Ways middle aged men have told us off this week

[Siblingsadness]

I've got 2 today and it's not even midday yet
I swim every day at 6am . There's normally about 6 of us, today I had the pool all to myself. I swam in one of the lanes as i am working on staying straight during certain strokes. After about 20 minutes a man got in the pool. I've seen him before, he always goes in the unlaned bit and does physio walking up and down.
Today he came over to the lane and said I shouldn't be in there as its the fast lane and I wasn't fast. I thought he was joking so I laughed. He then said he wasn't joking and I needed to move. Of course I told him not to be ridiculous, no one else was in here and if someone fast wanted it, I'd move. He called me a silly batch.
Then just now in tescos, I was in the pasta aisle and a man picked up a jar of pasta sauce and said "is this any good" I said I wasn't sure sorry, I normally just get the passata and put onion and garlic in it. He sort of mocked me and said "ooh good cook are you" I said yes, I'm OK and I enjoy it too. He then said "well at least I can parallel park you silly cow"
Now I know I just encountered 2 nutters (maybe a third is on the way) but I'm a bit cheeky and a cow before lunch today despite just going for a swim and buying cheaper pasta ingredients. 🤣🤣

Yep. As a late 50-something, short, chubby, (5 ft 3, size 16) woman, I get looked at, and treated like I'm a piece of dogshit they just stepped in by some middle aged men. They are almost always taller than me, by a clear half a foot, and never look me in the eye. They reach over me, knock me, shove me, tut at me, and huff and puff when I am 'in the way.'

When I was 20+ years younger, I got attention and compliments from some middle aged men, I got hit on, I got asked out, and got called 'sexy,' and 'blondie,' 'a hottie,' and similar names. After a few years it got tiresome, and I just started to sigh, and roll my eyes. Then I would get 'miserable cow' and 'you should be lucky I'm interested, you ugly cunt.'

Now I am nearly 60, men a decade or more older than me (around 70+,) and also, men around a generation younger - (42 and under,) seem to be largely courteous and polite, and most teenagers are very nice to me. Boys and girls... (And most children too.) But that middle aged man group (men mostly from early to mid 40s to early to mid 60s,) are just so fucking rude and obnoxious. (Not all, but some!)

You get 2 things (as a woman) from this age group of men. As a young/younger woman, you get catcalled, whistled at, hit on, groped, sexually harrassed, mithered and badgered, and stared at. As an older woman (50+,) you get ignored, sneered at, scowled at, insulted, and pushed and shoved like you're nothing.

Who'd be a woman eh? 🙄

Oh, I also get middle aged (and older) men who are gobsmacked that I know things about cars, trains, planes, and motorbikes, and gardening, and football. Me a woman and all. Gosh!

!

Was in supermarket a couple of months ago. Dh had gone wandering off to yellow sticker land and i was getting stuff, including some double cream. I said excuse me to bloke in front of it, smiled thanks and reached for the cream. His eyes lit up and he said "last thing you need eh" Only before I could tell him to fuck off, dh appeared and said "what do you mean by that?" Flustered he started doing that jokey bloke thing, calling him mate, saying it was banter. But dh just went "no you were being rude to this lady, and I am not your mate." He splutters an apology and twats off. (Dh knows btw I can handle my own battles, he just was there. He's the least confrontational bloke i know.)

how very victim blame-y of you.

oh dear, he can’t understand the difference between a roundabout and a narrow lane. Not much to be done about angry men with the intellectual capacity of a bowl of porridge.

No no, good for your DH for fighting in your corner. If a man insulted me, and my DH stood there and said fuck-all, I would be very disappointed and quite hurt. He doesn't have to punch his lights out! Just what your DH did - cut him down to size. (My DH has done this before - stuck up for me. I can fight my own battles, like you can, but who DOESN'T want their DH/DP to defend them?! Anyone who says they don't is lying!)

Why would you post to say "that has never happened to me" unless you have a self control problem so have to answer every thread?

I hope you complain about the twat at the pool. I'm a ball of anxiety lately, and god knows what I would have done if he'd approached me.

I remember seeing exactly that tube train behaviour about three weeks after I'd moved to London when I was 30. I'd got on a carriage at Kilburn at the single door end of the carriage and was about to head for the one empty seat in the middle when an older man, maybe late forties, got in at the double doors and absolutely sprinted down the carriage to get the seat. He threw himself in and flicked a look of utter victory at me who was just aghast as I'd not yet mastered tube behaviour.

A stunningly beautiful woman around the same age as him (Kristen Scott Thomas type of posh) was sat directly opposite the seat he'd taken. She met his eye and said "God, I don't think you could be any less attractive to a woman right now" and gave him a slow handclap. It was one of the most glorious things I've ever seen (and he shuffled off at Finchley Road...)

🤣🤣👏🏻👏🏻

I said this out loud recently for the first time.

