People with sensory processing needs and public

[Hiddendisability12]

I'm not tying to bash People wih disabilities. I work with people wih Autism so I'm not sure if I'm missing something. I'd been to he toilet at a local leisure centre, washed my hands and there was another woman in there one child with her and one on the toilet who she was talking to. The little boy looked about 5 and had a green lanyard round his neck. I honestly didn't think anything of it and assumed it was something to do with his session time at the leisure centre we were in.
I went and dried my hands at which the little boy put his hands to his ears and started a complete meltdown. I stopped but the hand drier carried on. Mum lost her shit altogether and told me I should know better than to use a hand dryer around a child wih sensory integration disorder. I should have been able to tell by the green lanyard? Has anyone heard of this colour coded lanyard thing and how are people supposed to know what they mean am I some ignoramus?

I only know of the sunflower lanyard.

The mothers was wrong to have ago at you and could have side something to you prior to you using the dryer. However, I guess she was just having a tough day, and was at the end of her tether.

So is my daughter. Sorry the social model is about the fact that the barriers disabled people face are with the world and society, not themselves.

I know not everyone uses it, but most disabled people and organisations and campaign groups do. Sorry for mentioning.

Both of mine hated the dryers at a young age, and I don’t think it’s uncommon as I've heard other mothers in the toilets saying “no, I won’t turn the dryer on, don’t worry” and had women ask me when washing their hands “is she ok with the dryer” indicating my DD even when I haven’t said anything (I never asked anyone not to use it).
But I don’t think any of that means you should automatically be aware and not use them due to a green lanyard. A lanyard indicating additional needs could mean anything!

Sunflower lanyards are very common now and I’m surprised that someone who works with autistic people doesn’t know about them. But then I am also surprised you’re using the term people with autism rather than autistic people.

But no the Mum should have taken the child to the disabled toilet or encouraged her child to use ear defenders.

You mean the disabled people who are able to take part in these organisations? The ones who are communicative and have the time, ability and interest to dictate how other people refer to their disability? That isn't all disabled people and you'd hope these organisations would know better than to try to speak for everyone and especially those who they can't have a shared experience of the disability with.

Ok, I’ve said sorry.

You did nothing wrong.

I automatically don’t use the hand driers now because I know how much many people with autism hate them but I wouldn’t judge anyone who did use them as that’s what they are for.

as for the sunflower lanyard in my view it’s a waste of space now as it’s pretty meaningless as it is meant to cover a whole host of things.

Just had a quick Google and all I keep bringing up is the sunflower lanyard, which means ‘hidden disability’. Some have an explanation on the tag - deaf, autistic etc - but that’s it, and if you can’t see this, how are you supposed to know. Sorry to say that even if I saw ‘Sensory issue ’ listed, I wouldn’t immediately think ‘Hand dryer’. Everyone is different.

If the mother wanted you to delay using the hand-drier she should have asked. You aren't psychic.

I know about the various models of disability. Some of those with severe disabilities need a lot more than removal of barriers in society eg a cure/ medication...

Sharing a diagnosis doesn't mean you can dictate language in the same way me or my son can't dictate your language.

op states ‘green lanyard’ rather than the sunflower one. I took this to mean something different.

My ds has a sunflower lanyard. It’s a signal of disability.

But even if someone has a lanyard it doesn’t signal what they struggle with. She should have opened her mouth you washed your hands and said “do you mind waiting until we leave before using the dryer as my ds has SI difficulties”

Or used the accessible toilet designed for such matters 🤷♀️

Sorry too just seen this

My DS is the same but we generally use disabled toilets to avoid this.

you didn’t know and shouldn’t be expected to be psychic.

The lady was probably just a bit worn-down and burnt out (caring for an autistic child can be very exhausting and stressful) and unfairly took it out on you when she had to deal with another meltdown. Don’t take it personally.

YANBU but if it’s anything like the hand dryer at the swimming pool I go to, the noise of it cold break through the bloody sound barrier. It’s awful even for me so I just let my hands drip dry and I get (unreasonably) irritated when other people use it.

also I find the ‘with autism’ vs ‘autistic’ argument very interesting. Lots of people feel passionately from each side!

Why?

Not everyone with a disability refers to their disability as a homogeneous group.

My ds is autistic and he’s been told off for saying he’s autistic before and not that he has autism. He can call himself what the fuck he likes!

Hos main disability is a degenerative neuromuscular disability and he’s even been told off for using the term “spasticity” before when that’s the medical term in his diagnosis 🤦🏼♀️

I have a child with sensory processing disorder mixed with other things. And I dont know about the green lanyard. I see people with a sunflower one. But it could be linked to so many things.
I think she is being a bit daft thinking everyone knows what it means . And that you should not make certain noises around her child.
We have used headphones since toddler stage for this reason.
I wouldn't worry about it. She was probably just lashing out as really stressed .

My youngest has issues with hand dryer noise etc. I’ve never once asked someone not to use one or told them off for doing so and I never would. You’re not wrong at all.

Disabled people's organisations don't speak for everyone within their organisation, or everyone with the same disability outside the organisation, or other varieties of people with disabilities. If someone chooses to say they are autistic or a person with autism that's up to them. There are going to be different interpretations of this and I don't think its OK to correct people for which term they use. (Unless they are talking about you and your disabilities, in which case YOU get to choose). In my house, DSs never say they are autistic, they say they have autism.

YANBU. My DD5 finds the noise of hand dryers terrifying, but I wouldn’t go batshit at someone for using one in her presence!! We generally use the disabled loo to make her more comfortable. How on earth does this mother think you should know exactly what disorder her child has simply by looking at a lanyard.

Tough for people born before all this stuff, I'd say.
I would probably lose my shit back.

All she had to do was say please would you not use the dryer when you were washing your hands - what a frankly rude and stupid woman expecting you to be psychic. And I have one with ASD.

I’ve had this on this website before for saying I have ADHD and not ‘I am adhd’. I’ll say what damn well like thanks! And I’m not defined by it. I ≠ ADHD. It infuriates me when we are expected to follow the same line as others with this stuff.

She was a dick. She should have politely asked if you could stop as it was distressing her child. She should have put ear defenders on him in preparation for entering a public bathroom if his sensory issues are so severe.