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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it's fine for men to drink whilst their partner is pregnant?

104 replies

Beyoungbefoolishbegappy · 04/08/2025 20:01

I honestly don't know if iabu... happy to take opinions! Friend invited a group of us for dinner- all women invited are pregnant and at various stages of pregnancy. When we arrived DH took some beers along for the men and he was told he couldn't drink them because in friends opinion, if she can't drink whilst pregnant he shouldn't either. In inwardly thought this was nuts- I would never tell DH ( within reason - nobody is approaching their due date or anything and her older dd was home who drives if there was an emergency ) he couldn't drink whilst I can't! Haven't discussed this with the other guests since as I don't want to make a big deal of it but I have been thinking about it! Very unsure of what the consensus would be but aibu?

Yabu men shouldn't drink whilst their wives are pregnant if the wives can't- in it together and all that

Yanbu they're not growing a baby so drinking alcohol shouldn't be banned for them

OP posts:
CommentHere · 04/08/2025 20:21

No issue with DH having a few drinks when I was pregnant. He didn't drink from about week 37 onwards just in case we had to make a hospital trip but otherwise no issue.

mathanxiety · 04/08/2025 20:22

The party guests were being silly and precious. Are they the sort of people who indulge their partners with the "we are pregnant" ninsense?

Lavender14 · 04/08/2025 20:23

I'm on the fence.

I had no issue with my ex drinking while I was pregnant up until near the end when I needed to know he could drive us to hospital if I went into early labour. Earlier than that it would never have occurred to me to be annoyed at him drinking. I also wouldn't mind if they wanted to stay out later drinking and I'd just leave them to it and go home to bed when I got tired.

However, I'm also not much of a drinker anyway and I know some women do really miss drinking alcohol while pregnant and if that's the case I can see why they'd not want to be around others who are drinking. I also have a really low tolerance for dealing with very drunk people while sober as let's be honest, they're often melts, plus I deal with it enough in my job. So if my husband has a pattern of getting absolutely hammered, then tbh no I wouldn't really want to deal with that pregnant. I also wouldn't want to be cleaning up sick/ trying to lift him into bed etc while pregnant or risking him falling into me.

But I think a few drinks being reasonably sensible - no problem and suggesting otherwise is a bit controlling.

mathanxiety · 04/08/2025 20:24

I would say once the due date approaches, the partners should stop drinking so they can get the mother to be safely to the hospital. Maybe at 38 weeks or so.

KittyKat2824 · 04/08/2025 20:25

Wait, did the hosts ban everyone from drinking? Or just the host husband?

If it was everyone, that's massively out of order. I couldn't drink earlier this year as was pre op. My two best friends drank two rounds each of my favourite cocktail when we went out for dinner and I couldn't be mad at them, I'd have done the same!

HeddaGarbled · 04/08/2025 20:26

I think it’s comparable to eating a load of chocolate in front of someone who’s struggling to diet. You’d still eat the chocolate, just not wave it in their faces.

GabriellaMontez · 04/08/2025 20:27

I've voted yabu for going along with this.

And for attempting to dictate what is ok for other people.

I can't imagine an adult man complying with such a silly instruction.

MissHollysDolly · 04/08/2025 20:28

ohsososo · 04/08/2025 20:07

So should men also not eat shellfish or unpasteurised cheese?
Christ alive some people are mental.

I might be unreasonable here … but I actually banned Brie etc from the house when I was pregnant - I love my cheese and couldn’t bear to smell it in the fridge. Happy for him to drink whatever he wanted but I wasn’t about to have him eating cheese when I couldn’t

MsNevermore · 04/08/2025 20:29

Of course they can!!

I think the only time I’d say I’d prefer him not to is if my due date was fast approaching or if I was just past it, and he may need to drive with very little notice 🤷🏻‍♀️

TheFormidableMrsC · 04/08/2025 20:30

I pressed the wrong poll button by mistake! It’s absolutely ridiculous to say a man can’t drink while his partner is pregnant. I can tell you what my ex husband did though, and it was 100% abusive behaviour. I love wine but obviously immediately stopped drinking when I found I was pregnant. My ex husband was teetotal. In an absolutely bizarre turn of events, he decided to sit and drink a bottle of wine for almost every evening of the nine months while making “mmm” noises and “shame you can’t have some” etc. The moment I gave birth, he stopped. Had he been a drinker pre pregnancy, there is no way I would have asked him to stop but I really found it difficult to deal with his behaviour during that time! A bit off topic but this triggered that memory!

itsgettingweird · 04/08/2025 20:32

FlyRedRobin · 04/08/2025 20:02

I'm pregnant and I think DH needs more drink than ever to deal with my hormones 😬

When no I was pregnant I actively sent DP to the pub with his mates so I could chill and watch crap TV in peace 🤣

MidnightPatrol · 04/08/2025 20:33

So - banning drinking entirely is unreasonable. Having a few beers is fine. Very weird to go to someone’s house for the evening and be banned from drinking for this reason.

