People with sensory processing needs and public

[Hiddendisability12]

I'm not tying to bash People wih disabilities. I work with people wih Autism so I'm not sure if I'm missing something. I'd been to he toilet at a local leisure centre, washed my hands and there was another woman in there one child with her and one on the toilet who she was talking to. The little boy looked about 5 and had a green lanyard round his neck. I honestly didn't think anything of it and assumed it was something to do with his session time at the leisure centre we were in.
I went and dried my hands at which the little boy put his hands to his ears and started a complete meltdown. I stopped but the hand drier carried on. Mum lost her shit altogether and told me I should know better than to use a hand dryer around a child wih sensory integration disorder. I should have been able to tell by the green lanyard? Has anyone heard of this colour coded lanyard thing and how are people supposed to know what they mean am I some ignoramus?

I hate those dryers. Can't bear them.
Its a bit weird that this woman expected you to know that

I’m autistic and really really struggle with handryers to the point I often have to use the disabled toilets and I still would have no clue what a solid green lanyard meant. She was probably just having a serious off day and stressed, I doubt she actuallt expects people to not use it/know what the lanyard is normally

I have ADHD, my daughter has ASD. It would never occur to me not to use the hand dryer if I wanted to if I saw a lanyard. As it happens, I don't use them as I don't like the way my fingers feel when drying from them. 😂

My children have had to get used to them - my daughter with ASD and the others. I

So when ds was small I used to flick the switch on the wall above the hand drier in the local cafe as we went in so nobody could turn it on until we left (I’d put it back on as we were going)

but ds hated the drier and there was a wall switch (it was an old one) and we were in & out quickly and I am a CF at times 😆

no way would I shout at someone for using a hand drier tho

as pp’s have said don’t take it to heart

My son has SPD. When he was little and I had to take him to the loo, he wore defenders or I covered his ears. It’s a parent’s responsibility to manage their child. I wouldn’t have dreamt of telling somebody off for using a hand dryer. In terms of lanyards, I think you’re referring to the sunflower lanyard which is green but has sunflowers on it. Not everybody will realise what it’s for.

I'm fully aware of it but it was plain green with no pattern at all. Apparently there's some colour code I've googled it but no joy.

No, I can’t find anything either, apart from the sunflower ones.

I had a google too. Nothing. It sounds like the mum was just frustrated, but she should not have taken it out on you, nor expect anyone to understand some non-existent rule about coloured lanyards.

I have a friend who is autistic and wear the sunflower lanyard. One time, he absolutely blasted a shop assistant for not smiling at him... said she should have realised he was autistic because he was wearing a lanyard. He had no card on it... just his keys.
The sunflower lanyard can be anything at all. I know people who wear one who have chronic pain, limited sight, anxiety etc. It is just a way to show that you might need some assistance or extra time. It is not a way to bend the behaviour of people around you.

She sounds like a completely overwhelmed mum who was exhausted and at breaking point.

The lanyards aren't colour coded. You weren't to know so did nothing wrong.

Just be grateful you're not dealing with an autistic child who has meltdowns every day like she almost certainly is and move on.

DGD is awaiting assessment for ADHD and has always hated hand dryers in public loos. When she was very small she would have a complete meltdown but as she got older she would just complain that it was too noisy and put her hands over her ears (and still does at nearly 8). Many a time I have been with her and this happens I have had to put my own hands over her ears so that she can wash hers! I don't expect other people to magically know about her sensitivities and not use the dryer.

The mother should have been in the disabled loo if the hand dryers are that much of a problem. Its what I do for the same reasons.

I agree no need for OP to feel bad but cut the poor mother some slack, we all have a breaking point.

I was in a busy stations one day when a man dashed past probably racing for a train. He bumped me slightly and my coffee splashed on my hand. I shouted at him (mortified thinking about it) and then burst into tears. He probably thought I was mad or crazy but he can't know I was miscarrying a much wanted baby, wanted to get home and lie in bed wallowing in my pain and misery.

Who knows what that woman was dealing with so I won't condemn her. OP of course you aren't an ignoramus.

If my child did this around hand dryers I’d spend my life avoiding hand dryers.

Bit awkward if your other child needs the loo. What a choice one child wets or soils themselves if the other might have a melt down. I know which I'd choose.

She needs a radar key. Separate toilet. They exist for a reason.

not to derail but I’d always check with the person

Autism is not the biggest part of my identity, being black/mixed is, and it is the first thing people notice and respond to. Therefore I often think of myself as Black/Mixed person who also has Autism/ADHD rather than an Autistic Black/Mixed person. If that makes sense.

I wouldn't know what a green lanyard meant, and even if I did I wouldn't know what I'm allowed to do. Is flushing the toilet an acceptable noise? Running the tap? Closing the cubicle door too hard? My phone ringing? Hand dryers are an expected noise in a public toilet.

I think SHE was being unreasonable expecting you to a) have noticed the child was wearing a lanyard and b) expecting you to know what it means.

He isn't your child, it's a public place with public facilities that you're entitled to use. If the child struggles with this the Mum would've needed to plan another activity

How refreshing to hear a parent who is proactive about taking measures to mitigate their child's problem rather than expecting the general public to immediately know what your child's particular issues are.
Solves the problem without resorting to multicoloured lanyards that haven't real meaning.
Prevents the subsequent inappropriate rant from the "entitled" parent.
Again, well done Toddlerandthecat

You didn't do anything wrong and you couldn't have known, I would have had no idea. The mum should have politely asked you not to use the drier till she got the child out of the way, or else taken him in the disabled toilets instead.