Ex wants me to pay for kids’ school uniform

[dancingdad]

We are separated and have twins who are starting school this September. I pay her child care each month (£400). She’s sent me a long list of uniform they need for school. Am I right in thinking the child support I pay should go on this?
she has a kid by someone else too and the father was never asked to pay child support so I’m thinking my money will no doubt go on his uniform too!

Legally you’re not required to but in years to come the kids will remember when you stepped up or not. If you can afford it I’d pay, £200 per child really doesn’t go far especially if childcare costs involved.

Assuming you’re a good dad I’d consider a court agreement around some overnight access etc.

Typical second wife response.

You don’t know how much uniforms cost, do you? I wonder why that is. Pay up.

They are your children as well as hers. Be a decent dad and support them properly.

Another poster here wondering why you haven’t got 50/50 access - that’s what any decent dad would have petitioned the court for. Never mind the fact you’ve stated she takes drugs - why would you leave your children in that situation. I expect there’s a lot you’re missing out as it just doesn’t add up.

As others have posted, you pay the minimum you legally have to, but it depends if you want to be a ‘dad’ or a sperm donor. The choice is yours.

If your the mother of your children is/was a drug addict then you should be fighting tooth and nail to get your children in your custody 100% of the time. Not quibbling about uniform costs. Clearly your priority is yourself and not your children, you wouldn’t be posting this otherwise.

It’s not. The CMS calculation is based mainly on the income of the non resident parent.

The actual cost of raising the child(ren) doesn’t come into it.

Uniform costs are pretty eye watering depending on the school. This is our last year of buying uniform (youngest year 11 this year), but those years where all 3 needed uniform, especially in secondary, were brutal-£500 easily, including shoes, coats, bags etc.

This year, £120 including the "special" blazer they have to have, but includes shoes/shirts/trousers/tie. Didn't need PE Kit this year.

I'm probably in a minority thinking £400/month is a reasonable contribution (because I wouldn't have totted up general costs of my 3 children as £800/month and it should be half each-plus I am assuming child benefit circa £170 for 2?, so £970?),

If you can afford to buy uniform for them, I would take them shopping for it and buy half at least.

How many jumped to conclusions and judged this dad before knowing more 🤦🏻‍♀️ shameful

you go half on uniform. I look after my disabled child who’s in part time school (3 hours) so I can’t work - my son’s dad can work all the hours he wants. I only get £160 a month from him, he has every other weekend (Friday 6pm - Sunday 12pm) so due to those overnights he gets reduction of £40 in child maintenance a month. I ask him to pay half of uniform, he tells me that he pays maintenance so why should he.

dads can’t seem to grasp that most the time the mum takes a hit at their job to look after the kids, their earning potential is reduced. Then not including sick days for the children. Then baring all costs, travelling to medical appointments, extra bedroom, household costs, food (god food is so expensive for kids daily), entertainment etc. then on top having to bare the full cost of the school uniform??? I ask my son’s dad for half at the beginning of the year, that doesn’t even cover the multiple bits I have to pay throughout such as new jumpers, polos when they get ruined. shorts when summer comes along, new school shoes and pe trainers, things like world book day costumes etc. imagine not wanting to contribute towards the most basic

How many jumped to conclusions and judged this dad before knowing more 🤦🏻‍♀️ shameful

I agree - only paying £400 a month for two children and choosing to leave them with a drug addict mother and barely see them is shameful.

Oh, is that not what you meant? It’s amazing how many women make excuses for fathers who are at best barely adequate. Internalised misogyny in action, I guess.

Just to note everything ‘more’ he has posted makes him come across as worse not better.

I hope this is rage bait otherwise you are a deadbeat who is too wrapped up in loathing his ex-partner to care for his children.

“(I know a man whose ex forced him to go to court to see his child for no good reason).”

this is what my ex told everyone that I prevented him from seeing his child ‘for no reason’. No one knew that he was abusive and I had to go to the police due to him continuing to abuse me during pregnancy, and it was the police who said no to allowing contact. But if you heard his side of the story, everyone believed his victim act of how I was this bitter mother who stopped contact and he was this poor dad who just wanted to see his child.

I guess what I’m trying to say, don’t believe just one side of the ‘story’ if you’ve not heard the other side because it could be exactly like my situation where you’re further abusing the victim who is just doing what’s in the best interest of the children

Child maintenance only covers basic needs housing, food, utilities etc.
It is nowhere near enough to cover actual costs.
However, the resident parents is expected to cover all the other stuff which is so unfair with this mindset, I pay x so I'm out.

If you can afford to do so, you should!
Or at the very least contribute 50% of overall costs.

Uniform for 1 child and school shoes/back to school supplies (water bottle, lunchbox) etc could easily be £400 per child as a one off costs.

If the school demands branded stuff it can be even more costly.

Do your research. Check out school uniform policy. Look at what a full set of everything for 5 days a week would costs plus a few spares and it'll answer the question for you.
Times by two as you have twins!

