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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's fine for men to drink whilst their partner is pregnant?

104 replies

Beyoungbefoolishbegappy · 04/08/2025 20:01

I honestly don't know if iabu... happy to take opinions! Friend invited a group of us for dinner- all women invited are pregnant and at various stages of pregnancy. When we arrived DH took some beers along for the men and he was told he couldn't drink them because in friends opinion, if she can't drink whilst pregnant he shouldn't either. In inwardly thought this was nuts- I would never tell DH ( within reason - nobody is approaching their due date or anything and her older dd was home who drives if there was an emergency ) he couldn't drink whilst I can't! Haven't discussed this with the other guests since as I don't want to make a big deal of it but I have been thinking about it! Very unsure of what the consensus would be but aibu?

Yabu men shouldn't drink whilst their wives are pregnant if the wives can't- in it together and all that

Yanbu they're not growing a baby so drinking alcohol shouldn't be banned for them

OP posts:
LouH1981 · 04/08/2025 20:58

Yes, of course! It didn’t bother me at all. I did ask DH to slow down a bit as my due date approached just incase I needed to get anywhere quickly.
Same when I was breastfeeding. No reason why both of us should miss out.

Onionringsarenotforme · 04/08/2025 20:59

It’s nuts and if it bothers the pregnant partner that much they need to re-examine their own relationship with alcohol.

(I do agree that the men shouldn’t be drinking at 40 weeks though when driving to hospital could easily be required!)

FluffMagnet · 04/08/2025 21:01

Look, it absolutely sucks to be pregnant, and we often see on Mumsnet the consequences of men having full blown toddler tantrums weeks before their partners' give birth, because it has only just dawned on them that their life (should) be about to change. Also, for some women giving up smoking/alcohol/certain foods is REALLY difficult and frankly I think in those cases it is only fair that they are supported in their struggles by their partner and not have the forbidden fruit flaunted in front of them.

If it works for this couple, good for them and you should be less judgemental of a decision that does not affect you in the slightest.

NorthLion · 04/08/2025 21:02

Oh my goodness! Ridiculous to say your partner can’t drink! Absolutely overboard ridiculousness to say your guests can’t drink!!

Goldbar · 04/08/2025 21:06

FluffMagnet · 04/08/2025 21:01

Look, it absolutely sucks to be pregnant, and we often see on Mumsnet the consequences of men having full blown toddler tantrums weeks before their partners' give birth, because it has only just dawned on them that their life (should) be about to change. Also, for some women giving up smoking/alcohol/certain foods is REALLY difficult and frankly I think in those cases it is only fair that they are supported in their struggles by their partner and not have the forbidden fruit flaunted in front of them.

If it works for this couple, good for them and you should be less judgemental of a decision that does not affect you in the slightest.

I think there is an element of this. Fine to enjoy a drink, not fine to go on as if your life will be totally unchanged by having a baby while your partner bears the load and makes all the sacrifices.

Outnumbered2v3 · 04/08/2025 21:08

KittyKat2824 · 04/08/2025 20:21

But why?

Show quote history

Why not?

I stopped drinking from 6 months in an over-prepared paranoia that I may need to drive my wife to the hospital at any moment. Which I know is ridiculous but it made me feel better.

Booze is nice, but not having it or being asked to not have it for a rather limited time should not be a problem.
If the partner struggles with that it could be a sign of an alcohol problem.
if he is fine with it, then why should anyone else have an issue?

Ponderingwindow · 04/08/2025 21:15

My husband had to drive me to a&e far too many times so he always stayed ready.

PinkBobby · 04/08/2025 21:15

ohsososo · 04/08/2025 20:07

So should men also not eat shellfish or unpasteurised cheese?
Christ alive some people are mental.

To be fair, this makes more sense to me than a drink 😂

FourIsNewSix · 04/08/2025 21:30

YABU.

Surely, people have right not to drink alcohol for any and no reason. It is bad manners to bring alcohol to home of a couple who don't drink it. If you (your DH) haven't asked whether it is ok (knowing the hostess is pregnant) and presumed, apologize and move on.

I'd hope that an event where female half of the attendees don't drink might be alcohol free just as a sign of basic respect, not many women like being sober around a bunch of (half)drunken men, but some men don't see beyond their booze.

Baby26 · 04/08/2025 21:33

No, that's ridiculous. I'm currently pregnant. My DH enjoys a drink after a day of work, and so he should. I breastfed our last child for 2 year 10 months and so wouldn't drink much (for a couple of years went cold turkey but had a small drink on a couple of occasions later on) so that would be a long time to expect my husband to also not drink!

DiscoBob · 04/08/2025 21:34

Heidi2018 · 04/08/2025 20:57

When we arrived DH took some beers along for the men and he was told he couldn't drink them

Sounds like they were stopped from drinking.

