Ex wants me to pay for kids’ school uniform

[dancingdad]

We are separated and have twins who are starting school this September. I pay her child care each month (£400). She’s sent me a long list of uniform they need for school. Am I right in thinking the child support I pay should go on this?
she has a kid by someone else too and the father was never asked to pay child support so I’m thinking my money will no doubt go on his uniform too!

Thunderous applause

That’s what you got told to pay? Not ‘that’s every penny I can scrape together for my children to give them the best I can afford’ but ‘That’s what I got told to pay’.

And your conscience is ok with that, is it? Just paying the minimum allowed by law? I mean, you left them in the care of a drug addict who wasn’t fit to be your partner, but is apparently fit enough to raise your children and magic up two school uniforms after she’s paid out living expenses from your contribution, so I don’t know why I’m surprised.

You give her an absolutely piddling amount of money each month and you think that, not only should that include school uniform, but that she’ll probably be able to get a third child’s uniform out of your cash as well? 😂 You’re delusional. And it’s not ‘your money’. It’s your responsibility to provide financial support for your children. Stop talking like you’re doing her a favour.

No, it covers 85%. You're right, if that is what you choose to spend it on then of course you can, but CMS is also to provide towards the living costs of the child

You need to get your visitations looked at and if she’s a drug addict are the kids safe?

@cool4cats2020

He’s not paying £400 per twin, totalling £800. He’s paying £200 per twin, totalling £400. And out of that, he thinks that he’s covering his share of their living expenses and is expecting their mum to use whatever’s left to buy two lots of secondary school uniforms for them. And he thinks she’s going to have enough left over to use ‘his’ money to buy a uniform for her other child as well.

@dancingdad what an absolute piss take !
I have no more words I can type or that would get through to you .
Cant believe two kids have you as a poor excuse of a father

She done well !

Is this rage bait? You pay for absolutely sod all with your contribution. Be an actual man. Do you not want your kids to go to school smart? Do you want them to watch their mum scrimp because their dad was a selfish deadbeat ? How much do you think they would cost if you were there? Wasteman

Man up and stop moaning. You fathered two dependent children.

You're doing the right thing paying child support for your children's maintenance - though I can't imagine it covers half.

And you're not paying 'her' childcare, you're paying your children's childcare.

The uniform costs are extra, as are all school expenses that you're going to be encountering as they grow up, so start budgeting. Children are expensive and a responsibility.

You should be paying your half. Asking for receipts - or even sharing the parenting and taking them shopping yourself - is reasonable to keep track.

And it's none of your business what the arrangements are for her other child.

Buy the uniform for one twin and let mum buy the other. I wouldn’t give money but send the items home with kids.
secondary uniform is expensive and the government is trying to reduce the costs but academy schools go mad for uniform.

go to court and get a proper custody arrangement in place. Don’t be dictated you as you both have parental responsibility if on birth certificate and without a court order the mum can’t stop you taking kids on holiday in UK.

It boils my piss to see "parents" arguing to pay the absolute bare minimum for their kids, because "CMS told me that's all I need to pay". CMS are monumentally shit, so meeting their ridiculously low standards hardly puts anyone in the running for Parent Of The Year!

I struggle to buy the whole "my ex won't let me see the kids" line, though, because I know that's what my ex says, too, whilst failing to disclose that social services were going to remove our kids if I gave him access without a CAO. All he needed to do is fill out Form C100, pay £263, & a judge would likely have awarded him a minimum of 50/50 custody without too much argument. However, like many parents, he also knew that 50% of the responsibility is actually far more costly than that "extortionate" CMS calculation. If this Dad has a CAO in place, he needs to ask a court to enforce it. Mum could then earn more than £400pm working in that time off from parenting!

You pay £50 a week for each child and you seem to think that’s generous? Bloody hell, buy the uniform, take them yourself and sort it too. This is pathetic.

Depends if it's high school as they dictate what is branded. My DD has to have all branded items except for shirt.

£50 a week per child! You’re having a laugh. You should be ashamed to say it. Put your hand in your pocket and start paying a decent amount for your children. Then take the children out and get everything they need to start a very important, next chapter in there lives.

When my parents divorced, my father made sure me and brothers and my mum were well homed first before he sorted his housing. He then paid support and school uniforms and school shoes without quibbling because he knew that we needed that. Mum worked in low paid jobs as she'd been a stay at home mum. He's 90 now. My mum is 85. I talk to them both every other day if not every day (I'm in my 50s). Your children will grow up to be adults....what sort of relationship are you hoping for with them? I admire and respect and love both of my parents. They were not right for each other but they both did their best by us.

"Included in what I pay." Your kids aren't a package holiday.
What she's asking for is totally standard.
And the "long list" of uniform they need isn't set by her, the school decide what the uniform is, maybe you should write to them to complain.

go 50:50 on the uniform, buy one set and give it to your favourite.

You pay 400 for 2 childrens childcare, is that right?

You must mean pay half surely because I have 1 child in a cheaper area who costs 430 for 2 half days.

They also need to eat, have a home etc, do you contribute to this too? Maintenance?

The rest like uniforms and trips should be halved

I'm sorry you got so totally and utterly shafted by your kids' shit dad, but the fact he is abysmal doesn't make OP's contribution any better than pitiful, or his penny-pinching any less contemptible.

What are you talking about? Do you have no reading comprehension at all? The 400 appears to be his ENTIRE contribution. It says nowhere that she spends 400 on uniform.

Dumb. She's covering WAY more than half the costs of those kids.

I don't think it does. I think he's used the wrong word for child support.

Of course you need to pay half!!!!
it’s irrelevant that she has another child and you know nothing about the financials so just pay for your children without moaning.

If you’re not happy to pay 50% (at least) for your existing children, I don’t think you should have any more!!!

@Ncforthiscms

No idea how people spend such silly money on uniform - hopefully you can use the supermarket.
Price up the list she sent you and give half the amount. Half each is fair.

No amount was mentioned for the uniform so where are you getting the idea that the ex wants to spend "silly money?" From the 400 figure that has nothing to do with the uniform list but constitutes the entirety of the OP's support for his children?

You’re not paying for visitation rights; the money is for your children to be fed, housed, and clothed.

If you don’t think visitation is fair, that’s a separate issue for you to address through the courts, if necessary.

Not agreeing to buy their school uniform because you don’t see them enough means you think it doesn’t matter if they don’t have the essentials if you don’t get to see them.

This is why men have such a bad reputation.