Kids are so expensive 🫰🏻 if you're worried about misuse. But the actual uniform in their sizes and give it to them.

No, you're attempting to manipulate what I said to suit your own agenda...but it's not going to work.

£2,400 per year would not cover half of a child's basic needs (housing, water, warmth, clothes, food) , that's what I have said and that's what I stand by. The OP was clear he doesn't have any overnights and that's what the PP was basing her theory on, so that's where the figure came from, are you keeping up?
If the children aren't staying with NRP overnight then they do not require a bedroom, therefore you can have a smaller house and lower bills, whereas the RP has to have bedrooms, beds, bedding, the heating on in the winter, all of the clothes they wear etc...do you see the difference, or are you going to close your eyes put your fingers in your ears and cry "lalala" because the facts don't suit your narrative?

You rushing on here to shout about how much your husband pays (fantastic for his children, they are very privileged - you're clearly bitter about the fact he's ensuring they're finically stable though - says a lot about you as a person) and complain that it's too much and they can't possibly need it...has zero relevance to the point the PP and I were debating...which is £2,400 a year is not enough to cover half of a child's needs if you don't do overnights.
Do you now understand that the amount of overnights your DH does or how much he pays will never be relevant to that point - because the basis of the debate was zero overnights and a £2,400 yearly total?

Anyone could come on here and say "well I do x overnights and pay y amount so it's not fair" and that would also be irrelevant!!
And as a side note, if your DH is earning enough that CMS have said he has to pay £500 per month then he's on a pretty good salary - and only paying £6,000 per year for 3 children that he has for less than 1/3 of the year. According to FC and CMS if they are only staying over 100 nights per year they are not deemed as requiring a bedroom - a sofa bed would suffice, you should absolutely be providing clothes, haircuts and childcare if you need it - any clubs, sports & equipment, tv subs, larger car and lessons are a choice, CMS aren't saying he has to do those things, he's choosing to - so you don't get to offset housing costs and choices your making to claim you're paying to much.

Here's some perspective for you, seeing as you seem to think you're paying too much...
The average cost of raising a child in the U.K. is £14,000 per child, per year, that's a base rate...so your £2,000 per year, per child doesn't even touch the sides...and RP also has to take every school sick day if you only have them wknds and hols, so don't forget that little gem!
Honestly do not understand step parents who begrudge their DSC a decent upbringing - my DSS gets everything he needs in our home and we still pay his BM CMS, despite the fact he's with us 3 nights per week every week. I cannot imagine sitting down and writing out all the things we do for him and parading it around like we're heroes for doing the same for him as we do for the others, literally just the bare basics of being good parents...it's so distasteful.

If the situation played out as you claim it did (seen that excuse too many times on mumsnet for it to be the truth every time) then your DH and yourself could have moved - seeing as the money bothers you oh so much, it's not like he hasn't had several years to find a suitable job and home - but you don't want to do that, so don't then moan about the money...because there are always options for people who genuinely want to be with their children...the excuses are often easier though 🤷🏻♀️

Your £400 includes everything so you technically don’t need to contribute but my view is that as school uniform is an item that goes between houses and you should go halves but that’s up to you. My ex buys trousers, shirts and socks for his house but goes halves on blazer, tie, shoes, coat, backpack and PE kit. We buy the same size trousers and shirts from the same shops so it doesn’t matter if they get mixed up between houses

Also CMS isn’t meant to “cover everything”. It’s reduced for the number of days the kids are at the NRPs. So they’d still have to provide clothes for the days the children are setting off for school from their house.

If you don’t have them any days they’re setting off for school, then you’re incredibly lucky/ not doing the hard parts of parenting!

Yes of course you should! Do you realise now expensive kids are??

I think he meant to write child support.

Let's be honest he's probably paying a lot more maintenance than some deadbeats pay for their kids. £400 per month probably doesn't sound like a lot to some but there's a lot of mums out there don't even get that(my ex only pays £29 per month for our son as he doesn't work and contributes nothing else) to make it fair OP could offer half of the uniform costs for his twins. The mum will be getting her benefits for the kids(OP has already stated she's a drug addict so I can only guess she may not be working and he's already stated that the £400 per month is what is ordered by CMS). Personally you could maybe go out and buy the uniform items yourself so you know that the money has been spent on the kids and not funding her drug habit.

Shut up talking to me like I’m stupid you saddo I’ve already corrected my mistake so get down off your high horse

The £400 each is £200 father £200 mother pwur child

Lol, you should be paying the £400 a month plus half of what their uniform is going to cost. Uniforms are expensive. I've spent around £500 on my two for uniform.

I don't. I'm aware of both sides in the case in question. Even the woman's parents thought she was being very unreasonable.

The child is an adult now with a good relationship with their Dad.

Oh fgs pay up! Your half is 200. If you're lucky that will last them the year. Do you want your kids to go to school looking smart or not? Just be grateful you're at being asked to sew on all the name tapes too!!
What your ex does or does it do about the other child is none of your concern.
Focus on your own children. Can see why you're her ex.