Show quote history

Yeah, I don't agree with that. Each to their own. Don't push drink on people but don't say they can't do it.

KittyKat2824 · 04/08/2025 21:36

Outnumbered2v3 · 04/08/2025 21:08

Why not?

I stopped drinking from 6 months in an over-prepared paranoia that I may need to drive my wife to the hospital at any moment. Which I know is ridiculous but it made me feel better.

Booze is nice, but not having it or being asked to not have it for a rather limited time should not be a problem.
If the partner struggles with that it could be a sign of an alcohol problem.
if he is fine with it, then why should anyone else have an issue?

Show quote history

I don't have an issue with it, was just asking a question.

It sounds a bit overly cautious to me. I think you can have a drink (e.g if catching up with mates) as long as you don't get wasted and have a plan b if your wife needs to go to the hospital.

FourIsNewSix · 04/08/2025 21:40

DiscoBob · 04/08/2025 21:34

Yeah, I don't agree with that. Each to their own. Don't push drink on people but don't say they can't do it.

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Surely, if it is a home of non-drinkers (even temporarily), you wouldn't just waltz in with a booze.

The same way you wouldn't smoke in non-smoker's, bring a dog or bring meat into vegetarian's home (at least not without asking).

Pikachu150 · 04/08/2025 21:41

In general it's fine for men to drink when their wives are pregnant but am I the only person to think it a bit off if it's an event where all women are pregnant? It seems a bit weird that the men will all be drinking but the women aren't.

BIossomtoes · 04/08/2025 21:43

KittyKat2824 · 04/08/2025 20:21

But why?

Show quote history

I don’t understand either. She wasn’t even there at the stag do!

DiscoBob · 04/08/2025 21:48

FourIsNewSix · 04/08/2025 21:40

Surely, if it is a home of non-drinkers (even temporarily), you wouldn't just waltz in with a booze.

The same way you wouldn't smoke in non-smoker's, bring a dog or bring meat into vegetarian's home (at least not without asking).

Show quote history

I don't think drinking your own bottle of beer is the same as smoking indoors or bringing a dog.

The former doesn't put anyone out really. But I guess I would ask/say I wanted to bring booze before doing so. Even if it was just for me.

arcticpandas · 04/08/2025 21:48

intrepidpanda · 04/08/2025 20:49

It wouldn't bother me but I know if i was pregnant my DP wouldn't drink.
We don't drink if the other is driving either

Are you serious? Why not take turns? I thought that was the whole point of having a designated driver.

PollyBell · 04/08/2025 22:00

I would presume as these are adults we are thinking they dont need to be controlled and can drink if they choose too? One of the benefits of being a grown up

outerspacepotato · 04/08/2025 22:11

Being pregnant is not a good reason to control a partner's alcohol intake.

Now, if one is getting close to delivery, I would expect a partner to drink very little alcohol because of the need to drive to the hospital.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 04/08/2025 22:15

I found it really hard watching my husband drink, I really missed alcohol and watching him enjoy it was a bit tortuous. Like being on a diet and watching someone scoff a takeaway infromt of you. But never told him he couldn't. And even if that was our private agreement I would never invite a guest over and then tell them they couldn't drink the beers that they brought with them, that's really rude

Mustbethat · 04/08/2025 22:19

I don’t know. If you’re hosting a party where 50% of the attendees can’t drink, surely it’s reasonable to not serve alcohol at all. It’s going to be pretty shit for 50% of the people there, watching the other half get slowly inebriated.

when you’re sober men who’ve had a few can be insufferable. Especially a few friends egging each other on.

i think the friend did a nice thing. Tbh if i was a pregnant wife i wouldn’t be arsed going if i I knew dh and his mates would be sinking pints while i sat there pregnant and desperate to go home and put my comfy clothes on.

godmum56 · 05/08/2025 09:09

It does seem to me that for a lot of the folk on this thread drinking alcohol and getting drunk are indivisible? I do find that strange.

Peanut91 · 05/08/2025 09:21

Of course my DH can drink while I'm pregnant. I'm not a big drinker anyway so it really doesn't bother me. I'm now 39 weeks and have said the past week (given my two other babies were early) that i would prefer if he remained sober enough to be able to drive me to hospital should I go into labour

Scottishshopaholic · 05/08/2025 09:25

I think it is natural for them to drink less when their partner is pregnant. At least in my case, we went on holiday twice and my partner didn’t have as much as he normally would as didn’t see the point drinking by himself. But he still enjoyed a few drinks which I don’t see the problem with.

I think the problem would be on social occasions where it is entirely based around the drinking, a pregnant woman might be inclined not to bother going, but if the partner continues to go to these things alone problems may arise.

SparkyBlue · 05/08/2025 09:32

That is absolutely nuts yourself and your DH mustn’t have known where to look. I wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face at ridiculous shite like that. This type of controlling tit for tat behaviour doesn’t bode well for the future when they have small children.