Ex wants me to pay for kids’ school uniform

[dancingdad]

We are separated and have twins who are starting school this September. I pay her child care each month (£400). She’s sent me a long list of uniform they need for school. Am I right in thinking the child support I pay should go on this?
she has a kid by someone else too and the father was never asked to pay child support so I’m thinking my money will no doubt go on his uniform too!

How’s the process of applying for a C100 to get a lives with order to save your kids from their drug addict mother going for you?

To answer your original question: uniform is expensive. If you think your kids’ mum will use the money on your former stepchild, there is nothing stopping you from taking your DC to the shop and buying it yourself.

FYI - the CMS is the minimim. Nothing stopping you buying more.

So, your ex doesn’t let you take the dc away on holiday for two days or have them sleep over at yours, even though you’re meant to have equal care?

Do you mean you should have the dc 50% of the time, but you don’t?

And your ex is a drug addict?

But you’re happy leaving your dc with her???
OK…

of course you should pay 50% for school uniform. And any other big expenses.

Paying the minimum CMS for your dc is pathetic. You are only paying a small percentage of the cost of bringing them up. Are you happy with that?

Er... what?!

Where are you getting it from that "most" people live within a mile of their school?!

Where are you getting it from that "most" workplaces cover emergency dependants' leave for five days?! (And indeed, how is that relevant? Day to day childcare is not an emergency.)

Where are you getting it from that children only need "an extra half portion at dinner time and a sandwich for a packed lunch"? Do your kids not get breakfast? Snacks? A billion punnets of berries every week? (That might just be my kids TBF.) Cake on their birthday?! My son often eats more than I do.

Where are you getting it from that kids don't increase utility bills?! It must be free to fill the bloomin' bath every night; I must alert my providers!

Where are you getting it from that all clothes/shoes can be bought cheaply from Vinted?! Funnily enough I have never yet found my kids' logo-emblazoned sports kits on there. Not for want of trying, mind.

I'm not commenting on the CMS issue or OP's individual circumstances, but it's crazy to suggest that kids barely cost anything!

It sounds like he’d be happy to? Like their other parent presumably is?

I have stepchildren and we pay for all of that, plus the CMS amount. Most non-residents don’t solely pay CMS for their children.

Yes I think that if the OP got 50:50 his contribution would be more than the ex is suggesting.

I'm not anti-CMS at all. DH pays CM at the required rate. Everyone should, plus expenses for the children whilst in their care. I haven't been a single parent. I know many single parents and it's not easy. It's not the job of ex's to pay the other parent for their rent. They are responsible for half the costs of raising the child.

My own child, raised in a 2 parent family, does not cost £400 a month. Nothing like it. If we split up, £200 would cover half of her expenses easily.

Could you really get by with 2 cardigans for a reception age DC? Mine spills allsorts down theirs so needs a fresh one each day. Plus the school asks for a full set of uniform to be kept at school incase they get wet. We're lucky at our school as they wear their PE kit all day but still need.
4 cardigans (branded £12.50 each)
4 polo tops (branded £8 each)
4 Pinafores (come in packs of 2 at £10 each)
Tights (asda £9)
2 branded PE tops (£13 each)
2 branded PE hoodies (£16 each)
PE shorts (£5)
Satchel (£8)
Draw string bag for spare clothes (£3)
Puddlesuit for forest school (£7 vinted)
Wellies for Forest School (£5 vinted)
PE trainers (£10 asda)
School shoes (around £20)
That's what I've needed for my youngest so for twins it would be double. Plus bigger coat, lunch box for the days she doesn't like the school dinner, water bottle, summer hat, summer dresses etc.

I think the majority of posters here consider their own household bills, without figuring that the other parent would have the same expenses. Why anyone would expect their ex to pay their mortgage or bills is beyond me.

