Ex wants me to pay for kids’ school uniform

[dancingdad]

We are separated and have twins who are starting school this September. I pay her child care each month (£400). She’s sent me a long list of uniform they need for school. Am I right in thinking the child support I pay should go on this?
she has a kid by someone else too and the father was never asked to pay child support so I’m thinking my money will no doubt go on his uniform too!

I don't think £200 per month would cover my dog's living costs 🤔

Presumably your monthly amount is worked out to make sure that you are paying half their monthly spends. School uniform is not a monthly spend, it's a big lump spend at the start of the school year, so you need to contribute to half of that too.

And yet you leave your kids with her?! Mental. She has them full time by the sounds of it and pays for them (apart from your small donation) yet you're complaining? If it's meant to be 50:50 and it's not then take her back to court and do something about it. Otherwise chip in for large expenses. School uniform for one child is bad enough let alone 2. Step up.

If you were the primary parent of twins how far do you think £400 per month would go?

Go to court and get 50/50 if she is really blocking access. You're not at all concerned that your twins (it's always twins) are living with an addict?

If she was a drug addict, why on earth would you not have custody? Why would you not just buy them the uniform (rather than give her money) and why would you have not to thought to do it sooner, rather than when asked? If it’s shared custody then go to court, she can’t stop you with your time. It sounds like there is more to this. And yes £400 will barely cover childcare costs let alone everything else

Just because that’s what you are told to pay doesn’t mean that’s all you should contribute. That’s literally the bare minimum the state expects of you.

If you have the money to contribute more for your kids then you absolutely should. £200 per month for one child isn’t a lot. If you think it’s enough then you are incredibly out of touch.

Contribute to the uniform! In all
honesty I am amazed that you are even asking this. I’ll paraphrase how your post will read to many mums in here, many who have ex-partners who don’t have a clue about the true cost of raising children…

”Should I do what is right by my child?”

Removed comment

The drug addiction was bad enough that you didn’t want to live with it, but not so bad that you left your primary (?) age DC to cope?

slow clap

You’ve received quite a hard time on your post. Cms technically is for everything. If you can afford to contribute more towards school uniform then of course do. Personally I’d look at the list and buy what is needed and what you can afford on top of the cms you pay. I wouldn’t give additional money but I would buy school uniform items and send them.

my concern is her using the children and withholding contact and seemingly dictating when you can have contact and in what way. I would go to court and take the control away and get a court order stating what over nights you can have. Personally I’d go for st least every other weekend Fri-sun and half of the holidays however if you can I’d go for 50/50 custody x

Legally, you don't have to pay more than what CMS say - that amount is meant to cover your full contribution, which includes clothes. It's a proportion of your pay, so the exact amount is not our business.

My ex pays £150 a month and has absolutely no contact whatsoever. He does not send birthday presents or contribute to parties, Christmas presents or school uniform. I think it's great that you're finding out how best to support your children and are willing to contribute more. Could you write up a list together of what needs to be bought and then decide who gets what? Say, one of you gets polo shirts and branded school stuff, the other gets the pinafores and shoes?

Yeah I get less than that for my 2 teens and it doesn't even scratch the surface of the food bill , your exes other child is not your concern , your twins being kitted out for school are God help you when it's 40 quid upwards just for a blazer

£200 a month each per child? I spend more on my pets. CMS is the absolute pitiful minimum the courts make the non resident parent pay towards their child, not the maximum OP. If you think £200 a month is 50% of the cost to raise a human being, including food, clothing, heating, bedding, treats, toys, rent, petrol, after school clubs, haircuts, toiletries you do bloody better than me. Yes, maybe consider buying the uniform and please stop with the race to the bottom with the other useless twat of a father who pays absolutley nothing.

If she is working then UC covers childcare, this is not what CMS is for

UC rarely (if ever?) covers an entire childcare bill. And who says that isn't what CMS is for? It's for whatever the primary parent needs to spend it on for the DC.

She was a drug addict but you were happy to leave your twins in her sole care for a good percentage of the time? Really?

Im slightly confused by the op. Do you pay the childcare costs on top of the child maintenance?

also, if your only concern is the money might go towards another child, why not go and buy the uniform yourself? Or compromise and buy the full uniform for one child.

This is the problem with sole residency though... It assumes the parent who seeks or receives it has appropriate housing, transport & lifestyle for kids so that "£400 a month" would actually go quite far.

As for the original question OP - you need to sit down & decide how to proceed & adjust your payments accordingly now the kids are starting school. Might be easier to start paying some of their costs directly if your both on board & lower the amount paid to ex if it's not court ordered (or if it is then requesting a review)

It covers THEIR childcare bill. Tbh that makes me think OP should be more generous

So you "pay childcare" of £400 per month? At national minimum wage that's not even a day and a half out of 30/31! If you were to actually go to court to request a child arrangement order (which you would likely be given on a 50/50 basis with little need for a "fight", as that tends to be the starting point for judges), it would cost about £200 & you could have your kids 50% of the time. You could then house, feed, clothe, keep them warm, and entertain them for that £400pm instead of having to pay it to their mum, and you could go 50/50 on their uniforms. I mean, you would only be able to work 50% of the time, but at least you could save yourself that £400!
It's almost like you're getting a good deal for that £400 a month, huh?!
But, yeah, I'm sure their mum could stay indoors with the kids all summer and give them bread and water to save some of that 400 quid to buy their uniforms.
I honestly don't understand why a loving, caring dad would argue to give his kids less. Why on earth aren't you fighting to give your kids the best life you can possibly afford?!
These are things your kids need, so stuff CMS and their ridiculously low calculations, put your hand in your pocket and contribute towards your kids' needs.

For god’s sake, man up and pay whatever she needs for their uniforms. You’re their father regardless of whether you’re still with their mother or not!!! Would you also refuse to pay if you were together? I’ve got such little patience for divorced men who get all het up over paying for things for their children.

Me and my ex go half on school uniform on top of the child maintenance. I'm just sitting her out for secondary school, so this yr is going to hurt him. Might do it over video call.

Can you afford it relatively easily? If so, you should pay it. If it’s a stretch for either/both of you, it should be split 50:50

You're not obliged to pay, but considering you contributing less than 2.5k per child a year, then I would say you should pay half if you can afford to. I have 3 children and their school shoes alone are so expensive, nevermind the uniform.

And what are you doing about that? If you don't have a child arrangements order for meaningful contact then you should be going to court to fight for it.

I've never received a penny from my ex, so to me, £400 seems a decent amount of maintenance. If that's what Cms say you need to pay then legally that's all you have to pay. It should be possible to sustain 2 kids on £800?