I usually ignore PA man-twats giving it large but for some reason (I was exhausted, usual reserves of man-twat tolerance severely depleted). And out came the thought that has so often been sitting in my mind - "What a rude, obnoxious person you are. I bet you wouldn't be so brave if I were a 6 foot, 15 stone bloke."

Obviously he denied it. But it felt good.

I find them FAR worse on-line. I've been called names and all sorts - and it is ALWAYS men, mostly middle aged. Our community Facebook page is FILLED with aggressive men who think they are funny, but in truth there's always a side portion of "nasty" in their posts.

I've never encountered rudeness like this in my entire life, they sound absolutely horrible!
I'd actually report the swimming chap. There's being grumpy and there's being verbally abusive to other paying customers.

Generally speaking “old” women like to boss younger men about too so horses for courses.

I got told off by some gammon in a carpark for some non reason and I am usually so gobby but this time I sat there while he ranted and then calmly replied things like "ok well that's your opinion" and he HATED it! 🤣🤣

Was very amusing to watch him have a completely one sided argument and end up looking totally unhinged. Then I just closed my car door.

"Toodle-do motherfucker!" 👋🏼🤣

Do you remember during Covid, there was some on line meeting of councillors or such like and the lady chair switched off the sound of the man ranting on about something. Never laughed so much.

I whistled all the time as a tot and my grandfather would (laughingly) say, "a whistling woman and a crowing hen are neither good to God nor men." He was born in 1900 (and even he wasn't bothered by my whistling) so the old man in the shop has very old opinions!

100% this. I always enjoy doing a serene but pretty fast breaststroke to overtake splashy men with bad front crawl technique!

That was Jackie Weaver if I remember correctly.

I'm 53, and in order to survive I've had to forget or dismiss or ignore the vast majority of bad behaviour just to get on with life. I mostly live in a bubble of most people are mostly alright most of the time.

Except they really aren't. I'm working on a project at the moment and every single contributor that has let me down, or needed hand holding or praising has been a man. The finance woman, the council woman, the worktop woman have all been spot on. The architect man, his woeful assistant man, the specialist man, the other specialist man and sadly DH have all been inadequate.

I also think DH is turning into one of these blokes. Apparently I'm too aggressive and a poor communicator rather than the architect constantly being on holiday and booting stuff into next week.

I'm wrong about everything at the moment, although I wasn't wrong when his brakes smelt hot and he ignored it. I should let him bear the consequences of his poor food hygiene skills.

DD came home from the pub and had had to pacify a bloke who was being weird because she didn't want it to escalate. Turns out he's had ten pints, no food but quite a lot of cocaine. De-escalating was the right approach. But so galling to have to agree that for another generation.

I’m over 60. I thought I’d become “ invisible “ after menopause and no longer have to put up with sexist comments, sexual comments, harassment etc from men.

but I didn’t account for men feeling affronted when a less than attractive women crosses their path

I am overweight. Always have been. Never an issue when I was younger to stop them commenting sexually on my large bust etc. Now my bust less than perky, grey hair, trousers, wrinkles ( though in fairness I don’t have many) and same and same curvy (chubby) tummy appears to be an affront to them. I think they now perceive , since I’m no longer sexually curvaceously attractive to them, that I’m just fat, lazy and stupid.

i am constantly being subjected to rudeness and disdain. And occasional abuse

my mental health isn’t brilliant, and my tactic now is to simply avoid men as much as possible when on my own. I just don’t engage with them if I can avoid it.

bit sad as I’m mum to 2 adult males, sister to 2 db, etc. I know not all men are like this, but it is a frequent enough to know when men don’t see you as attractive enough they will be ready to treat you like dirt.

Those saying they haven’t experienced this? Maybe you smile more? Maybe you are attractive and “ pleasing” to the male eye …but don’t dismiss those of us that seem to attract random strangers unleashing rudeness simply because they can.

I was once talking with a couple of other women at a street corner (on the pavement) in a very quiet area before we went our separate ways. A man stopped his car and told us to move, because we were blocking his view of the road he wanted to turn into. We ignored him.

I relate to this. It is unrelenting. Please look after your own mental resilience as it eats away at you after years . These sort of perosnal comments form the person you should be able to trust, are very damaging.

I've spoken with Dh about this a few times. And when I tell him the situation - he 100% gets it because his response is usually, wow, the opposite happened to me.

I actually posted on here once about a delivery driver who was very upset because I asked him, politely, to please NOT stop over my driveway but rahter to please block the neighbour's driveway as a) that was where he was delivering his parcel and b) I was about to get into my car. He was absolutely horriedf andf rudfe and frustrated. DH pointed out that when he's come outside holding car keys and delivery dfrivers are over our driveway, the've all shouted, "right, I'll just move mate" without him having to say a word!

In fairness ( and it is as much about how he said it, which wasn’t right) I’ve had issues trying to see at turings because of people standing there chatting - better to be aware and step back from junction

but absolutely, he could have ASKED , used word please etc