People with sensory processing needs and public

[Hiddendisability12]

I'm not tying to bash People wih disabilities. I work with people wih Autism so I'm not sure if I'm missing something. I'd been to he toilet at a local leisure centre, washed my hands and there was another woman in there one child with her and one on the toilet who she was talking to. The little boy looked about 5 and had a green lanyard round his neck. I honestly didn't think anything of it and assumed it was something to do with his session time at the leisure centre we were in.
I went and dried my hands at which the little boy put his hands to his ears and started a complete meltdown. I stopped but the hand drier carried on. Mum lost her shit altogether and told me I should know better than to use a hand dryer around a child wih sensory integration disorder. I should have been able to tell by the green lanyard? Has anyone heard of this colour coded lanyard thing and how are people supposed to know what they mean am I some ignoramus?

Oh. Maybe see does.

I have also seen pretty much exactly this story on other forums over the past five or ten years, and not just British ones either, which leads me to believe it's actually a recycled urban myth.

Some loos don't have sinks though, and instead have the holes in the wall where the soap, water, and dryer are all automatic when they detect hands in there. You can't stop the dryer once you have started it all off. If that makes sense.
Personally, I hate them as none of the parts go on long enough.

Many regular 5 year olds dislike those hand dryer noises nevermind kids with SEN

It would be weird to stare at a random child enough to look for a lanyard. Why would you ever pay attention to that.

She is entitled and ridiculous. As a parent of a son with autism who hates handryers as well, I think she is an idiot.

I always question who's needs come up top trumps....

Surely they can't expect to inconvenience everyone for doing something quite normal (drying your hands) just because their child doesn't like it. I don't see why she could not have just removed the child from the situation.

I wouldn't know what the green lanyard meant.
I also would remove my child if I knew that another person was about to use the hand drier, it's not unobvious.
I also wouldn't "lose my shit" if my child was having a meltdown, because surely that just adds to the teaching that it's ok to lose your shit to get what you want?

Did you ask her how on earth was I supposed to know?

Green with sunflowers means hidden disability, but not everyone knows that so she was a OTT to start shouting at someone. My child is the same with hand dryers but it’s expected that it might happen when going into a public toilet.

I was told the opposite by a social worker who was working locally. She said something like they aren't a disabled person, they are a person who happens to have a disability so you say a person with a disability.

Now wondering if I've been doing it the wrong way round.

YANBU. If her child can't cope with hand dryers they should be in the disabled toilet where other members of the public aren't going to come in and set the dryer off.

Maybe she should have got ear defenders for him or said to you as you washed your hands ?

Well I feel a bit relieved. I've been using what the social worker said as I thought she'd know what was correct. Now hearing that is wrong. It is so hard when you try your best isn't it but if it's good enough for your son it's good enough for me. I wish I could that social worker who gave me a right lecture.

I agree with you, your son can call himself whatever he likes. My husband is disabled and walks with two sticks, when he goes out with his similarly disabled friend they refer to themselves as "lollipop men" i.e. men on sticks. I've told him it might offend some people but he says he will call himself whatever he likes.

Idiot woman's reaction probably upset the child more.

If this really happened, exactly how you say it did, then the mum was overreacting the teeniest bit.

That doesn’t mean other people shouldn’t use them.

I think she should have asked you to not use the hand dryer, and probably reacted out of frustration at herself for not thinking to do so. I'm sorry she was rude to you, it wasn't your fault.

I wish more toilets were made without hand dryers, my daughter hates them (she has autism).

YANBU at all. She was well out of order. However, I would feel sorry for her. That incident was possibly the difference between a tough day and a day or series of days of hell. Of course she shouldn't have blamed you but having been in her position, she may have been in a heart pounding sweaty palm state of stress already and the sound of the dryer was like her worst nightmare. I remember times where I silently let tears roll down my face when someone came out of the toilet at exactly the wrong moment and touched the dryer, because all my plans were thrown out for a few hours and sometimes for days if nap times and eating times went askew, inevitably resulting in another stressful sleepless night.

And aren't they supposed to spread germs and bacteria? I avoid them because of that but don't know the science.

I completely agree

Absolutely not your fault; even if it was a universally recognised lanyard like the green sunflower ones they simply signify a person may need extra assistance but don’t state why/ how so you couldn’t assume from a lanyard whether somebody is okay with hand-dryers or not. Presumably you washed your hands before using the dryer so there was plenty of time for the mum to politely explain her son’s aversion to them and request you don’t use it or wait until they leave, it’s absolutely on her if she didn’t do this and just expected you to know not to use it! Even if he’d had a big label on him saying ‘do not use hand-dryers around this child’ she still should have mentioned it because you can’t assume somebody has seen it, you could be visually impaired for all she knew.

FFS. What a silly thing to say.

Notice a lanyard - why are you staring, weirdo?

Don’t notice a lanyard - why aren’t you paying attention, I’m wearing it for a reason!

Whatever someone does, it’s wrong. Can’t win with some people.

YANBU. If her DS can’t cope with a hand dryer she needs to take him in to the disabled loo. You haven’t done anything wrong.

There's no "wrong way". You say it how you wish