Ex wants me to pay for kids’ school uniform

[dancingdad]

We are separated and have twins who are starting school this September. I pay her child care each month (£400). She’s sent me a long list of uniform they need for school. Am I right in thinking the child support I pay should go on this?
she has a kid by someone else too and the father was never asked to pay child support so I’m thinking my money will no doubt go on his uniform too!

I apologise. The thread is getting a bit quote-tastic!

So you left your children with a drug addict who refuses to let you have overnight access and limits daytime visits but haven't been to crt for full custody yet claim to be a good dad
Yeh I'm not buying it

You wont be missed 😂

It's fine! It is 😅

Do you honestly think the child.maintenance is enough to pay for everything the children need? Are you really that thick? Uniform is expensive, then add general clothes that need buying often, as shocker children grow, food, light, heat etc etc etc and you honestly believe £400 is enough and covers half of everything kids need?
Wow how to show you're an idiot without actually saying it

My god the women on hear are a bunch of bullies.
Just because a man as asked something.
Most on mn use ther kids and patners /exs/husbands as piggy banks and cant see it.
Shameful.

No hes 16 and 6' so he doesn't fit any of the school stuff in the supermarkets and with size 12 feet his shoes and trainers are ridiculously expensive 😪

It doesn't matter how much he is paying. CMS money is't reward money. The law is very clear that the children deserve to have the same standard of living as both parents. I don't understand all of this 50% or the 27% business your talking about. There is a formula on the CMS website, if he gets them for a 100 days that is taken in to account and then he gets a reduction in his CMS payments to reflect when they are with him and he contributes to there costs the rest of the time. It's really straight forward. Obviously it's upsetting they have moved away but again that isn't the kids fault and no they shouldn't be punished. And WTF of course she has the right to downtime with them.

If she's an addict, are your kids safe?

Well, that's a bit different to starting Reception.
M&S go up to age 18. I know that's not supermarket prices, but less spendy than some places.
Should only be one more year for you (Scotland?)

go halves on the uniform. The maintenance is to cover half the costs for when they are not in your care e.g. electricity, housing, heating, water, food, detergent to wash their clothes, childcare if required, clubs & extra curriculars.

So you chose to have children with a drug addict who already had children from a previous partner? Nice.

Not sure why you’re not fighting like hell for 100% custody.

OP I would suggest having read your replies, that you take the children out, either alone (or with your ex if it’s amicable) and buy some uniform for them. That way you are contributing to the cost of uniform, but not handing over the cash to her and not seeing where it goes.

I'd pay half. Or you could go buy them and label them up.

To put the £400 you pay per month into perspective as we’re mid way through the 6 weeks holidays. £400 is the cost of putting twins through holiday club for one week where I live - I know it can be a lot more in other areas. £400 won’t cover everything.

If you really want your kids more, go to through the correct channels and get a 50:50 agreement. There will be no monthly payment then as you’ll both be sharing the care of your twins equally. You can sort out any wraparound care as you need on your days/weeks.

You will need to come to an agreement in terms of costs of clothing, uniform, footwear, school supplies, extra curricular activities, school lunches, school trips etc etc. Either one of you pays, keeps a tally and the other one pays over half or you split who covers what.

Another big one to factor in is school holiday cover. Kids are off for nearly 14 weeks. With 50:50 you’ll be responsible for 7 of those weeks to cover from your annual leave or unpaid parental leave. The time you can’t cover, you’ll need to book holiday clubs and pay for them. If you’re lucky, family may help. It most likely won’t match up with school hours therefore they’ll be some juggling

I’m sure someone else may be along shortly who can let you know stuff I’ve missed out on in terms of costs when your transitioning to 50:50

No!

Have you applied for full custody as she is an addict?

This is hugely relevant because I would imagine there would be a fear that money could go back to that rather than the children. An earlier suggestion that you offer to take them to get kitted out for their uniform is a sweet one (you could also take them for lunch or a fun activity afterwards). That way you would know exactly what the kids get and be able to spend a bit more time with them. It could be a way of getting more quality time with them if she is difficult around that.

CMS will say it's included. So by all means you can put your foot down.

I don't think any father living away from their children should be saying no to helping out with the likes of uniform though.

If you’re uncomfortable paying her more money, why not just take the twins uniform shopping yourself. Ask for the list, kit them out, job done. Ofc you want your children in comfortable, well fitting uniform ready for the year ahead. Right?

Is there a reason you can't go shopping for school uniform yourself if you're so worried about how ex might spend the money?
Presumably you what sizes your kids wear and what school they will attend?

They're your children, they need school uniform. Why do you think you shouldn't pay? You're already doing much less than half the parenting and much less than half the financing... buying uniform is the very least you should be doing in my opinion.

If you're worried that your money might go on her addiction or anything else, then given that this is a specific expense, I don't see why you wouldn't simply buy the uniform directly and give it to them rather than quibbling over the £50/head a week you pay towards the children you want to see so much.

MN is a strange place sometimes, £400 is a lot I get £7 a week and have more than 2 kids! I’m sure she could use that to pay for half the uniform as it’s meant to be half each not the OP paying the lot.

You aren’t paying a lot of child support. What is your capacity for increasing your salary so you can more meaningfully provide for your children?

2 more years unfortunately as hes a March child, and the cut off date is February 28th so he missed it by days and had to wait an extra year to start.
Yes were Scotland.
It's the shoes and trainers that cost the most closely followed by the shirts at £15 each and we need 5 of those so that's £75 straight away, then when you add the blazer, trousers, gym kit and the jumpers with the school logo that can only be got through the school at £42 each i think i did quite well with only paying just over £300 for the whole lot.
Now I'm just hoping that he doesn't grow anymore but his da was 6'3 so he still might 😭