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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On phone in stationary traffic

281 replies

Charttopper · 05/08/2025 21:37

NC for this. I'm wondering if any legal folk have advice or whether you all think IABU.

A few weeks ago I was stopped at traffic lights for some time in standstill traffic so I briefly picked up my phone to look at a message that had come through. I was on my own with my baby in the back. Suddenly I was aware of something to my right and when I turned, there was a man in a high vis jacket on a bicycle, stopped right next to my door, and bending down to stare at me through my window. He didn't engage, just stared straight at me for what felt like an age. His position meant that I couldn't get out of the car and it felt very intimidating. I didn't know what his intentions were, or what he'd do next.

He then cycled off ahead and stopped by the windows of one or two other drivers and did the same thing. I felt quite shaken by the experience.

I later learned that he either reported me or was an undercover policeman as he had filmed me on my phone with his helmet camera.

I have now received 6 points and a £200 fine. I accept that the law states that checking your phone including when stationary is an offence so I am not disputing that there should be a consequence.

However, I can't help but feel that 6 points is a disproportionate punishment given that I was stationary and not actually causing risk. If I was moving it would be a different matter but I was not driving without due care and attention, i was stationary with the break on.

Secondly, the method of capturing this footage - a man staring into a woman's car, on her own with a baby, and instilling fear and blocking her in surely is not acceptable?

Can I challenge any of this?

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 05/08/2025 21:38

It is illegal to hold your phone while in charge of a vehicle.
You were caught, pay up and stop whinging about it

SeagullFreeZone · 05/08/2025 21:39

I hope not.
You broke the law.

Trumpthecant · 05/08/2025 21:40

You’re in the wrong

MyAcornWood · 05/08/2025 21:41

Obviously you have no leg to stand on to dispute this, don’t be silly!

CallMeFlo · 05/08/2025 21:42

Youve no grounds for challenging it. Thats the minimum punishment for the offence & whether the guy who photographed you was right or wrong is a different conversation but has no bearing on the fine & points.

Ultimately you knowingly broke the law. Accept the consequences

XenoBitch · 05/08/2025 21:42

No, you broke the law. The fact you were alone with a baby is irrelevant really.
I think it is a sad state of affairs that cyclists feel the need to wear cameras now.

Wolfpinkola · 05/08/2025 21:44

He sounds like a little prick

SeagullFreeZone · 05/08/2025 21:44

From gov.uk

*It’s illegal to hold and use a phone, sat nav, tablet, or any device that can send or receive data, while driving or riding a motorcycle.
This means you must not use a device in your hand for any reason, whether online or offline.
For example, you must not text, make calls, take photos or videos, or browse the web.
The law still applies to you if you’re:

  • stopped at traffic lights
  • queuing in traffic
  • supervising a learner driver
  • driving a car that turns off the engine when you stop moving
  • holding and using a device that’s offline or in flight mode*
allthegoodusernameshavegone · 05/08/2025 21:46

You’re in the wrong, hopefully his actions have prevented you from doing this again and putting lives in danger

SeagullFreeZone · 05/08/2025 21:46

@Wolfpinkola
No he doesn’t.
He sounds like someone who is fed up to the back teeth of selfish fuckers who break the law and risk the lives of other road users.
Good on him.

Gunz · 05/08/2025 21:48

They had to jack the points up as there was too many people using their phone whilst driving. It was also impact your insurance as you will need to declare them on renewal. Just keep your phone in the glove box if you are tempted to look at it.

Mrsttcno1 · 05/08/2025 21:48

Good on him, more people should do the same.

You’ve not got a leg to stand on, you broke the law. Learn from that.

Marmiteontoastgirlie · 05/08/2025 21:48

What a prick! Could you perhaps write in an irate message saying you were intimidated by this man and had picked up your phone to call the police before he cycled off? Could be worth a shot.

PS this is AIBU so be prepared for everyone to flame you. But I occasionally accidentally check my phone if I’ve been sitting at lights for ages in traffic (and then freak out and look around to see if there is a camera watching me and wait for the fine in the post). It’s definitely not worth the worry for me but I do sometimes itch to briefly check a message if I’m very bored and not moving.

Dearover · 05/08/2025 21:49

How would the police officer know if you were a) female or b) had a baby with you without looking into your car.

