Ex wants me to pay for kids’ school uniform

[dancingdad]

We are separated and have twins who are starting school this September. I pay her child care each month (£400). She’s sent me a long list of uniform they need for school. Am I right in thinking the child support I pay should go on this?
she has a kid by someone else too and the father was never asked to pay child support so I’m thinking my money will no doubt go on his uniform too!

You knew she was a drug addict when you met her and still chose to sleep with her and have children with her right? And if she really is a drug addict doesn't that give you justification to fight for increased if not full custody of the children? You seem to have taken a passive approach of she doesn't want me to see the kids instead of fighting for them and going to court.

You seem to be thanking people telling you that you're not legally obligated to pay more, yes you're not legally obligated but it's also not that hard to know that £400 is not sufficient to look after 2 children yet you pretend it is by using the fact that's what the court ordered as justification. Child support is the legal minimum but that doesn't mean that's what it costs to raise children.

Why don't you sit with her to list out the children's expenses and go 50:50 if you want to be a good father and whilst you're at it go back to court and let them know that she isn't allowing you to have access to the kids and fight for access.

And if she is really a drug addict you should be fighting for full custody but I know that you will take the easy way out and stick with the current agreement where you can easily claim that it's not your fault, she is the one who doesn't want me to see the kids etc.

If you take the DC to somewhere like Asda you can buy school uniform very cheaply. A pack of 5 polo shirts about £7.50 x 2, school trousers and pinafore dress about £6 each. They sell PE kits too. Unless they must have logo uniform just get it at a supermarket. Personally I would have thought you could kit a kid out starting school for £100. They will need reading folders, school bag, water bottles etc too. You need to go back to court to ask for regular weekly overnight stays and holidays.

Depends on their secondary school because that uniforms are bloody expensive, school branded jumpers blazer regulation skirts/trousers

Primary aged easy, supermarkets have full informs for many £30 all in

CMS is the absolute lowest you can pay, and everyone knows this for about cover the basics. You definitely should be paying a minimum of half for uniform. How was you think £50 a week per child is adequate?!
Why are you allowing her to not see your kids? If you truly want to have them more, you fight. Especially if she was a drug addict - surely you'd want what's best for them?

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I wouldn’t set the bar at what you get as that’s just unacceptable unless the other parent to your kids is having them nearly half the week, covering half the school holidays, half the wraparound care and paying half of everything

The OP is only mentioning what they want people to know and there is alot of information not included which could impact whether that £400 is enough or not

200 per child per month is a pittance. Really sorry your ex only pays £7 but you surely understand that this is not a race to the bottom and just because your ex is paying next to nothing, it doesn't make £200 a lot!

For primary school yes. Secondary school is a whole other ballgame

It sounds like they really need you in their life more. Please fight for this. Dads are so important.

Just buy their school uniform, get a grip, what is it with the useless parents thinking that their x is spending the cm on themselves or their other kids.

You ignored the majority of my post. She said it costs an extra £100 per month to purchase a property with an extra bedroom where she lives so I presumed she did, as it costs more than that to purchase a property with an extra bedroom in the roughest part of Hull. If my DC went to a school where the expectation wasn't to buy branded things, then I wouldn't either. It is irrelevant really, if OP trusts his ex enough to take on the lions share of parenting so he should trust her when she tells him how much school uniform cost and pay half.

I said there wasn't much difference in prices, not that prices were super cheap to begin with. Although I do live in a relatively cheap area it's a fairly well off area and mostly quaint little villages. I've just checked Zoopla and the cheapest 1 bed available is £725pm, whereas the cheapest 2 bed is £825pm. So a grand total of £125 difference each month.

I put Hull in out of curiosity. Cheapest (very grotty looking) 1 bed flat was £350. Cheapest 2 bed, £525, so still less than £200 a month difference.

Anyone getting £7 per week for their children - I’m so sorry - this is a pittance and shouldn’t be acceptable.

What the CMS comes up with is the bare minimum not some sort of cap on maintenance.

I do wonder at these men who just roll over to these ex’s who “won’t let them” see their children more, but are up in arms when they’re asked to pay more money. You need to use all that fighting energy for the former!

How old are the children?

Its clear I suggest that if she doesnt let them spend time with their father which after all would save her some money she cant have it both ways

Contact with one's children is not dependent on the amount paid to the RP.

Men who fail to pay a reasonable sum are reprehensible anyway, but they frequently equate the amount they pay with the amount of contact they think they should get, although I've noticed that they generally fail to take their children's mother to court to get a CAO.

So much info missing here to make a fair decision really. Depends on:
Your income in comparison to her income
£400pm childcare for 2 kids?? Is this half or all of the cost?
Do you have other dependents?

If you're earning twice as much as she is this seems fair. If you're about the same and paying all the childcare... probably not.

You do realise thats £6.60 a day per child to feed them and clothe and generally keep them alive and warm?

I am a stepmum- we always halved my Husbands ex for ALL large bills - glasses/ halloween costumes/ uniforms/ winter boots and coat/ school trips and as she got older hair dye/ contact lenses

we also spent money each week when she came and this was all in addition to child maintenance.

shes 17 now and its half of driving lessons and school uniforms.

you should send half & in the october week they will need winter stuff.

200 quid per child is 6 quid per child per day per month. As a parent going halves, HOW DO YOU EXPECT THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN TO FEED THEM, CLOTH THEM AND RAISE THEM WITH YOUR CONTRIBUTION OF SIX QUID PER CHILD PER DAY.? You are a disgrace.

Can you afford it?

Because honestly £400 / 2 children = £200

£200 / 30 days is £6.66 a day - to feed each kid, house them, keep them warm, pay for lights, dress them, get them toys, travel to school.

Child support is the minimal requirent. Its good you pay it. But its the basics. So if ExP has asked for uniform costs and you can afford to help I think you should give 50%. Shes given you the lists so you can see what they need and been transparent about costs. They'll also need shoes, backpack, lunch box, pencil case etc on top of that which she hasnt asked for

Buying uniform for twins costs more than for 2 children of different ages because it all has to be bought in one go. (Different age sibs can obviously pass down out-grown uniform items). CMS doesn't reflect this but somehow the uniform buying parent has to find a large extra sum all at once. It's only fair to share the extra between parents.

You say your ex is an addict. Are you worried the money won't be spent on uniform? Can you buy the items needed for your twins yourself? There are also uniform banks donating free or very cheap uniform items to families in many parts of the country. Can you share the parenting work here and get what your dc need?

If maintenance is supposed to be covering half the cost of raising 2 children every month since you separated logically 2 full sets of uniforms, bags, shoes etc for school is an extra cost that it wouldn't cover yes? So why wouldn't you pay at least half?

Oh so it is only £400 a month. Not £400 childcare and CMS.
Wow.

You could buy the actual items if you don’t want the money to go to her other child. Get the uniform list from school, take the kids shopping and pick out what they need.

The 400 covers her childcare bill according to.the OP

Why not buy the uniform yourself and then label each item yourself so that you can ensure that no one else benefits from your largesse?
As kids grow fast you'll have to diarise to keep checking the uniform, re-buying, re-labelling etc.