Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To think it's fine for men to drink whilst their partner is pregnant?

104 replies

Beyoungbefoolishbegappy · 04/08/2025 20:01

I honestly don't know if iabu... happy to take opinions! Friend invited a group of us for dinner- all women invited are pregnant and at various stages of pregnancy. When we arrived DH took some beers along for the men and he was told he couldn't drink them because in friends opinion, if she can't drink whilst pregnant he shouldn't either. In inwardly thought this was nuts- I would never tell DH ( within reason - nobody is approaching their due date or anything and her older dd was home who drives if there was an emergency ) he couldn't drink whilst I can't! Haven't discussed this with the other guests since as I don't want to make a big deal of it but I have been thinking about it! Very unsure of what the consensus would be but aibu?

Yabu men shouldn't drink whilst their wives are pregnant if the wives can't- in it together and all that

Yanbu they're not growing a baby so drinking alcohol shouldn't be banned for them

OP posts:

MrsBucketHat · 05/08/2025 09:33

My husband chose not to drink while I was pregnant but it was entirely his own idea and I wouldn’t have minded either way. He never said that ‘we’ were pregnant though….

ThisLivelyRaven · 05/08/2025 17:53

the person that didn’t allow the drinks to be open led, is very controlling! She chose to get pregnant and the whole world doesn’t have to abide by pregnancy rules just because she is pregnant! Her partner sounds very under the thumb if he agrees to this! Is she controlling in other ways?

RetirementIsGreat · 05/08/2025 18:09

Beyoungbefoolishbegappy · 04/08/2025 20:19

Lmfao yes he does say that

Show quote history

I hate when s guy says 'we're pregnant' I want to ask when he is due to deliver and if their delivery dates are close to each other. How does it feel to be a pregnant male? Are you ready for all the pressure like TV, YouTube, etc. 😆 🤣

Dawnb19 · 05/08/2025 18:20

Of course they can enjoy a drink. My partner did no drinking for 4 weeks before my due date though. I was convinced I was about to give birth but all my babies hung on till 39.2 weeks. Although id be annoyed if it was every weekend but occasionally is fine.

JJMama · 05/08/2025 18:29

Friend sounds a bit unhinged; I chose not to drink when I was pregnant but wouldn’t have dreamt of stopping my ex husband. He’s never been a big drinker due to his job, but wouldn’t have thought about asking him to not drink. Same as I didn’t ask him to not eat fish due to mercury - that would’ve been insanity! It was my decision as I was doing what I thought best for babies!

YANBU

roshi42 · 05/08/2025 18:34

Massive eye roll. I was happy to have the odd drink myself when pregnant, never mind policing those not physically connected to me!

DelphiniumBlue · 05/08/2025 18:34

I certainly appreciated DH not drinking when he was with me when I was pregnant. I felt it showed solidarity, and an acknowledgment of what I was having to give up to grow look after our baby. I'd have found it more difficult if he had been sitting there knocking back the wine when I couldn't.
I suppose if in a group of friends half of them aren't drinking, it wouldn't be an issue, but in principle, I wanted DH onside. And he agreed.

roshi42 · 05/08/2025 18:40

roshi42 · 05/08/2025 18:34

Massive eye roll. I was happy to have the odd drink myself when pregnant, never mind policing those not physically connected to me!

In fact the more I think about it, the more annoying that is. I probably would have saved up my one small allowed drink for a social occasion like that only to be told I couldn’t. I’d done the research and made my own choices, thanks!

Teachertired92 · 05/08/2025 18:41

Now I’m near my due date I’ve asked him to stay sober enough to drive in case, but haven’t been bothered the rest of the pregnancy!!

Strawberrryfields · 05/08/2025 18:58

intrepidpanda · 04/08/2025 20:49

It wouldn't bother me but I know if i was pregnant my DP wouldn't drink.
We don't drink if the other is driving either

But why? I don’t understand why you both have to do the same? Isn’t one of the benefits of driving that one of you can have a couple of drinks? Do either of you go out separately for drinks with friends?

My10centsworth · 05/08/2025 19:24

This is over the top and totally controlling. However if the men in question use the expression ‘We’re pregnant’ then no beer for them obviously.😂😂😂

Dontlletmedownbruce · 05/08/2025 19:24

What a controlling idiot! Dh drank when I was pg, whether he did or didn't drink didn't make me feel less pregnant or uncomfortable or anything else, I just don't get the solidarity argument. He wouldn't get completely shitfaced and difficult but that's only fair when one of us is driving or not drinking for any reason. He didn't drink more than 1 towards the end in case he needed to drive to hospital. He had a vasectomy recently and I didn't sit around with an ice pack on my genitals.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 05/08/2025 19:39

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 04/08/2025 22:15

I found it really hard watching my husband drink, I really missed alcohol and watching him enjoy it was a bit tortuous. Like being on a diet and watching someone scoff a takeaway infromt of you. But never told him he couldn't. And even if that was our private agreement I would never invite a guest over and then tell them they couldn't drink the beers that they brought with them, that's really rude

I think thats a good analogy, the diet one. I've often been on a diet and would never ever expect others to compromise on my behalf, yes I feel jealous sometimes but that's life. I've also many a time been on the other side of it. Eating bread rolls in the presence of a coeliac for example. Munching jellies in front of a Muslim who can't have gelatine, or during ramadan and so on. Of course a partner is more than a friend or colleague but I still wouldn't expect them to follow my regime. I'd expect support but not in the form of matching my restrictions.

