glancing at your phone is not the same.

It's really annoying when the lights go green and the car at the front doesn';t move. Then you pass them and realise the driver is so engaged in their phone they have not noticed the lights have changed. It's not a rare occurance around here.

Whammyyammy · 06/08/2025 10:56

Im glad you got 6 points and a £200 fine, enjoy your insurance premium next year.

People that use their phones while driving infuriates me, it's selfish and dangerous. So many people have lost their lives due to someone just checking social media or making a call.
My husband has a camera and if he sees people using phones whilst on his motorbike he records and sends to the police.

Dbank · 06/08/2025 11:19

VaccineSticker · 05/08/2025 22:35

Unless you were stationary, engine off (if EV then it’s in park mode) handbrake on and in park mode then it is not illegal then you can use your handheld device otherwise do hands free.

Just wish they would clamp down on delivery drivers who can’t seem to travel in a straight line because they under so
much from their compaines
to deliver 500 parcels a minute so they end up driving with poor focus and attention whilst messing around with their phones. The average Joe on the road is less likely to do so.

You must be "safely parked" to "hold and use" a phone. Just being stationary, engine off, hand brake on is not sufficient.

Van drivers are responsible for how they drive, not their employers.

ShanghaiDiva · 06/08/2025 11:33

Marmiteontoastgirlie · 06/08/2025 10:15

I mean I would definitely ask to see all the footage to see if it checks out with the story - being filmed by a private citizen is a strange way for evidence gathering for prosecution. It could constitute harassment, no way to know whether the video was tampered with etc - what’s to stop any old weirdo with a vendetta just sending in an AI video of you on your phone in the car? There are solicitors who deal with challenging fixed penalty notices OP, perhaps you could talk to them and see if you have any grounds to challenge given the odd nature of how you were caught - man filming you without permission and being super weird about it.

Operation snap is designed for people to report drivers using their phone. There’s nothing unusual in the way the op was ‘caught’. Example
www.devon-cornwall.police.uk/opsnap

Dbank · 06/08/2025 11:40

Boredlass · 06/08/2025 07:11

You’re in the wrong. You aren’t even allowed to eat or drink anything either

Can you provide a reference to this in the Highway Code?

XenoBitch · 06/08/2025 11:44

cakeorwine · 06/08/2025 07:48

So it's not ok to HOLD a mobile phone and use it but it's ok to use a mobile phone if it's in a holder.

Using devices hands-free
You can use devices with hands-free access, as long as you do not hold them at any time during usage. Hands-free access means using, for example:

  • a Bluetooth headset
  • voice command
  • a dashboard holder or mat
  • a windscreen mount
  • a built-in sat nav
The device must not block your view of the road and traffic ahead.

I know that's the difference in law. I can see people still being distracted though if they are not holding the phone but still using the device.

You can use a two way radio though. My ex was a radio ham and was always chatting to others on long drives.

zingally · 06/08/2025 11:55

I was worried about a similar thing earlier in the year.
Stopped in stationary traffic, and a call from my employer came through. I answered it without really thinking.
After hanging up, thought "shit!" I was in lanes of traffic, so another motorist could easily have seen me.
Spent the next 2-3 weeks anxiously waiting for a fine.

Fortunately, it didn't come, but I learnt my lesson.

There are a number of people on social media who drive around on bicycles taking images of phone users and reporting them to the police solely for internet clicks.
Yes, I get it's illegal, but it's also pretty knobby behaviour.

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 06/08/2025 11:55

Marmiteontoastgirlie · 05/08/2025 21:48

What a prick! Could you perhaps write in an irate message saying you were intimidated by this man and had picked up your phone to call the police before he cycled off? Could be worth a shot.

PS this is AIBU so be prepared for everyone to flame you. But I occasionally accidentally check my phone if I’ve been sitting at lights for ages in traffic (and then freak out and look around to see if there is a camera watching me and wait for the fine in the post). It’s definitely not worth the worry for me but I do sometimes itch to briefly check a message if I’m very bored and not moving.

Don't be so ridiculous, you don't challenge a fine with a lie, you will end up in far more trouble. The cyclist has the incident on camera and they don't lie.

Worth a shot is insane advice

Farted6 · 06/08/2025 11:56

Shouldn't have been on your phone

samarrange · 06/08/2025 12:10

Dbank · 06/08/2025 11:40

Can you provide a reference to this in the Highway Code?

