Ex wants me to pay for kids’ school uniform

[dancingdad]

We are separated and have twins who are starting school this September. I pay her child care each month (£400). She’s sent me a long list of uniform they need for school. Am I right in thinking the child support I pay should go on this?
she has a kid by someone else too and the father was never asked to pay child support so I’m thinking my money will no doubt go on his uniform too!

At what point was I referring to your exact situation?

I was referring directly to the PP who said her child wouldn't cost her more than £200 per month.

Are you telling me you think your DSC costs would be £2,400 per year or less? Because if not you actually agree with what I am saying...which is, essentially, children are expensive!

Your DH has had every opportunity to take his ex to court for additional contact should he have actually been that bothered in the beginning...that I know for a fact, 50/50 shared care is what courts aim for unless there are safeguarding concerns - and I don't know a single hard working, reliable, decent parent who hasn't ended up with at least 50/50.

Kidsin OP headed to reception

Pretty much all the children in our village school live within a mile of the primary school. That's not uncommon I don't think.

Maybe that was the wrong thing to say. Based on my experience of many different school uniforms, most schools that do not have a high percentage of DC living in poverty mostly wear branded uniform. But as I say that is my own personal experience. Couple that with the fact that it costs her £1200 more per year to have an extra bedroom, she must live somewhere pretty undesirable, otherwise house prices would have risen. As someone that lives in the North that seems super cheap to me. But that is beside the point of the thread, I'd expect the OP would take issues with his ex wanting to move somewhere cheaper.

What?

You've spectacularly misread the OP.

Offer to buy the uniform/some of it rather than give cash.

It only needs to cover their children and not the child she has with another man

So I have🫣

I’m not here to bash you but £400 is very little for 2 children a month. You have to think about everything that goes into caring for them not just childcare. Also when it comes to uniforms etc just go half on it.

CMS assessment can be zero. Because. There are ways for people to- NRPs - to make it look legitimate that they have a zero liability.

I think you should consider that and consider those who simply refuse to pay in your assessment of whether monies assessed as liable to be paid via CMS are fair or not.

Trust me, it doesn't even come close to covering the costs associated with bringing up two children.

The other child wouldn't get a look-in. There would be literally no money left over.

Some areas are very rural and schools are very much further than a mile away.

Yes and the primary was just over 5 miles away. And had a maroon sweatshirt as their mandatory sweatshirt - which couldn’t be bought in any local supermarkets and therefore the branded one was necessary.

You’re disputing a PP saying the CMS amount would be appropriate to care for her child. I am giving you an example of another situation when it definitely is, and pointing out that NRPs can also have significant costs.

I agree with you that kids are hugely expensive! But a lot of those costs come down to funding a household and are borne equally by both households. My SC’s mum pays a bit more for their food and extra utilities but I strongly doubt she spends more than £200 a month more than we do. Yet we pay her £500 a month.

My SC’s mum moved 150 miles away without notice during Covid. As there were no safeguarding concerns, and a huge court backlog, it didn’t get heard for almost nine months, by which time they were settled in a new school and it was deemed she couldn’t be made to move back. But keep up your narrative that anything less than 50/50 means the dad is a deadbeat.

If you contributed half their genes, you should be paying half towards foreseeable costs such as school uniforms, school trips, getting them a phone when they are old enough.....having kids gets more expensive as they get older, irrespective of where they live or how often you see them.

Whatever your partner is paying for his child’s got nothing to do with you. £500 is perfectly reasonable for one child.

It's twins, the likelihood is that they are both OP's. There is an additional child too.

And you left your children with her? I don't believe you.

It’s responses like these that make me want to delete my account 😂

What a colossal waste of time it is writing messages to faceless strangers, with axes to grind and poor reading comprehension.

Good luck to OP, hope you take this thread to heart and work hard to get shared custody.

@dancingdad if you are concerned to be giving cash to your ex, perhaps you could offer to take your dt school uniform shopping?
Unless it is some badged/branded/logo school which needs buying from a school uniform shop.
You could make a day of it. All the big supermarkets do a good variety of uniform at really reasonable prices.
It is shoes and coats that push the cost up.
Maybe go shoe/rucksack/stationery shopping before a cafe lunch and then the polo shirts/cardigans/ pinafores/pe kit after lunch. Save you dragging around loads of bags!

Ask your ex for a uniform list or contact the school direct or look on the school website.

I applied for a uniform grant because I was unwaged. I think I got £125 as a one off payment. If your ex is unwaged she could do the same.
Again if you are concerned your purchases are going to be converted into drugs, keep the receipts and do any alleged 'wrong purchase' swaps yourself.

Perhaps you and your ex could split the cost with one buys shoes and coats and the other buys the indoor uniform?
Uniform is something you need to budget for yearly yourself.

If she is a drug addiction then why don't you go for custody of your children. Why don't you take her to court especially since she "won't let you see them "

Yes.
I was taking issue with takealettermsjones equating living within a mile of school as living in a deprived area with children living in poverty.

Your being ridiculous.. it’s entirely your choice whether or not to buy “branded uniform”😂 just because parents do or don’t does not reflect on them living in poverty or being within a deprived area.. I don’t live in a deprived area.. our school encourages parents to not buy branded uniform and the only time they ever state about needing anything branded is a jumper for picture day. Even then they say if you don’t own one.. not to worry. How on earth does not being in branded uniform mean you’re in a deprived area?.. there’s wealthy families that are at our children’s school and guess what.. they don’t buy branded uniform.. why? Because it’s a waste of money! One of my friends is literally a high end solicitor and does really well and earns a lot of money.. she even says it’s a joke and unless necessary (as I’ve said above picture day) she doesn’t see the point.. secondary school fair enough a lot of them expect the children to wear branded uniform but primary aged children there is really no need 😳..

Because he can't be arsed. Its too much work to take care of twin 5 year olds.

I wasn't the one that did that, fwiw. 😊