5foot5 · 05/08/2025 19:43

FluffMagnet · 04/08/2025 21:01

Look, it absolutely sucks to be pregnant, and we often see on Mumsnet the consequences of men having full blown toddler tantrums weeks before their partners' give birth, because it has only just dawned on them that their life (should) be about to change. Also, for some women giving up smoking/alcohol/certain foods is REALLY difficult and frankly I think in those cases it is only fair that they are supported in their struggles by their partner and not have the forbidden fruit flaunted in front of them.

If it works for this couple, good for them and you should be less judgemental of a decision that does not affect you in the slightest.

If it works for this couple, good for them and you should be less judgemental of a decision that does not affect you in the slightest.

But the decision does affect them. Did you not read the OP?

The hostess would not allow her guests to open the beers they had brought along because, in her opinion, if she couldn't drink neither should they. If her husband is happy with this rule when applied to himself then, I agree, nobody else's business. But it seems a bit controlling to dictate to everyone else what they can and can't do.

FWIW I had no problem with DH having a drink when I was pregnant. He never drank enough to be drunk and he was very careful around my due date.

In fact in the later months of pregnancy I had a couple of glasses of wine a week myself.

Bleachedlevis · 05/08/2025 20:15

Dozer · 04/08/2025 20:18

The male host is probably one of those who says ‘WE are pregnant’. Cringe.

If as hosts they wanted an alcohol free evening, they should have made that clear in the invitation. Male host was ridiculous. Those who wanted alcohol could have said something but host made that awkward.

It’s different when prospective fathers get pissed and behave like idiots, with little thought or care for their pregnant partners.

Agree. I hate ‘we are pregnant’ - makes me want to say to say to the father -to-be “Really? Well good luck with pushing an 8lb baby through the end of your todger.”

Helen483 · 05/08/2025 20:47

DH took some beers along for the men and he was told he couldn't drink them because in friends opinion, if she can't drink whilst pregnant he shouldn't either.

DH and I would have left at that point. (Or opened a beer anyway and got thrown out 😄).
Absolutely bonkers!
You need different friends op!

Shotokan101 · 05/08/2025 20:48

If the can't drink then how else can they get to share the joy of morning sickness....? 🤔

Jc2001 · 05/08/2025 20:55

HeddaGarbled · 04/08/2025 20:16

I think it’s OK, but a bit of sensitivity wouldn’t go amiss. Turning up with a load of beers to a do for a load of pregnant women wasn’t kind, IMO.

Well, the OP said some beers not 'a loads of beers'. There's no need to twist what she said. There was nothing unkind about it at all.

LaughingCat · 05/08/2025 22:47

Our NCT group is meeting in a pub now that the course is over…and we’re all approaching due date. None of us are telling our partners they can’t have a drink there! Eye-rolling like mad here.

suitcasesarepacked · 06/08/2025 09:39

I really missed not having a glass of wine at night when I was pregnant. DH stopping as well made it a lot easier for me. I didn’t crave oysters so didn’t have an issue with him eating those when we were on holiday. It’s support, not control. Similarly, when my sister was struggling to lose weight I wouldn’t stuff my face with chocolate in her company - or anything she craved.

Cherrytree86 · 06/08/2025 12:43

I don’t think it does a bloke any harm to stop drinking if his partner can’t due to pregnancy, it’s the least he can do really

BauhausOfEliott · 06/08/2025 13:09

Cherrytree86 · 06/08/2025 12:43

I don’t think it does a bloke any harm to stop drinking if his partner can’t due to pregnancy, it’s the least he can do really

But what does it actually achieve? Surely it just makes two people a bit miserable instead of one.

I can't imagine resenting my partner having something nice just because I couldn't have it myself for a while.

Cherrytree86 · 06/08/2025 13:45

BauhausOfEliott · 06/08/2025 13:09

But what does it actually achieve? Surely it just makes two people a bit miserable instead of one.

I can't imagine resenting my partner having something nice just because I couldn't have it myself for a while.

Show quote history

@BauhausOfEliott

if you feel miserable because you can’t drink alcohol surely there’s a problem …

that’s what women get told after all…

Sweetpea59 · 06/08/2025 14:20

They're being overly precious as well as controlling

lilkitten · 06/08/2025 14:42

That seems weird. Reminds me of the thread on here of the woman who said everyone has to have gluten-free because her child has to, rather than have a variant for the person who needs it. I'm lactose-intolerant, I'd feel weird asking everyone else to avoid trifle because I can't have it. Is the pregnant friend alcohol-dependent, and there's actually a deeper issue here?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5