Being a woman and/ or having a baby in the car doesn't give you a get out of jail free car. You've still broken the law

cyvguhb · 05/08/2025 21:49

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 05/08/2025 21:46

You’re in the wrong, hopefully his actions have prevented you from doing this again and putting lives in danger

Which lives are in danger if a person looks at their phone when stationary at traffic lights?

XenoBitch · 05/08/2025 21:49

I also don't think that 6 points is disproportionate.
It means you can't do it again or you will lose your license.

itsmeits · 05/08/2025 21:51

Dearover · 05/08/2025 21:49

How would the police officer know if you were a) female or b) had a baby with you without looking into your car.

Being a woman and/ or having a baby in the car doesn't give you a get out of jail free car. You've still broken the law

This
Also cars have doors that lock. You can lock yourself in if you feel intimidated.

XenoBitch · 05/08/2025 21:51

Marmiteontoastgirlie · 05/08/2025 21:48

What a prick! Could you perhaps write in an irate message saying you were intimidated by this man and had picked up your phone to call the police before he cycled off? Could be worth a shot.

PS this is AIBU so be prepared for everyone to flame you. But I occasionally accidentally check my phone if I’ve been sitting at lights for ages in traffic (and then freak out and look around to see if there is a camera watching me and wait for the fine in the post). It’s definitely not worth the worry for me but I do sometimes itch to briefly check a message if I’m very bored and not moving.

What will that achieve? He had evidence of her committing an offence.
The fact she felt intimidated etc will not come into it. If she was not looking at her phone, then he would not have filmed her.
And if she was not calling the police to report him, then you are telling her to lie... which is just as bad.

Mrsttcno1 · 05/08/2025 21:52

Marmiteontoastgirlie · 05/08/2025 21:48

What a prick! Could you perhaps write in an irate message saying you were intimidated by this man and had picked up your phone to call the police before he cycled off? Could be worth a shot.

PS this is AIBU so be prepared for everyone to flame you. But I occasionally accidentally check my phone if I’ve been sitting at lights for ages in traffic (and then freak out and look around to see if there is a camera watching me and wait for the fine in the post). It’s definitely not worth the worry for me but I do sometimes itch to briefly check a message if I’m very bored and not moving.

😂😂😂 “accidentally” check your phone as if. 6 points is a good little insurance policy to ensure you don’t do it again, or you lose your licence.

It’s never safe to check your phone while driving- simple :)

ShanghaiDiva · 05/08/2025 21:52

Don’t be ridiculous. She broke the law and you are suggesting she add to this offence by lying about it!
@Marmiteontoastgirlie

ShanghaiDiva · 05/08/2025 21:53

XenoBitch · 05/08/2025 21:49

I also don't think that 6 points is disproportionate.
It means you can't do it again or you will lose your license.

Precisely.

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 05/08/2025 21:54

Yab very u.

CallMeFlo · 05/08/2025 21:55

Marmiteontoastgirlie · 05/08/2025 21:48

What a prick! Could you perhaps write in an irate message saying you were intimidated by this man and had picked up your phone to call the police before he cycled off? Could be worth a shot.

PS this is AIBU so be prepared for everyone to flame you. But I occasionally accidentally check my phone if I’ve been sitting at lights for ages in traffic (and then freak out and look around to see if there is a camera watching me and wait for the fine in the post). It’s definitely not worth the worry for me but I do sometimes itch to briefly check a message if I’m very bored and not moving.

So send a letter to court lying about the circumstances. Fabulous advice considering the guy has probably sent in a recording from his helmet camera which will clearly show she had her phone in her hand when he turned to her car

Bottom line is SHE BROKE THE LAW

samarrange · 05/08/2025 21:55

cyvguhb · 05/08/2025 21:49

Which lives are in danger if a person looks at their phone when stationary at traffic lights?

Show quote history

The driver is meant to be paying attention to the traffic situation at all times, including when stopped.

For example, say the lights start to change and the driver misses them going from red to red-and-amber, thus also missing the chance to get mentally prepared for them to go green. She looks up, sees the lights are now green (maybe under even more pressure after just being honked from behind), jettisons her phone, and sets off. But some pedestrian coming from the right decided to try and scuttle across the road just after the pedestrian light went red. The driver's complete lack of situational awareness means she is a thousand times more likely to hit that pedestrian. Had she been watching the road, the pedestrian would just have received a muttered FFS from the driver, not a broken pelvis.

Kibble19 · 05/08/2025 21:56

I wonder if it was that Cycling Mikey (I think that’s the name) who’s always doing this.