“Her child care” I’m assuming you are both working? Regardless of you being split up, mum and dad are responsible 50/50 with the twins. So this child care will benefit both of you. But child maintenance is usually a small contribution, so if they are starting school then the bill for this will be unfortunately high, why should mum be left to pay it all? Don’t you want your kids to have the best ? Have what they need and more without there being a tally mark ✔️ and making it a competition on who buys or spends more! I would suggest taking the kids shopping and then you can be reassured. Unfortunately I know some mums who don’t prioritise and spend more money on themselves or crap before their kids, but if there’s a chance you can co parent well, and get on? Then do that and try - don’t make assumptions cause £400 isn’t a lot of money!

My own child, raised in a 2 parent family, does not cost £400 a month. Nothing like it. If we split up, £200 would cover half of her expenses easily.

CMS should cover living costs, which does include a proportion of the housing costs, as well as clothes, food and childcare. I think if you added everything up it would come to more than £400 a month.

Well that flies in the face of DfE uniform guidance. Schools should not insist on that much branded wear. I would complain to your MP about that if the Head is refusing to reconsider the policy.

It comes under living expenses. The children are with the ex all the time = living in suitable home with associated costs. If it was 50/50 care then no CMS would need to be paid.

So you've left your small children to fend for themselves with a drug addict...are you absolutely insane?!?!

Have you even been to court? Or do you really care that little about the wellbeing of your children?! There is absolutely no excuse to allow any child to be left with a drug addict...

Or is that the story you tell to make yourself look/feel better? Because I've never yet met a good parent who would allow their child around anyone who is addicted to drugs, let alone abandon their child with one full time.

I do agree that uniforms can be bought from Asda or similar for primary aged kids - but definitely not at secondary for every item required.

We live rurally, and used to be even more rural (I’m now in a hamlet) - the schools were miles away. And yes the kids got free transport but that didn’t cover after school activities so if they were doing something after school I had to go and collect them, from in KS1. At secondary level the school was over 20 miles away and the bus journey was circuitous to say the least. Primary it was 5 miles or so.

If the children are living full time with the other parent the non resident parent should absolutely contribute to the roof over their heads.

Ahhahahahahahhahahah

The school doesn't force branded but my DC would stick out like a sore thumb if they didn't wear the branded items like every other DC in their class.

In circumstances where there are no overnights with the other parent, I think the rate should be higher. But where overnights are shared, why should the non-resident parent have to pay for a bedroom at both houses?

You know that uniform guidance doesn’t cover the whole of the U.K. don’t you? It only applies in England.

You must realise that most people are not spending over £200 on primary school uniform. Most people do not have 4 cardigans/sweaters AND 2 hoodies for a primary school child.

Strange school, no-one wears anything branded except cardigans at DD's school. It's a total waste of money.

I didn't say they should. I am talking about OP's situation. His children never stay overnight with him, his CMS payment therefore covers some housing costs.

At mines primary all the kids wore the maroon “branded” sweatshirt which had the school logo on the front. I couldn’t ever find a supermarket that stocked the same shade of maroon sweatshirt in a plain style. I did look. Often.

I realise that, but a good chunk do have that amount. But I'm not prepared to do daily clothes washes or send my DC to school in filthy clothes.

Hang on a minute, 5 minutes ago these two children were in nursery with completely free childcare and a maximum of two sick days per year and now suddenly they're all grown up at school (in an inexpensive multi-bed house that also bairns to be a stone's throw from a decent school), having no baths, using no electricity, eating but a sandwich (in their paper bag) and half portion of gruel AND not having the temerity to grow out of their clothes and shoes (possibly a link between those last two things - very sensible!). Schrodinger's Child! Where does the time go, eh?

I'm mercifully money-worry free and incredibly lucky in lots of ways, including not being a single parent, but I'm under no illusions about the 'hidden costs' (if you don't think too hard or honestly about it) of children and the myriad ways the principal parent is at a financial and practical disadvantage. Your view of the world sounds extremely sheltered, frankly.

ANYWAY. This bridge is an absolute gem. East river. Main access for commuters from family-friendly Brooklyn into the big city. You could stick up toll booths and make a fortune. Think about it and let me know.