Abroad with only child and feel like I'm not entertaining enough??

[Pondering455]

Me and my husband are blessed with a wonderful son. I always wanted more children but secondary infertility put a stop to this. But of course we are immensely happy with the one we have!

I'm currently abroad visiting my family and we've been to the swimming baths today. Everywhere I look it seems there are siblings and I constantly feel that me and husband aren't enough entertainment for my son, though he seems happy enough with us.... I kind of wonder if anyone is looking at me and thinking he should have a sibling to play with- is this just me projecting?? When we are at home in England were often out with friends children so it doesn't really feel that way.....

You’re projecting. I expect it’s left over emotion about the infertility. I wonder if any counselling would help?

It’s much more common to have 1 and done through choice nowadays.

I have an only and he chose only independently so it wouldn’t have mattered how many others we had or were with!

How old is your son?

Is he outgoing enough to make his own buddies on vacation?

My brother was much older than me and was never forced to be my childcare or companion. That's probably one of the reasons we grew closer the older I got.

I have two dc they enjoy being by themselves, together and also hanging out with cousins or friends. There are advantages and drawbacks to every setup don’t overthink your own.

I have two and they squabble ALL the time.

Eldest would be very happy as an only.

Younger one loves company, but even so, prefers seeing friends 10000% to her somewhat tetchy older sibling.

The parents with onlies who choose holidays with other kids around - a lot of that will be because they don’t want the full burden of entertaining their child! Not because their child has said they need others.

We are a family of 3 (with a 6 yr old) and we travel a lot. Always have a blast. First poster doesn’t know what they are talking about 🤣
we have quite a few friends with 2 kids where they split the siblings (1 parent 1 child) otherwise it’s a constant war or they just have very different interests 🤣. I know which scenario I prefer!

What an absolute d**k thing to say to someone. Would you tell someone who had lost a child and therefore only had one, the same thing?

DD is 15 and just this week she told me that seeing big groups of kids when on holiday makes her feel lonely. It was fine when she was little but it’s been getting harder. She’s looking forward to our holiday but she definitely prefer going to quieter, less crowded places. She really enjoyed the one time we went on holiday with another family.

(We also have one not by choice. So not much we can do about it.)

The poster is probably someone that has had 4 pregnancies all conceived within 3 months of trying and have never had any struggles, who looks down on people who have one child.

Christ, what a charitable dickish response.

My husband and I decided not to have another child because it would have put us under financial strain. This decision bothered me for a good 5–6 years, but recently, I’ve started to feel really glad that we didn’t have another one.

My soon-to-be 10-year-old daughter seems to enjoy being an only child. She often says she’s glad to be the only child because she gets all of Mum and Dad's attention.
I like our small, close-knit family. We spend a lot of time together—going on holidays, camping, playing board games at night, and so on.
I believe spending quality time with your child is more important than having siblings.

We have 1 child. IVF so another wasn't an option. We don't have many friends with small children so we don't have those big group outings and holidays everyone else seems to be mentioning. Our DC plays with other children several days at childcare and we go on outings and to activities etc on the other days.

I have an older sibling who was awful to me until I was 15, so personally I don't see having sibling as a guaranteed play mate!

The first reply sounds like someone who lets the older siblings do the parenting under the guise of bonding.

I was in a similar position. My two elder sisters were born close together then a big gap before I was born. Ten years between me and the eldest. By the time I was really aware of anything they were teenagers and I was still at primary school when they both left home. Hence, most of the family holidays I can remember and much of my childhood I think I was in a similar position to an only child. I honestly never minded at all. I had my parents attention and I was also pretty good at entertaining myself.

I had one DD myself (IVF and then didn't want to try again). I really don't think she felt lonely ever. She had lots of attention from us and smashing holidays. In fact, she would often elect to come away with us right in to her 20s. Throughout her childhood we did lots together as a family and I think we had a closer relationship than many people I know with multiple children. Whenever we were out with other families with more than one it always felt like siblings spent all their time falling out and competing with each other for their parents' attention!

This!
Mine used to argue so much even on holiday I was in despair! So we holidayed with other people anyway.

I'm sure your son is fine. It's what he knows and when he's older you can always take a freind along too.

We took the youngest with a freind when the oldest wasn't wanting to come along anymore - it was great!

I voted yanbu only because I also have an only, and know this getting so well. It's hard work. And you feel guilty even though it's not your fault.

I was effectively an only child. My mum was a single mum so she used to team up with another DC my age when we went away. It did make it more fun.

Also have an only boy here who is 6! Would have loved more like yourself but infertility put a stop to that (our son is adopted and we wouldn’t put him through the process again).

I project like yourself but then I take a look back and see how much fun my son does have on holiday. We spend a lot of time with him playing, days out and adventures. He also always makes friends on holiday! He’s naturally quite shy but (with encouragement and help) he makes holiday friends (especially when we go camping) so he really does have the best of both worlds!

Having one when you originally had images of a much bigger family does make you question everything but the reality is the family you have right now is perfect. Every family, whether they have 1 or 6, is just trying their best and raising their kids within the situation they have. You’re doing great!

Christ - there is always one!! How was that helpful in anyway?

You are absolutely more than enough for your son, you are his world and he will love spending time with you.

We only have one, also due to sadly not conceiving again. My child is very good at approaching random children in the park etc and playing with them, so that helps, but I've taken dc on holiday multiple times (sometimes just the two of us), and I think we've had a fantastic time. DC seems very happy.

I don't actually know many people who holiday with other families - I like the idea in theory, so maybe I'll try in the future.

I also keep in mind that I have a sibling and we'd fight and bicker the entire time as tweens/teens. I think we'd have had better holidays without each other. My parents certainly would. Many parents I know with two children seem to have similar issues. I think you're only seeing the idealised version in your head.

You’re a dick.

No two DC are alike. Where one only child might be bored with adult company and long for siblings (at least the idea of them!) another will be revelling in the privilege of being their parents sole focus of attention, and thoroughly enjoy adult company. My youngest DS had two siblings, but never had the slightest interest in playing with them. He always wanted to be around adults and a holiday alone with both parents would have been his idea of heaven. Your DS is happy, and he knows no different don't forget, so try to enjoy the family you have rather than worrying about the one you don't. Only children are very common these days so I can't imagine anyone gives it a thought.

None of the people I know with only children - and of my friends who have kids, about two-thirds of them only have one - seem to have this problem. They certainly don't go holidaying with other families. Sure, their kids socialise with friends and so on, but no more than kids with siblings do.

One of my nephews, now a young adult, recently told me that he spent his whole childhood wishing he didn't have siblings so he could just chill and do his own thing instead of having other kids in his face all the time.

DS is an only he quite often make friends on holiday play with them for a bit then come back to us and say I've had enough of that now, siblings don't get to do that! I know I have one. We also do plenty with him and holiday more often than we could if we had multiple. There are plenty of benefits to be an only, DH was one and thoroughly enjoyed it

How do you know all the kids together were siblings? And surely he can just join in and play with them? Lots of kids don't want to play with their siblings, they just have no choice. Or they are too different in age or interests.

Don't think he's missing out on anything. Encourage him to make friends with other kids wherever he goes. And invite a friend to join him on days out or holidays. Then the friend's family will reciprocate.

I felt like a sibling to a couple of my friends, two sisters. I was the middle one when I spent time with them.

I was an only child and definitely did not want a sibling! I loved holidays with my parents especially when I was young; when I was getting older from about 13/14 my mum and dad offered for me to bring a friend with me and I much preferred that to having a sibling with us.