The Highway Code is available for free download from https://www.highwaycodeuk.co.uk/download-pdf.html. Here is an extract from page 94 of that PDF:

  1. Safe driving and riding needs concentration. Avoid distractions when driving or riding such as ● loud music (this may mask other sounds) ● trying to read maps ● inserting a cassette or CD or tuning a radio ● arguing with your passengers or other road users ● eating and drinking [italicised by me] ● smoking

Now, the Highway Code isn't a law as such, but it is used as a standard when the police are deciding to charge you with driving without due care and attention (aka careless driving). So it's not formally "You aren’t even allowed to eat or drink anything", but eating and drinking are definitely discouraged. Apart from anything else you are meant to keep both hands on the wheel at all times except when changing gear or doing some other essential driving-related operation.

Download The UK Highway Code ebook PDF for free

Download The lastest UK Highway Code ebook PDF for free English, Polish, Russian

https://www.highwaycodeuk.co.uk/download-pdf.html

suburburban · 06/08/2025 12:21

You shouldn’t have done this but I’m more concerned about drivers who have one hand on the steering wheel moving and have a phone to their ear

Dbank · 06/08/2025 12:30

samarrange · 06/08/2025 12:10

The Highway Code is available for free download from https://www.highwaycodeuk.co.uk/download-pdf.html. Here is an extract from page 94 of that PDF:

  1. Safe driving and riding needs concentration. Avoid distractions when driving or riding such as ● loud music (this may mask other sounds) ● trying to read maps ● inserting a cassette or CD or tuning a radio ● arguing with your passengers or other road users ● eating and drinking [italicised by me] ● smoking

Now, the Highway Code isn't a law as such, but it is used as a standard when the police are deciding to charge you with driving without due care and attention (aka careless driving). So it's not formally "You aren’t even allowed to eat or drink anything", but eating and drinking are definitely discouraged. Apart from anything else you are meant to keep both hands on the wheel at all times except when changing gear or doing some other essential driving-related operation.

I agree, avoid. Untrue to say "aren't even allowed".

Vintagenow · 06/08/2025 12:35

You're 4 times more likely to have an accident whilst using your phone and you did this with your own baby in the car. As someone who does a lot of driving I see parents doing this every day and I'm always amazed at the complete lack of care for their own children. They either don't love them at all or they are thick as mince.
Endanger your own children if you want but don't go around endangering others. If it was up to me it would be an instant 5 year ban. You got off lightly.

Farted6 · 06/08/2025 12:53

Nursingadvice · 05/08/2025 22:59

Sounds like cycling Mikey. He’s an utter prick.

For catching and reporting people breaking the law?

ginasevern · 06/08/2025 12:57

I hope the phone message was worth £200 and six points OP.

FullOfMomsense · 06/08/2025 13:38

If your baby died because you were involved in a car accident with someone on their phone, you'd be pretty pissed off I reckon. So maybe don't do anything that would put your child and other people at risk? I think drivers using their phones should be banned from driving for 6 months tbh learn your lesson!

Sunshineandoranges · 06/08/2025 13:47

Well I do sympathise. The same thing happened t my adult son. And no, before anyone gets snarky, he doesn’t use his phone when driving but was stationary at lights. It’s a big penalty. The unfair thing is that drivers can use on screen sat navs and blue tooth etc which is distracting when the car is moving. Cyclists around here belting along whilst using mobile phones etc,There isn’t anything you can do. Just try not to dwell on it. These things happen unfortunately.

Sunshineandoranges · 06/08/2025 13:47

FullOfMomsense · 06/08/2025 13:38

If your baby died because you were involved in a car accident with someone on their phone, you'd be pretty pissed off I reckon. So maybe don't do anything that would put your child and other people at risk? I think drivers using their phones should be banned from driving for 6 months tbh learn your lesson!

Be diffused if the other driver was stationary.

Sunshineandoranges · 06/08/2025 13:48

Difficult

Sunshineandoranges · 06/08/2025 13:50

Drivers can, amongst other things, legally take hand free calls when driving. So you can imagine that some calls can be very distracting to drivers. Texting when stationary can’t cause an accident.

FullOfMomsense · 06/08/2025 14:02

Sunshineandoranges · 06/08/2025 13:47

Be diffused if the other driver was stationary.

If you're in a car that is running and around other cars, you have to be alert. If someone was about to rear-end OP, she wouldn't have known and would have had no chance to move. Or if her foot came off the brake because she was on her phone, and she rolled into someone. So many possibilities. All of them lead to the same conclusion- that it's best, and legal, to not use your phone while driving.

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