However… I did find being around people boozing quite frustrating during my pregnancies, as you can feel a bit excluded from the fun / drunk people are quite annoying when you are the sober one.

Women go through so much in pregnancy, it always felt like a great injustice my DH could continue to drink as much as he liked, whenever he liked!!

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 04/08/2025 20:34

The one time I did (possibly unreasonably) ask DH not to drink was when we went to a wedding that was an hour's drive from our house. I was 38 or 39 weeks pregnant, and I really didn't want to have to drive home late at night - I knew I'd be tired, and I really hated driving around the city late at night in the dark.

I asked him to stay sober to drive us both home, and he did. His friends thought he was missing a great last opportunity to get drunk. I was grateful as it meant I made to it a wedding I really wanted to go to, and someone was kind enough to drive me home.

WonderingWanda · 04/08/2025 20:36

They can do what they want but they have no right to tell anyone else what to do. I wish your dh had said "Don't be silly" and opened one of his beers.

Cherrytree86 · 04/08/2025 20:42

I dunno, I think it’s good tbh. Showing sensitivity and respect to his partner. Let’s face it, it’s shit not being able to drink when others are. And pregnancy is really hard. So imo least he can do is show a bit of solidarity and not drink around her.

TempestTost · 04/08/2025 20:43

I think it's silly, but on the other hand, there are circles where "having a drink" means getting wasted. People don't just have a drink or two.

If it's the latter situation, I can kind of see it, because it sucks being sober with someone like that.

I've never restricted anything else like cheese or sushi, but if people do I thin it's silly to tell others they can't have them too.

TY78910 · 04/08/2025 20:45

Yeah I agree. In a social setting it’s too much to expect the men not to enjoy a drink. With my first, DP didn’t have a drink at home in the evening like we would sometimes do together ‘in solidarity’ but that was more because he felt he didn’t need to drink on his own, it was our social thing if that makes sense.

TheNightingalesStarling · 04/08/2025 20:47

I craved beer when pregnant.
DH used to take one for the team and enjoy his nightly pint while I sniffed it regularly

Strawberrryfields · 04/08/2025 20:48

I’ve heard of people doing this and just find it weird! I enjoy a drink when not pregnant but it’s not a massive deal to skip it for 9months. I’m not going to begrudge other people just because I can’t for a bit. Them drinking doesn’t affect the baby, me drinking does. Even at my baby shower there was Prosecco and nosecco and it wouldn’t cross my mind that people wouldn’t have some fizz to celebrate!

Agree with others though to lay off it close to the birth.

intrepidpanda · 04/08/2025 20:49

It wouldn't bother me but I know if i was pregnant my DP wouldn't drink.
We don't drink if the other is driving either

Fragmentedbrain · 04/08/2025 20:50

Alcohol at the end of the day is poisonous so it's sensible not to drink it. Maybe some of the men just needed an excuse because British society is so booze soaked.

(I drink like a fish but I also welcome a premature grave)

XenoBitch · 04/08/2025 20:51

Neither vote for me. It depends on the couple and what they agree to.
Some might be ok with the dad still drinking. Some might like for total abstinence. Neither are wrong.

Sometimeswinning · 04/08/2025 20:51

So he’s fine with it. She’s pleased he’s doing it. But she’s batshit and unreasonable. Yeah makes sense!

Heidi2018 · 04/08/2025 20:57

DiscoBob · 04/08/2025 20:20

It's personal. Anyone can drink or not drink for whatever reasons. They're not stopping you from doing so. Just offer the non drinkers a soft drink.

It's no big deal. Surely in many groups people sometimes don't drink.

It doesn't really matter whether their partner is pregnant or not. In fact some pregnant women do drink lightly on social occasions and that's ok too.

Edited

When we arrived DH took some beers along for the men and he was told he couldn't drink them

Sounds like they were stopped from drinking.

Goldbar · 04/08/2025 20:58

HeddaGarbled · 04/08/2025 20:16

I think it’s OK, but a bit of sensitivity wouldn’t go amiss. Turning up with a load of beers to a do for a load of pregnant women wasn’t kind, IMO.

This. Fine quietly to enjoy a drink but ultimately being pregnant is a bit shit, uncomfortable and restricting, and I'd be unimpressed if my OH made a big song and dance about enjoying drinking in front of me while I couldn't. It's about consideration really - if he was otherwise considerate and supportive (and brought me plenty of the things I could still have!), I certainly wouldn't begrudge him a drink but wouldn't expect to have it waved in my face.

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